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cassandrawox · Sep 10, 2008, 12:42 PM

Please, any advise is good advise.

I have a great life! I have a wonderful family, great friends, and a great boyfriend. He's great in everyway - I know some day he will make a great dad, he's handsome, has a good job, and all of my friends and family love him... only there is one problem, we have been together for 9 years and I have no sexual attraction to him :(

I am seeing someone else, but he lives in a different state and we only see each other about once a month. He fills a void, but I find myself daily wishing that I was with him, and wondering if he's thinking of me as much as I'm thinking of him. How good can a person be if they are essentially a "homewrecker". I hate going home everyday to my boyfriend knowing that I am living a lie.

Everyone thinks that everything is perfect in my life and my friends and family are so envious, I don't know what to do, but I do know that I can't keep living like this...

StaticFX · Sep 10, 2008, 12:50 PM

Simple. CHOOSE ONE OR THE OTHER. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Romefalls19 · Sep 10, 2008, 12:55 PM

You need to break off this affair you are having if you have such a perfect life. You need to make a choice in what you want, and then come clean to your boyfriend about what you have been doing.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 10, 2008, 01:15 PM

Why is your sex life lacking, or is it just the thrill of cheating that is more the adventure. You need to choose one or that other, this is not fair to either.

jjwoodhull · Sep 10, 2008, 01:25 PM

If you love your boyfriend at all, stop cheating immediately. Think of how he would feel if he found out. Do you want to hurt him like that?

If you want to move on to someone else then do it the right way. If you want to stay with your boyfriend then find ways to revitalize your relationship. It is very common for sex to become predictable. Talk to him about ways to spice things up. Or maybe couples counseling would help.

HeadsHigh · Sep 10, 2008, 02:04 PM

The truth comes out in the end, it always does.. don't think you situation is any different. Like the others have already said choose and then come clean! You created this mess for yourself now do the decent thing and clean it up. Good luck.

DonaldM_23 · Sep 10, 2008, 02:11 PM

It's simple and it happens to everyone. You are not in love with your BF any more. Stop kidding yourself and end the relationship. Your happiness is what counts, when it comes to your life your decision is what's best.

excon · Sep 10, 2008, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by cassandrawox

How good can a person be if they are essentially a "homewrecker"?

Hello cass:

Are you talking about him or yourself?? I guess it doesn't matter - you're BOTH pretty miserable people.

excon

liz28 · Sep 10, 2008, 02:48 PM

You speak highly of your boyfriend so if you at least care about him, you wouldn't want to hurt him. It is always best to be honest because sooner or later the lie would catch up. You didn't mention in your post that you love but however you do think about the other guy and if he thinks about you. Sometimes sex starts lacking your relationship but instead of running to someone else you should have communicated how you felt to your boyfriend. Who cares what your friends or family thinks of your relationship, you can keep living a lie and it is unfair to your boyfriend. Does this guy your cheating with knows you have an boyfriend? If you didn't want to continue being with your boyfriend you still have let him know instead of cheating. Would you have like it your boyfriend cheated on you? You should leave your boyfriend alone because after being with him for 9 years you should know how to communicate with him.

talaniman · Sep 10, 2008, 05:22 PM

What's the perfect part since your running around on this wonderful guy? Lose the cheat buddy, and give your b/f his freedom, since you don't care about him any way.

Give him a chance for happiness at least. You probably won't, since you are selfish, and want a perfect life, and good sex on the side. Shame!

ylaira · Sep 10, 2008, 06:14 PM

You are bringing down the pillars one by one of a home wishing it won't fall. If any of those men will find out, you're dead. Im sure they are sensing something that they just don't tell you

Golden Rule: Don't do unto others what you don't wish to be done unto you.

Shadowburn · Sep 10, 2008, 06:33 PM

Affairs are toxic and addictive
Since you mentioned "home-wrecking", I'm assuming the other guy is married
It makes it impossible
Leave your boyfriend now before he became your husband and you are miserable for life
Find someone who makes you happy
Be selfish, you always come first, no matter what others say
You live your only life, which is way to short to fool around
Good luck

411Help · Sep 10, 2008, 08:51 PM

I'm disgusted.

Break it off with your boyfriend as it seems he doesn't deserve being blatantly lied to every day.

turbogtir · Sep 10, 2008, 09:50 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Whats the perfect part since your running around on this wonderful guy?? Lose the cheat buddy, and give your b/f his freedom, since you don't care about him any way.

