[girlsconfused1]

I have a problem, my boyfriend looks at porn way too much! It doesn't matter how much sex I give him, he still does it. This, as far as I know, is not something that he has always done, at least not this frequently. The worst part is that he lies about it! I have tried to talk to him about it and he gets really angry, won't answer any of my questions(no matter how calm I am about it) and does not tell me ANYTHING. He gets so angry and then turns the whole thing around and blames me for fighting with him, even when I say "look, I know you are doing it just tell me the truth, Im not mad at you"
He does not know I know how much he is doing it, and it really is starting to make me feel insecure, like Im not good enough.( I could understand it if I was fat and not attractive, but Im not! I am in shape and am doing my best to get in even better shape because of this, its really messing with my head!) I just don't get it, and it really hurts me that he would rather look at porn the minute I leave. The part that hurts the most is the lies ( why does he lie about it?) and the fact that I started to give him more sex to see if it would stop, and its not stopping.

Im getting really sick of it and I can't even say anything!
We have just moved to vegas and Im wondering if it is affecting him? I just don't know what to do and it is really hurting me more and more every day. We have had our ups and downs in our relationship and have even broken up a couple of times, but we always seem to get back together. I really love him and he says he loves me and don't want anything to come between us but I don't trust him now because of the lies about the porn, so it makes me wonder what else he lies about. How do I deal with this? How do I talk to someone who is IMPOSSIBLE to talk to, gets mad and lies?
How do I deal with this? Do I let it go or do I say something and cause a fight? And if I cause a fight he threatens to break up with me to get out of it.

I am so hurt by this and am desperate for some answers as to how and what to do about this. Communication is not something he is good at specially if he gets "busted" and does not want to talk about it.
HELP! Im at my wits end and need some answers.

[FullOfSecrets]

Stop having sex with him until he begs you to.. [maybe]
Talk to him about it. If he starts getting mad about it stop. Let it be.
You don't like him watching porn ignore him, if you can't than take a break from this relationship.

Though guys watching porn are normal..

I'm sorry if ican't help.

[smoothy]

This is a mistake many women make. A guy watching porn has absolutely nothing to do with the woman, how she looks or how she is in bed.

Guys are visual, we like to see naked women. It doesn't matter if we married Christy Brinkley or Roseanne Barr.

Don't make the mistake of thinking it has to be you or porn. They are totally separate things in a guys mind.

[shaadow]

I am a women and I understand how you feel, but I think you are making a big deal out if it. The reason that he lies about it is that he likes to do this but he also knows that YOU don't like it. Maybe he lies because he does not want you to feel bad. Try not to take it personally, it might be something temporary that will lessen by time. But if you argue a lot about it, it will affect your relationship. I have a suggestion, I would sit and watch the porn with him if I were you. I know we women do not like porn as men do, to me it is disgusting and I perefe to watch a romantic movie to turn me on rather than porn, but if you love him you might try looking at the world from his eyes instead of forcing him to be what you program him to be. We all have our shortcomings that we do not want our partner to know about, or we expect them to ignore them. A human being is not an angel, what makes a man attractive is a mixture of good and evil that nature has created. If he is not after other wemon and only likes to watch porn, just let him do it, it is not cheating, and it does not mean you are not good enough. Good for you to be so in shape, keep well, and let him have his privacy for a while or watch the porn with him. I am sure he will not watch it that often after a while. Good luck!

[sweety82]

The thing with guys is that they like to have there own private space where they could just do whatever they want without any explanation or limitations. Its not about how you look or how many times you do it, it about his ME time. Obviously he doesn't want to talk about it so just give him his privacy and let it be. Just think about it would you prefer for your man to look at porn or to be unfaithful? So just give the man a break just as long as your sex life is not going downhill I don't think you should make this a problem.

[Choux]

YOu aren't powerless in life, girl, you have the capacity to get what you want out of life and what kind of man you want. Never forget that; you can make happiness for yourself or make the opposite through passivity.

There are several articles out about how porn is harmful to young men... look them up on the internet if you are interested.

Hope you have a very happy life going forward. :)

[ISneezeFunny]

At the same time... why would you "fight" about him watching porn? Is this affecting the relationship in any way? Does he ignore you... is your sex life being hurt by it? Of course he's going to lie to you about porn... who wouldn't? That's his "private" time... if anyone started asking you about how your last cycle went... wouldn't you lie?. or actually, you'd probably not say much, right?

It's awkward to talk about him watching porn. Yes, there are harmful effects of watching porn... and porn addiction is a serious condition, however, I feel that if this isn't affecting your relationship, leave it be.

[shaadow]

This is a mistake many women make. A guy watching porn has absolutely nothing to do with the woman, how she looks or how she is in bed.

Guys are visual, we like to see naked women. It doesn't matter if we married Christy Brinkley or Roseanne Barr.

