[anongirl17]

With my ex boyfriend I was extremely over-possessive, and we would have a huge argument every time I thought he was looking at other girls, even in movies etc. because it made me feel inadequate. It was this which lead to our break-up almost a year ago and I now realise that I was just being immature and irrational. Now I have a new boyfriend and after my previous relationship I promised myself to take a different attitude to "other girls", for example I know he watches porn and always says "that girl's really hot" but I try not to let it bother me because I know he finds me attractive too.

However, I found out that he has been talking to several attractive girls on a social networking site and it's really bothering me. It's not as though he just finds them attractive, he's actually talking to them and it makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him. He's constantly talking to girls on IM and it's really making me wonder if I can trust him. After my previous possessiveness I've really tried to be cool about it but it's hard. Is there any way I can talk to him without sounding needy? Do I have anything to worry about.

Thanks.

[adawn]

To have a successful relationship you need to be open with your feelings. If you don't do this you will find that what you feel will be bottled up and when the pressure builds up it will cause strife.
His lust for other women and curiosity is hurting your relationship. Have you spoke with him about how you feel about his actions?
I know exactly how you feel because I was the same jealous way you were. I told my boyfriend about it and at first he said 'okay I won't do it anymore' but then he would... and it was really hard trying to bury my feelings when I knew that it just yanked at my heart strings.
Sometimes guys don't want to listen and just plan to do what they want whether you know about it or not. After you tell him where you stand in the relationship, see where he stands. Is this what you want to deal with?
I think you just need to be strait up with him. You won't sound needy. Say, "Do you want me? Or do you want them? Do you want to do me? Or do you want to do them? I am a real live person that is here for you for the long term, what are they? Just women on a screen that can't and won't do anything for you. So choose, what do you want? Me? or Them?"

See what happens when you take that approach. Don't sound needy. Say it like you mean business. Because you don't want to waste your time with someone who is going to play with your feelings and screw you in the end.

Plus, porn is one thing, they are just movies and pictures... but talking to real live girls.. maybe planning to meet up with them, is another. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side. He sounds like a dirty pig to me.

[hellokittykat]

Ohh,
This could be tricky.
It's great that you've worked out your problems from last time.
First off,
What sort of site has he been on?
Facebook?
Myspace?
These 'social networking' sites are very popular and it's normal to talk to attractive members of the perferd sex on them.
Talking on IM like msn or AOL is 'normal' these days too.
I think maybe you need to chill.
I'm in a happy relationship and I still flirt over IM with hot women, doesn't mean I'm going to ask them to strip on cam or leave My GF for them.
When he goes on 'adut matchmaker' that's when you have a problem.
If you start checking his convos and going over profiles, that's when you seriously need to take a step back.

If it's really worrying you, then tell him.
But keep a cool head and NEVER acuse him, Men shut down right away if you acuse them and you don't get anywhere.
I hope this helps

<3 Kat

[ISneezeFunny]

I don't know about how "cool" it is to talk to other girls while on fbook and myspace... granted, I'm 22... so I may have outgrown it, but to be honest, if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't meet girls online and start talking to them unless I already knew them.

It's one thing to talk to girls that are his friends, it's another thing to find girls online and just start talking to them.

adawn's right... you should just tell him how this makes you feel, and take it from there.

[anongirl17]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I think I need to relax about it too... I talked to him about how I felt and he was very, very reassuring... he cried because he felt bad for making me feel insecure! I don't think I have much to worry about after all... I'm so glad I talked it over with him :)

[natnaude]

I'm happy it worked out for you!