Give him a chance for happiness at least. You probably wont, since you are selfish, and want a perfect life, and good sex on the side. Shame!!

Couldn't have said it better myself mate.

simoneaugie · Sep 10, 2008, 10:00 PM

People. You are living an image, how you are seen by others. What does your gut say? No, not what do you or anybody else think! What does your heart tell you without words? Any words you think about this situation should be the truth, to yourself at least.

chiradeep · Sep 10, 2008, 10:40 PM

Friend! I understand you... But you are not right... Please choose one or other... You have stayed 9 years with your boy friend... My question is... he is your husband or boy friend? Please do decides perfectly and permanently... or else you will suffer and two more people will suffer for you...

No offense please... I just wanted to be straight forward only to help you to make a correct decision... sorry

Kevin_s · Sep 11, 2008, 04:01 AM

I have a few questions about your relationship with your actual boyfriend.

1.) Is the sex department the only thing that is lacking? What about it is making you "not sexually attracted to him anymore?" You said he was very handsome.

2.) How is the communication between you and your boyfriend?

3.) How would you feel if you found out he was sleeping around behind your back?

If you are really this selfish (and not selfish as in making yourself happy) but selfish in the sense that you can't at least tell your boyfriend that you aren't sexually "there" with him anymore and maybe find something to spice it up, you don't deserve him.

What makes you think you have the right to lie to someone who has committed his self to you for 9 years and at least not give him a heads up as to what you are doing? People like you honestly (and no disrespect.. lol) make me sick.

If you're so friggin' unhappy in your relationship you have 2 options: TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT (since us men really don't like people beating around the bush when it comes to serious things, we don't look for your subtle hints. Lay the cards out on the damn table, say what it is you need to say, and be willing to listen too.) The other option is to end the relationship, maybe you'll wake up and realize one day that you ruined the best thing you could possibly have by doing it but at least you know that one day he will be happy.

Cheating is cowardly, immature and selfish. You don't care about this relationship at all if you are too much of a chicken to talk to him first.

Don't even bother breaking it off with him, tell him what you've been doing, and the man will kick you to the curb anyway.

Stacie247 · Sep 11, 2008, 04:13 AM

Originally Posted by cassandrawox

Please, any advise is good advise.

I have a great life! i have a wonderful family, great friends, and a great boyfriend. He's great in everyway - i know some day he will make a great dad, he's handsome, has a good job, and all of my friends and family love him.....only there is one problem, we have been together for 9 years and i have no sexual attraction to him :(

I am seeing someone else, but he lives in a different state and we only see eachother about once a month. He fills a void, but i find myself daily wishing that I was with him, and wondering if he's thinking of me as much as I'm thinking of him. How good can a person be if they are essentially a "homewrecker". I hate going home everyday to my boyfriend knowing that I am living a lie.

Everyone thinks that everything is perfect in my life and my friends and family are so envious, I don't know what to do, but I do know that I can't keep living like this......

I think that you need to stop the affair right this minute it's not good to cheat, cheating leads to hate. (I would know) :)

heartbrokenguy · Sep 11, 2008, 05:01 AM

I was with my girlfriend for almost 11 years and our sex life died for the last 3-4 years before she finally ended the relationship. I suffered quite a lot and still suffering for the death of an 11 years relationship but I think she did the right thing to end it now rather than being untruthful in future. As you explained in your first post, in the eyes of our family and other pple everything looked perfect between us and I was the good and caring guy in the relationship. It's unfair to your boyfriend what you are doing. End the relatioship with your boyfriend if you are unhappy with your life or you will make more damage both to hm & yourself in future.

NorthernNiceGuy · Sep 11, 2008, 01:42 PM

I'd have to agree with a lot of the comments on this one, but not all... I don't think this is a question of which one you should choose... You should tell your boyfriend what you are doing and end the relationship. You are staying with your boyfriend because it is comfortable and safe... and that's wrong and unfair to him. Like you said, he's a great guy, so maybe he deserves something more?. he does. Whether this other guy is the one you should be with is irrelevant... you shouldn't be with your boyfriend. Do yourself and him a huge favor and end the relationship now. It will be hard because of all you have shared, but in the end it will hopefully lead to the both of you being happier.

Goodluck