[lovely mmt]

Oh my god. First of all, I wasn't sure if this is the right category to post my dilema, but I'm soooo glad I found this website.
Anyway I have a major crush on my husbands friend. I can't stop thinking of him. I go to the store hoping to run into him.
I know I told myself a million times that this is bad. Real Bad. But I'm so overwhelmed with feeling for this guy, it's making me sick.
I feel like a horrible, aweful, wicked person. I love my husband to death, I would never cheat on him, ever. We have a wonderful connection and relationship. And my husband is the best thing any of you guys could ever imagine. He has me on a pedestal. He treats me like I'm his queen. He works hard so I don't have too. He cleans, he cooks, he changes pampers, and does the dishes. Even serenades me with his guitar. He's my everything.
And what do I do to repay him. I crush on his friend.
What do I do? I can't help it.
It doesn't help either that his friend is always around. He works with my husband and they both hang out all the time. We have get togethers at my house with a lot of friends and we when me and him carry a conversation we learn more and more that we have so much in common. Tons of stuff we've done and things we like and don't like. So now he brings over movies he knows I'll like. Things like that. Real friendly guy.
When I go to return them or anything else he has lent us. He answers the door without his shirt. Real casual, like if I'm family. And he is a real stud muffin. Great shape and beautiful muscles.
Oh my god, I'm so horrible.
Does anyone know what to do? What can I do?
This is aweful.
I feel like #@$!
I love my husband, how do I stop this?

[eyad1969]

It is really not easy
But the good thing that you know that it is wrong .
Ill tell you what you have to do and of course that is my opnion.
First you have to look what is the bad things in your hasbend friend and think that you live on it.
Ask yourself why he is not married yet and why you like him .
U have to see him in bad way and time will be with you and will save your family.
If there is poison so sweet are you going to eat it, what ever his test you will not eat it ,think that you are going to ditsroy your life and your family life if you did this bad thing.

[Stormy69]

Just ask yourself if losing your wonderful husband is worth the risk of pursuing this crush. Is the pain that would would cause him worth a fling?
Not only would it ruin your marriage, it would also ruin their friendship.
If your husband is all these wonderful things you say he is, why risk that for a physical attraction?

[educatedhorse_2005]

Avoid him as much as possible
Let your husband return things to him
Remember you have a husband at home who loves you and cares for you
Just stay away
It will only cause problems if you keep thinking about him It will start to affect your marriage
So just stay away

[lovely mmt]

How do I stay away if he's always around with my husband. I cook for these guys. I pick up their mail when they're at work. We're like a big family.

He was engaged to be married but his girlfriend broke up with him, cause they live in separate states.
He focuses only on hobbies, working out, us, and church now.
Very religious guy. Good head on his shoulders.
He's like a younger version of my husband.
I'm starting to think that's what the problem is.

I would never pursue him. I just want to stop crushing on him. It makes me feel so unworthy. Depressing. Guilty. This sucks, cause I love my husband.
Is this normal? Do other people go through this? And just not say so.

[educatedhorse_2005]

I think everybody does this one time in their relationship
The key is not to act upon it
There has to be something about him that annoys you find it and think about it when you start to think about this guy
Even if it something simple like his nose is to big something has to annoy you

[lovely mmt]

That makes me laugh. Thanks for making me smile.
Don't know if that'll work but I'll try to think of something annoyingly( is that a word) wrong with him.

[educatedhorse_2005]

Keep in touch

[lovely mmt]

Ok,
Thanks for helping

[Myth]

How's this... Is it because you are keeping it a secret that it's so overwhelming? Why don't you tell your hubby about your crush. Your being open and honest and he might already know if he knows you well enough. I wouldn't keep this from the man I love just because I feel silly. I would probably expect some awkward moments and possibly some teasing but it will be out there and you'll be better able to deal with it when it's not a secret. Maybe your crushing cause you can't have him either... We always want what we can't have. Just some food for thought... honesty is the best policy

[fredg]

Hi, lovely,
We control today, what we do today, and what we will not do today. What we do today, will determine our tomorrow.
What are you going to do today? Keep looking for this man?
Or, are you going to stop; take care of your husband, and forget about this infatuation.
The previous answer said to talk with your husband about it. I do agree.
A good marriage is compromise, trust, honesty, openness, love, caring, and wanting the other person to be happy. Tell your husband how you feel, and ask for his help. That's what marriage is all about; helping each other.

[talaniman]

Marriage has certain boundaries which must not be crossed. As humans we can be attracted to many other people besides our spouse, what we do about it is up to us. Don't obsess over these attractions but enjoy them as part of life. If it gets out of hand and causes problems in your life seek help either from your husband or a reasonable adult. :cool: ;)

[JoeCanada76]

Well I think it is just an infatuation and that you need to stop obsessing and the only way to do that is to spend more time with your husband alone and focus on your family. Crushes come and go and yes, I bet every single person in the world has it happened to them, but it is your choice to let it go or let it get the best of you and you end of doing something stupid. So My advice is put your focus on other things. Let it go.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I think everybody does this one time in their relationship. the key is not to act upon it

This is exactly right. You can certainly feel attracted, but you can't act on those feelings.

It's natural to find yourself attracted to man other than your husband from time to time. Your husband may not admit it, but I would be quite certain there are women he finds attractive as well.

The difference is that you are married. You made a commitment to your spouse.

