[blustar8i8]

Alrite I'm back. Its been a while since I've been on this thing but I have another problem. For those who already don't know I had an old post called dealing (read for the scoop). Well things were really good for us for about a month. Then it all crashed and burned again. I quit my job because the doctor was a complete a** and things with my boyfriend and I just went up in flames. I guess a lot of you are saying I told you so, I should have moved on when I had the chance, but I couldn't do it. Any relationship who has as many probs as we did with in four months is doomed anyway. Yeah I know. Easier said then done. He never made me feel good. I felt like I was constantly walking on egg shells because I didn't want to upset him or do something wrong. I was so insecure about our relationship. I couldn't stand it but with out it isn't any better. I do however feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I can hang out with who I want and do whatever it is I feel like. See, on st patricks day a few friends came back home from school, I went to a party with them honestly just to talk and hang out. These were friends that I've known all my life and don't see very often, especially since I've been dating this guy. Well one happened to be a guy we are the best of friends and he was really drunk and was outside puking and I was just making sure he was OK. Well one of my boyfriends friends walked through the door and saw me. I felt somewhat guilty even though I wasn't doing anything wrong but I knew he would tell him he saw me at a party and I knew he wouldn't be OK with that. I would have told him but no. 1 he was asleep and his phone was off and 2 if I want to be with my friends for a little while, why is that such a problem? But anyway, I knew hed be mad, and sure enough his friend told him the next day that I left with another guy. Needless to say he broke up with me. Again. I just said OK. I knew it was going to happen. And in a way I didn't really care. I knew I didntdo anything. I didn't lie. I didn't do anything wrong. I was honest with him and told him everything that happened before his friend even called him. I guess I was testing him in a way to see how he would act. Maybe that was wrong of me? I tried so many times to talk to him, I was begging for him to pay some attention to me, but he is way too wrapped up in his own life to even be concerned about me. He's even told me that he knows that he's self centered. He's needy, moody, a recovering alcoholic. I think that has A LOT to do with it. He's even told me that he is too important to him to worry about me and what I'm dealing with, he can't deal with my probs. I'm sorry but I need to feel some sort of love and support. Anyway, we didn't talk for a while then the first of April we started talking again and seeing each other. It was OK for a while but things started to unravel again with in a few weeks. There I was craving some kind of attention from him. And when I finally said something about it he blew up. Again. Told me that I have all the problems. I should have never quit my job. Basically every decision I've made since I've known him has been the wrong one. So I completely broke down. He told me I needed help and I need to find out what my purpose in life is. And then continued to call me crazy, because I keep going back to him expecting better results. And the way he talks to me, he's so manipulative. I believed every word of it. I was seriously on the verge of a nervous break down. I know I have a lot of battles and I really need to work them out but I don't need to be reminded of them every day. He says he tells me because he cares and wants to see me do well?? I would never ever say anything like that to him. I've always been 100% behind him in everything he's ever done. I never talked bad about him or let him feel anything less then good enough. But that's not how I was treated. He made me feel like I was the size of a pea. The sad thing is I know that if he called me tomorrow I would talk to him. If he appologized and said lets talk. Id be right there. I know I would. I'm weak. I've never been so weak for someone. I don't want him. Its sort of like how abused wives go back to there beating husbands. Just don't want it to go away. Maybe I am crazy. I hope not. I don't want to be. Wouldn't he be just as crazy for talking to me again in the first place? I don't want to depend on him for my happiness, and I think I was so used to him being there and I was cold to be suddenly with out. I don't want to deal with the pain, the tears and the heartache. I have to see him every weekend. And I'm not going to stop going just because he's there. Maybe this is dumb to say and I know that I'm young and its too early to find mr right, but I wonder if he's even out there? I really wanted this relationship to work. I tried so hard at something that should have been efortless though.:( I'm really sad. About him, I still haven't found a job, I've burned a lot of bridges with good friends because of him, I'm awful. I'm so sick of picking up my pieces only to break them again. This time last year I was almost on my death bed. Did I really deserve this to happen. Would it kill the ol mighty himself to bring some good fortune in my life!! I need advice. I want to be happy with me and love my life and live everyday to the fullest, I don't want to feel like I need a man in my life to be happy even when it means destroying myself worth. But how can I find that when I'm going down a dead end road?

