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simon2008 · Sep 16, 2008, 03:28 PM

Ok so my boyfriend of 3 years, has gone to strip clubs in the past before we started dating, and we have even gone together with a group of friends, and he has claimed over and over that he doesn't really like going. The other day he was nice enough to ask he if I minded if he went with some of his friends. I said yes it does bother me and that I can't tell him what to do but I would prefer that he didn't go. Well now he's not going and is upset with me (even though he won't admit it) and now I feel awful.
It was wonderful that he asked me but now that I said don't go, I'm scared that he isn't going to be honest with me in the future!
Help me! Was I wrong in saying don't go and now is this going to bite me in the in the future?
Oh by the way, his friends that were going are OBSESSED with going and aren't exactly gentlemen when they do go!! :(

JBeaucaire · Sep 16, 2008, 03:45 PM

Dating people is messy. Feelings are messy. This can't be avoided.

I think your answer was pretty dead-on correct. "No, I don't like it, I would prefer you didn't go, but if you do I won't get mad nor hold it over your head, you're a grownup, so do what you think is best."

You can remind him again you appreciate his choice to not go, it was very kind. Then ignore the mopiness that has followed. It's natural. It's normal. He'll be fine, especially if he is well-rewarded for his choice... if you know what I mean?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 16, 2008, 06:38 PM

While dating this is the time you find out if you get along and have the same goals in life. Being honest is all you can do

talaniman · Sep 16, 2008, 07:16 PM

Make sure he knows that you appreciate his decision. He will come around.

Moose1123 · Sep 16, 2008, 09:07 PM

Let him go! If a guy says he does not like strip clubs he is lying or gay. It does not make him a pervert or cheat. He will be coming home to you. Be open and honest, someday you may have a bachlorette party to go to at a male strip club. How will you act? If you are afraid he will go off with a stripper.. well for one it is not likely, and two you will find out the level of love and trust.

Romefalls19 · Sep 17, 2008, 05:28 AM

Moose, I highly disagree! I am a male and straight and have never been to a strip club and am quite happy about not going. Why should I resort to paying to see half naked women when I have a fiancé at home that I don't need to pay?

Kevin_s · Sep 17, 2008, 05:56 AM

I have to agree with Romefalls19's disagreement to Moose. Just because a guy may not like a strip club (maybe they have more RESPECT for women, and don't think of them as simply sex objects... hmmm?) does not make him a liar or a homosexual.

Does that mean that if a woman doesn't want to go to a male strip-club that she's a lesbian? I don't think so.

To the OP, although you may not like him going to a strip club. If it is just a rarity that he is going, it shouldn't really bother you. The fact that he talked to you about it shows that he cares more for your feelings than that of his own. Give him a reason to stay home with you (if you know what I mean) and he'll never complain again. Lol

echeetah28 · Sep 17, 2008, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by simon2008

Ok so my boyfriend of 3 years, has gone to strip clubs in the past before we started dating, and we have even gone together with a group of friends, and he has claimed over and over that he doesnt really like going. The other day he was nice enough to ask he if i minded if he went with some of his friends. I said yes it does bother me and that i can't tell him what to do but i would prefer that he didnt go. Well now hes not going and is upset wtih me (even though he wont admit it) and now i feel awful.
It was wonderful that he asked me but now that i said dont go, im scared that he isnt going to be honest with me in the future!
Help me!! Was i wrong in saying dont go and now is this going to bite me in the in the future??
Oh btw, his friends that were going are OBSESSED with going and arent exactly gentlemen when they do go!!! :(

Hello... I used to be a stripper, and I just want to let you know that if he was open enough to tell you that he was going you should have enough confidence in yourself that he's making it a point to be open with you and be honest whether you like what he has to say or not. I know many guys that would lie and tell their women that they were going out somewhere else, cause they knew that they would have a fit. Why don't you shock him and offer for you and him to go together, but don't do it if you feel your going to get jealous or feel bad. I bet if you said that to him and told him that you felt the two of you would have a good time... you never know it could really turn him on and work to your advantage seeing your confidence in him!

h0llister · Sep 21, 2008, 04:39 PM

My boyfriend was invited to go to a stripclub before with some of his guy friends and he did ask me before hand and I told him I didn't feel comfortable him looking at other women live. And I don't care if he watches porn or anything I just said we are in a relationship and I would feel if you go that it is dissrespecting me and our relationship by going to see other naked women and such. He did tell me he never went and I believed him. He understands because he would not want me to go to a male stripclub... would your man care if you went to a male stripclub with some of your girlfriends?

Kevin_s · Sep 23, 2008, 10:54 PM

I used to go to stripclubs with my ex girlfriend haha. To us it's just entertainment, having a good time. We didn't choose the raunchy, filthy strip clubs, but rather gentlemans clubs that were classy.