Originally Posted by
wishes
hey... today i found out a friend of mine just passed away. i miss him terribly. i couldnt stop crying today and i mean it. every song i listen to i start crying my eyes out. i've used over 5 rolls of toilet paper.... how can i tell him that i loved him because thats my regrate. i just wanted him to know that i loved him as a friend and he was awsome.
I have felt this same way,at different times.What really comes to mind.. when I was younger and my fiancé, at the time, died of lung cancer. He was 33 and I was 35, We both knew he was dying, but the night he passed away, I wasn't there w him, as he was back in his hometown, around his family, and I would go and see him on weekends and then had to go back to where I lived for work, on Sunday. He died on a Thursday night. I was planning to see him the following night,Friday, and then spend the weekend w him. Just like I had done since we found out he was sick, about 6 months before, I felt so awful that I didn't get to be w him once more, and although I had told him how I felt ,many times,it still felt horrible that I wasn't there when he died and I still felt like I had more to say. He was really the 1st person I had cared so much about that died. You know? Anyway, my Mother told me, "Well, you can also look at it like he's really with you ALL the time now,in spirit, instead of in person, and if you feel like talking to him, just do it! If you are open to it... you WILL feel him there whenever you need him and he can STILL hear your thoughts. So, I tried that and it really has helped me alot! I have adopted that process with anyone that has passed away, that meant alot to me. My Dad, two brothers, and others but esp. my Mother, when she died. We were VERY close! Now, I know she is there, too, whenever I need her to wrap her arms around me , to comfort me, or just to visit about something that is going on in my life. And to tell her I miss her so much!. She's been gone now about 20 years and the boyfriend,Greg, has been gone about 30, but I can still talk to ANY of them! and know they are there when ever I call on them! I don't have to drive anywhere, pick up a phone, or see them ,in person, to be with them!! Use your memory & imagination to bring him up in your mind and just share or get whatever you need to. It works! I am not kidding!
I hope this helps you feel some comfort, as it has for me, all these years!
I am, also, SURE he knows you love him, anyway, but hopefully,this will help you feel better and not so GUILTY, as we humans like to PUNISH ourselves,sometimes! When you hear the songs and stuff happens to remind you of him and your times together, try to look at it how LUCKY you were to get to meet him & have him in your life for the time you DID! Some people never get to know what it's like to LOVE a person like that. It's a GIFT, really.
Be good to yourself! & Remember, "God's not finished with YOU yet!" (Not my own quotation, but one I picked up along the way, that helps,too!
I'd love to know if this helps you. -Cathy/castorbean49