Don't make the mistake of thinking it has to be you or porn. They are totally seperate things in a guys mind.

It is interesting to know... I still do not understand men. Could you also explain how it goes, if you love the women you are living with why you enjoy watching naked women or even waking in the street your head turns towards a half naked women in the street? Doesn't that mean that the woman you are walking with is not attarctive to your eyes? (by you I mean you men, not you personally) I would be happy if you reply to this thanks :)

[ISneezeFunny]

... you're telling me you don't watch a movie and find Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan attractive?

[Wondergirl]

It is interesting to know... i still do not understand men. could you also explain how it goes, if you love the women you are living with why you enjoy watching naked women or even waking in the street yur head turns towards a half naked women in the street? Doesn't that mean that the woman you are walking with is not attarctive to your eyes? (by you i mean you men, not you personally) I would be happy if you reply to this thanks :)

Like smoothy said, men are visual. It has nothing to do with you if he sees a pretty woman while he is with you. Note: "he is with YOU."

He doesn't compare other women to you. His brain in divided into two parts: other women and YOU, and the two parts don't mix together.

[Synnen]

Every woman that has a huge issue with porn and wants their partner to give it up should in return give up romance novels, chick flicks, romantic comedies, and anything else that gives unrealistic expectations of romance.

I'd be more upset about him lying than about the porn--and it seems to me that you are.

Have you explained that to him? Have you said "Look honey--I don't care that you watch porn. I just want you to NOT lie to me".

However, if you have a problem with porn at all, no wonder he lies about it.

You have 3 choices that I can see:
1. Stay with him and accept that porn is going to be a private and not discussed part of his life, and NEVER bring it up or be upset about it again
2. Leave, because you can't live with the porn at all.
3. Nag at him about it until he leaves because he's tired of hearing about it.

You can't change him. YOu can only change you.

[smoothy]

It is interesting to know... i still do not understand men. could you also explain how it goes, if you love the women you are living with why you enjoy watching naked women or even waking in the street yur head turns towards a half naked women in the street? Doesn't that mean that the woman you are walking with is not attarctive to your eyes? (by you i mean you men, not you personally) I would be happy if you reply to this thanks :)

Because looking at naked women has absolutely nothing to do with love. Its not an emotional thing at all for us. My wife for example will point out the women with big boobs walking by to me. Or a really hot looking woman. And she spots them before I do half the time. What she knows is I come home with her every night because I chose her. She also knows half of those knock out women don't have the best of attitudes most of the time. She also knows that there is always a more beautiful woman out there. It don't matter who you are. Your looks might get his attention at first... but its your personality that wins his heart and keeps it.

Many women like to oogle at Prada bags and shoes even if they know they won't buy them. Guys like to see good looking women, they know they aren't going to have any of them but that doesn't make them any less enjoyable to look at.

Now just to be clear I'm talking looking alone... there will be a tiny percentage of guys that will wander off to talk with them, most are content just to look.

[shaadow]

...you're telling me you don't watch a movie and find Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan attractive?

Not really! I mean, I find them attractive as human beings, just as I find Zeta Jones attarctive as a woman. Is this the same for men? Why do I feel my feelings are so pure and those of men are dirty? You know I understand what girlsconfused feels, my husband does not watch porn, not after he got narried, he watched it before and he never minded talking about it, he even showed me the vedios, a couple of times, but then he stopped watching them. It is interesting that I was not unhappy if he watched porn, I did not feel I am not attarctive, but if we were in the street and he turned and looked at an attarctive girl, I felt very humuliated or if a friend of mine wore open clothes and he treated her nicly and charming, then later if we wanted to have sex, I thought he was turned on by that women, not me. I also think that when a women says, a manis attractive, she just means they look good, but when a man says a women is attractive, it means they like to sleep with her. I am sorry I say this, it must be wrong, but that is the way I feel and it bothers me. I know I should not think that way about men, perhaps they are just attarcted and do not have any dirthy thoughts at all, or those who have dirty thoughts are minor people who might be sick and normally men just like to watch pretty women and that is normal.

[shaadow]

Because looking at naked women has absolutely nothing to do with love. Its not an emotional thing at all for us. My wife for example will point out the women with big boobs walking by to me. Or a really hot looking woman. And she spots them before I do half the time. What she knows is I come home with her every night because I chose her. She also knows half of those knock out women don't have the best of attitudes most of the time. She also knows that there is always a more beutiful woman out there. It don't matter who you are. Your looks might get his attention at first....but its your personality that wins his heart and keeps it.

Many women like to oogle at Prada bags and shoes even if they know they won't buy them. Guys like to see good looking women, they know they aren't going to have any of them but that doesn't make them any less enjoyable to look at.

Now just to be clear I'm talking looking alone.....there will be a tiny percentage of guys that will wander off to talk with them, most are content just to look.