If you really think you need to be with this other man, you better talk to your husband.
You'll either have a threesome, or end up divorced... ;)

[milliec]

Hello dear,
I think there are several keys to your specific situation:
One of them is:
[QUOTE=lovely mmt].' And my husband is the best thing any of you guys could ever imagine. He has me on a pedestal. He treats me like I'm his queen. "

I think he does so much for you, that you seem not to be able to put any effort to sustain your marriage, and add your touch to it... it's not that you don't wish to do it, it's just you can't seem to find any role for yourself - he does everything.
more than that:

"He works hard so I don't have too. He cleans, he cooks, he changes pampers, and does the dishes."

So, you might be even slightly bored?
i think it's really healthy, in every situation, to be busy, to have a role. the moment you have a role, a task, something you're in charge of, it makes you important, gives you some kind of significance, you feel others might notice your contribution - you feel PART of this whole thing, you BELONG!
do you, maybe miss that - being needed?

than you add:


"Even serenades me with his guitar. He's my everything.
And what do I do to repay him."

o.k., so how do you?
i'm NOT criticizing - your crush happens so often! it just does, but it has nothing to do with our lives -we have to learn to put these things aside. they are not our real life, just fantasy world.
BUT: in your question, you might hint to more than this self-reproach - i think that if you look deep down, you'll find out just what i've said: that you have this need to do something for him, and you just can't find WHAT.

" He works with my husband and they both hang out all the time. "

if they spend so much time together, you might find excuses for spending some time without him.

' when me and him carry a conversation we learn more and more that we have so much in common. Tons of stuff we've done and things we like and don't like.'

you have a crush on this guy, so you seem to notice the things you have in common with him, more than you might notice things you have in common with other people! the things you have in common, sort of blow up out of proportion.


" So now he brings over movies he knows I'll like. Things like that. Real friendly guy."


or is he? is he just friendly, or has he sensed your feelings and plays with them?
this question is even more relevant after i've read your next lines:

'When I go to return them or anything else he has lent us. He answers the door without his shirt. Real casual, like if I'm family. And he is a real stud muffin. Great shape and beautiful muscles. "


Don't be so hard with yourself -this is not what's going to solve your problem.
Just TRY to look at it from some more different angles, and try to see how many of the things you seem to find are really there - you might find out that at least some of them clash with reality.
I looks like YOU'VE found someone to put on a pedestal.

You know, there's no healthy relationship with any of the partners on a pedestal - we are all real people, with faults, merits, mistakes, achievements - you name it.

There is something I don't understand: in your other post you say:

"How do I stay away if he's always around with my husband. I cook for these guys. I pick up their mail when they're at work. We're like a big family."

So are you doing things only for BOTH of them, but you have nothing you do specifically for your husband?

Because if the answer is yes, than it agrees with the fact that you feel like you lack a role in your husbands life.


The first thing I would try, is to see him in a more realistic way, and like it has been already said by others, find his faults as well, really LOOK for them!

And next, try to spend some more time with our husband alone, try to learn MORE ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND - so that you'll find things you can do for HIM and feel that you have an important role in his life, and not only an important place in his heart.
Spending more time only with your husband, will haelp you build that special bond : intimacy.
I hope it helped, and if only a little.

Take good care of your life,
Millie
:)

p.s. - I apologize it's THAT long!

[lovely mmt]

Thanks for your help all of you.
Millie thanks for the input, no response is too long. I'm glad you took the time to really put it all down.

I think I might tell my husband tonight. He works so much we usually don't get to talk much unless its about the house, bills, or work. It'll be weird just coming out and saying it. How do I even bring it up. I don't want to hurt him. But I'm losing sleep over my guilty concience.

I think your right millie about not feeling needed.
I certaintly don't have to work, but I've been putting in applications to really great jobs lately. My husband said he supports whatever I want to do.
I told him that I feel like a trapped animal at home all the time. I took up tons of hobbies and have so much fun with my babies. But I don't feel fulfilled.
He will be getting home at 2 in the morning. I'll let you know how it goes. Any advice how to break it to him would help.

[milliec]

Well I must say, I'm lost in that matter.
I try to put myself in your position, and I feel like walking on thin ice, careful not to fall in the icy water and drawn!
(deep water is the thing I'm scared of, really!)
As far as I can see, my husband couldn't take such a thing, but my husband is THE VErY OPPOSITE OF YOURS!

In any case, tell him how much you love him and tell him torment about this terrible thing which crushed on you like a disaster and that you need HIS help to overcome it!
Ensure him that you're not telling him to clean your conscience and go on with it, but in order to get his help to get rid of this ordeal.
I'm not sure about this, but may be he won't be hurt too much in this way, and you won't endanger your marriage.
Tell me how things are going, I really worry.
I wish you the best of luck and take care,

Millie

[lovely mmt]

Do you think if I did tell him about my huge infatuation; his friendship with this guy will be wrecked or not the same. He enjoys this guys company a lot. My husband has mentioned that he considered him family. Like his brother.
I don't want things to get weird between them.
Great! I didn't really think of that till now. Should I tell him or not? What the heck do I do. Keep quiet and deal with it on my own, or wreck his friendship?

[JoeCanada76]

It is up to you wheather you want to tell him that you have a crush on his friend or not. Or do you think you can let it go completely and not let anything interfere. If so than, I personally would let it go and forget about it and not open up wounds.

[lovely mmt]

I don't want to tell him about it really.
But I also want to be honest with him. I owe him that much don't you think? Think about it this way. (If you are married) Would you appreciate the honesty your partner gave you by telling you the truth? Or would you not want to know?