[fredg]

Hi,
Life is not always easy, as you have posted. It's not what happens to me today, it's all in how I accept it. If I can do something about it, I do it. If I can't, then forget it, and move on.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. How will you accept things today? Not tomorrow, but today?
Don't worry about tomorrow, just act today. Be yourself, SMILE, and look for the good things in your life today.
There is someone out there, just for you. He will be caring, kind, warm, sensitive to your needs, and want to do anything just to make you happier!
All you have to do is find him. Be Selective; don't date just anyone. Keep looking for a job, talking with others, and tell yourself that "just for today, I am OK".
Always SMILE when talking with others. It shows you like yourself, and they will like you, too. Move on with your life, live it, and forget about the past. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[Wildcat21]

Fred - unfortunately not everyone can accept someone like the person you mention - some people need the drama and even abuse to exist - they don't know any better.

[talaniman]

Hi Buestar, Sorry to hear that life is so rotten but the good news is you can change all that. Since you don't have the relationship with that loser to weigh you down you should be celebrating your freedon and enjoying the peace of mind that comes with getting a monkey off your back. Next guess what? You can do anything that pleases you at this point in life and go anywhere your heart desires, so you really should be smiling right now and planning how to take advantage of your new lease on life and what adventure will you get into next! Look in the miror and smile back at the lucky person you see smiling at you. See how easy that was?:cool: :eek:

[s_cianci]

You need to force yourself to stay away from this guy, much the same way that an alcoholic has to force himself to stay away from booze. Whatever temptations may strike you, be sure never to put yourself in a position where they potentially could. If you're worried about him calling you, change your number. Change your e-mail address and your AIM screen name or your ID for any other IM service you may use. If you're worried about him dropping by, then move. Not across the country, just across town, so he won't know where you are. Instruct your friends that under no circumstances are they to share with him any information about your new whereabouts. Don't go to any bars, etc. where he's known to hang out. In short, avoid him like the plague. Make it so that you've disappeared off the face of the earth as far as he's concerned. He sounds like a game player who knows he can use you for what he wants when he wants it so he's going to keep doing so unless you make it impossible for him to do so. You have no other option here ; otherwise he'll destroy you.

[fredg]

I believe I said the same thing; "move on with your life".

[blustar8i8]

Thank you for your answer. I do feel better reading your answers. I've never been in this kind of cituation before and I don't want the drama in my life at all. I do not need it nor do I want it. I guess I just expected everything to just be roses and I busted my butt trying to make it that way, and I still failed. I had a talk with my mom about the whole thing last night, and she made me feel a lot better. When my dad left us when I was 3 she though her whole world was going to end. He told her that she would be nothing but a failure and she would have nothing in life. He was all she knew since she was 16 and for him to just get up and go and say I don't love you anymore, she couldn't comprehend. She swore to herself that she wouldn't let him stomp on her like that. My mom is not a failure at all. She's an inspiration. Yes she struggles, and has hard times but she has by no means failed as a mother. She didn't have to prove it to him she proved it to her self and it made her very strong. There isn't much that she hasn't been through. I felt like my 7 month of what I guess you would call a relationship seems soooo petty compared to that! I will get over it. I will go on. I will be happy and live for me, because I am what matters. For the past two weeks I just wanted to give up. All I did was sleep all day and all night I never came out of my room. It scared my family to death. I don't want to be like that, because one person in this world thinks that I'm never going to amount to anything. I'm too young to be worried about some guy who had way to many issues of his own to even consider asking me about mine. Ill find my happiness. I have nothing to be sad about really. I'm healthy again, its been a year since I've been in the hospital, I have a family that loves me to death, I'm looking everyday for a job even though I'm so frustrated that I haven't heard anything, I want to go back to school and I'm so excited to find my niche.

[kayleigh1989]

I think it was best that you moved on its best with out him forget him an move on.an I think you should make it up with your mates because realtionships always break up freindship. Never go against your mates because of what a mans said think about yourself for once.hope it goes well for you in finding the love of your like.