[sbowman1030]

I will try and make this as short as I can. My first love died 12 years ago. As adults, we occasionally had contact. Our relationship was good. For the last 12 years, I've been dreaming about him frequently. It started that he would come to me and others and we knew he was dead but we were so sad, we couldn't tell him that he was dead. Sometimes he and I are back together but I know he's dead and can't tell him. I've also dreamt that I woke up next to him and found him dead and ran upstairs to get his mom (he died in a car wreck). A few weeks ago, the dream I had was so intense, I woke up hurting so bad. I felt like he had just died. A few years back, I went to the cemetery to sit with him and ask what he wanted from me. I thought the dreams would stop but they haven't.

[Alder]

I am sorry about your loss of this person. What you describe is common--immediately after a death. But 12 years? That's not something that happens every day. The bond between you must have been unusually strong. Was his death in the car wreck very sudden? I mean, he did not live for a while afterward, and become conscious, so that he could understand what had happened to him? Perhaps his knowing (and accepting) that he has passed on is part of the issue.

There is no simple, single interpretation of a dream. As I have mentioned in other posts about dreaming, the first step may be to ask whether to look at the dream from a psychological standpoint (where everything that is happening is within yourself, and your loved one in your dreams represents a part of you), or a paranormal (I would use the term "shamanic") approach, that you are experiencing something real and external.

From what you describe, it sounds like you feel this is real, that it is genuinely him coming to contact you. My instinct is the same. I would look at this more in terms of spirit and soul than in terms of psychology.

Apart from these dreams of your love, how talented of a dreamer are you generally? Do you have vivid dreams? Recall your dreams well? Do you have lucid dreams? If you are good at dreaming, perhaps that is how you are slipping into his level of reality. The universe is built with boundaries between the worlds. Most folks can't cross those accidentally. But some of us have the knack of doing that. So learning how to dream more effectively may help you in communicating with him and helping him get clear.

Many cultures around the world have traditions and rituals to help the dead on their way, honor them, and bring them peace. Ours (i.e. mainstream Western Civilization) is not well equipped for that. But you can try to do that. Giving him a plate of his favorite food, either leaving it at his grave or offering it to a fire, is one way. A lot of parts of the world have versions of that ceremony.

He may not be able to tell you clearly what he wants because he may not understand his situation very well himself. He may not know what he wants, or where he is supposed to go or what to do. There are ways to help with that. Some shamans and spiritualists work in the area of helping the dead to find their path to the places they are supposed to be. One term for that kind of work is "psychopomp"--strange term, never quite figured out myself why it's called that. A person with those skills can go into trance, get in touch with him, and help show him his path. You may find someone in your locale who strikes you as trustworthy and who has the knowhow.

I have training in this area. If you would like me to help you work on this, let me know.

Blessings,

Alder

[sbowman1030]

Alder,

Thank you. And yes, I would appreciate your help. He died when his truck went off the road and hit a tree. There are a lot of unanswered questions regarding his death. The road he was on had a 90 degree turn about 1/4 before he hit the tree. The road was very windy in nature and the tree was at the end of the road. The coroner said he fell asleep. He would have had to stay on a windy road and crossed the intersection and hit the tree. He was in no way a suicidal person. Way too upbeat. There is some speculation that someone may have tampered with his truck. He could have seen this person before he headed out on the road.

As for the dreaming. I remember a lot of my dreams and have on occasion been able to wake myself when I was scared by the dream.

The dream last month was so real... so much more than any of the previous ones. I hurt for days after wards.

Another important thing, we had broken up 14 years before he dies. It's now been 26 years. I am happily married for 8 years.

I have also experienced other strange things unrelated to Jeff's death over the years.

What do I do?

[Alder]

Hi. Sent you an e-mail. I'm not sure exactly how e-mails sent from this website work. If you don't get it or have trouble responding, just send me a private message here, and we'll figure out some way or other to get in touch.

[southerngalps]

I am sorry for your loss. I have always been a vivid dreamer. I loss my boyfried on September 2nd. I have those dreams where he is there but doesn't know he is dead. It is a crazy thing. I hope you can figure out things. I hope I can too. Have a blessed day.

[sbowman1030]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for your kind words. God Bless!