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jan52009 · Aug 22, 2008, 01:09 PM

Ok so my ex girlfriend and I are having a kid together in January but she thinks it OK to tell me what I can and can not do visitation wise. At first everything was kosher with her the baby having my last name and me getting to help decide things but now she thinks none of it is my choice or the fact that I don't have the right to do so. She also now thinks it will be more convenient for the child to take her last name for reasons like flying places or for doctors visits, well what if I want to go somewhere with my child it does not make it convenient for me at all. She is also getting to my family like she wants my life to be hell she has gotten in between my brother and I, my sister in law, and now she is starting to get in between my step mother and I. it is to the point of I don't even know the steps to take to make things right. Any suggestion will help!

Danap · Aug 22, 2008, 11:04 PM

Sorry, sounds like you may have to go to court.

nickeknew · Aug 22, 2008, 11:13 PM

Well before court you may want to think of the followin:Who can support the child better financially? Remember in a case like this the child is what matters and you have to do whatevers best for him/her.

N0help4u · Aug 23, 2008, 07:24 AM

Right now do not argue with her about what you want AT ALL.
You need to try and get your name on the birth certificate if she is not planning on your name being on it. That is all you want to do right now, is probably show up at the hospital and try getting your name on it or something acknowledging paternity.
Then whether you are able to do that go to family court and tell them you want to establish paternity so you can pay child support/joint custody/visitations.
If she is planning on getting assistance such as welfare's case assistance you might want to tell them you are the father too. Not sure if that will get you anywhere but it is worth a try if she does go that route.
She can't collect child support off you if she doesn't claim you as the father, but she may think she has enough family support or think she will just go for welfare. I think I heard somewhere that some states won't give case assistance if the father is listed as unknown. If you are listed as the father then they will give her assistance but make you pay the state back. So do not argue or discuss anything right now just work on getting your name on the birth certificate.
She is just using the 'her last name excuse as a reason to not put your last name. She is the mother, she can prove it so last name doesn't have anything to do with it.

Danap · Aug 23, 2008, 11:33 AM

Be sure to get a paternity test. Her behavior seems kind of odd. Usually the mother wants to give the baby the father's last name. I don't want to sound disrespectful, but you do need to protect yourself.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 23, 2008, 12:22 PM

You always want it though the court. First you set up proper child support, and that will be due from the date you no longer lived with her after the child was born, and you get court set dates to visit.

If she is causing trouble, you use a 3rd party to do the pickup and return.

ScottGem · Aug 23, 2008, 12:59 PM

Unitl you are acknowledged as the legal father, then you have no rights. If she doesn't allow your name on the birth certificate then you will need to go to court to force the issue. So as soon as the baby is born you file for joint custody and get the court to order visitation.

erin7799 · Aug 23, 2008, 01:00 PM

If they aren't getting married or even together, then why would she want to give the baby his last name?

N0help4u · Aug 23, 2008, 01:02 PM

It is common tradition to give the baby the fathers last name. I think partly for tracing genealogy. Not giving a baby the fathers last name has only become popular in recent years.

ScottGem · Aug 23, 2008, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by erin7799

If they aren't getting married or even together, then why would she want to give the baby his last name?

She might not want to. But the father has rights, he just may need to go to court to enforce them.

stinawords · Aug 23, 2008, 01:43 PM

As already pointed out you will need to go to court. If she dosen't put you on the because then just add that to your list of what has to be accomplished in court. As soon as the baby is born file a petition to have your name added with your last name (if that's what you want) and visitation. The judge will first order a DNA test and if it comes back positive will order support and visitation and the because changed.