Thank you for your reply. It is good to know what is in a man's mind. :)

[shaadow]

Like smoothy said, men are visual. It has nothing to do with you if he sees a pretty woman while he is with you. Note: "he is with YOU."

He doesn't compare other women to you. His brain in divided into two parts: other women and YOU, and the two parts don't mix together.

You put it so nicely, thanks!

[girlsconfused1]

To respond to some of your coments, Im not making it a big deal Im just getting tired of it and don't like the way it makes me feel and what kind of relationship do we have if I am being lied to? Its being lied to that Im so upset about. Not to mention he is starting to do it 2 times a day and Im wondering if he has become addicted to it.

All Im asking for is how to deal with this in a adult way so that BOTH of us are happy. I don't want to have to deal with this later when Im older and have more wrinkles, I have a feeling it will bother me more when I don't look as good as I do now. Why can't he be happy seeing me naked? Its not like I don't get naked for him all the time. I would have no problem making a porn with him if he "has" to do it so much.
In fact I offered and he said no. So,
I don't get it, Im open to spicing up our sex life( and on occasion have done new things), why won't he do it with me? Lying and not doing it with me is what hurts so bad. Im not a prude, however there are some things that I just won't do and he had never asked to do them. I think its pretty bad when your man has to wack off to porn when he has a perfectly naked girlfriend who, if he asked, would do these things with him. So, not only am I hurt but Im pissed too!

[DanPatrick10]

Deep down inside, your boyfriend probably loves you. However, he is suffering from an addiction to pornography. Most likely he wants help, but doesn't know how to ask for it. Pornography can be very destructive to relationships because it warps men's perspective of women.

If you try to talk to him about it, he'll deny it because he is too ashamed and embarrassed to admit it. Some people say the best thing to do is remove all access to pornography. Magazines, pictures, internet, video.

Impure thoughts are seeded at a young age, and from their they begin to grow. Healing your mind from these thoughts can be a very long and difficult process, but in time
Someone can heal from it.

My advice is to set yourself free from the relationship, and when he realizes you're gone he'll think about his mistakes and make a commitment to heal himself for the better. Just remember, his spirit is suffering too.

[smoothy]

I think the problem is with yourself esteme and not him looking at porn. Try and force him to do something to compensate for your own weaknesses will only cause problems and resentment from him.

Listen, he chose to be with you... there are plenty of women out there he could easily be with if that's what he wanted. Try not to drive him into leaving because you have insecurities. He's not fooling around on you. That would be totally different if he was.

Looking at porn isn't an addiction unless he's spending hour after hour every day doing it. Otherwise more than 20 minutes browsing the women's apperal section at the mall would be an addiction as well if you didn't really need new clothes.

[shaadow]

I think the problem is with your self esteme and not him looking at porn. Try and force him to do something to compensate for your own weaknesses will only cause problems and resentment from him.

Listen, he chose to be with you...there are plenty of women out there he could easily be with if thats what he wanted. Try not to drive him into leaving because you have insecurities. He's not fooling around on you. That would be totally different if he was.

Looking at porn isn't an addiction unless he's spending hour after hour every day doing it. Otherwise more than 20 minutes browsing the womens apperal section at the mall would be an addiction as well if you didn't really need new clothes.

I do not understand why you compare window shopping to watching porn? I guess you want us to understand why men watch porn. However, as a woman, I only go shopping when I need to and look at the places I know I can find something. But yes some women like it, but I do not think they do it twice a day, or if you ask them if they did they won't hide or lie about it. There is something about porn which is embaressing. A women's feeling insecure depends on how safe she feels in her relationship. If your wife talked about other men's success and compared you to them you would feel unsecure no matter how confident you were. I do not want to say that men should not watch porn at all, but I believe that when in a relationship, out of respect or love, they should not watch it so often it it makes the other person uncomfortable or insecure.

And if we look at things we cannot pay for, inside we think, one day I am going to buy this beautiful piece of furniture, or what if I had this furniture?" Do you have the same thing in mind when you look at women? ", do you think, I will someday get a women like this, or I wish I could sleep with her? If yes, then it is wrong, and if no, then window shopping is not comparable with porn... lets just admit that some men, are addicted to porn, it might not mean that they are not happy with the women they are with, but it means they have some shortcomings or unfinished business that they are compensating for by watching porn. Anyway, I guess our friend should not stay in this relationship if her boyfriend does not pay attention to her feelings, she says it is twice a day, then maybe it is really addiction, and it has lasted for a long time. If he does not feel resposible for his relationship he should better leave it.

However, I also feel, and it might be wrong that girlsconfised's view is wrongm since she herself, judges people by apearence and she says she would spect it from her boyfriedn to watch porn if she were fat! Whish I believe is wrong, it is even worse...

[Ammaniti]

...you're telling me you don't watch a movie and find Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan attractive?

Watching a movie and incidentally finding someone attractive is one thing; looking for a movie of someone you find attractive performing coitus is slightly different.