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erin7799 · Aug 17, 2008, 08:35 PM

Oh I don't know what to do! My 8 yr. old son came to me the other night and asked if he could tell me something personal. I said Absolutely! He told me that he thought his friends sister liked him. Because she told him that she did. She is 11. I asked him if she said that she "liked him" or did she mean that she "liked him, liked him." lol I know. I felt stupid even saying it like that! And he said..."Likes Me, Likes Me!" He is so worried about this. He really has a crush on this girl and he wants to know if it's ok to ask her to be his girlfriend. I asked him what he thought it meant for her to be his girlfriend and he said that they would just "hang out" and "stuff". So I asked him what it is that they do now? And he said..."hang out" I asked him why he thought that she had to be his girlfriend in order for them to hang out? Then he told me how cool he thought it would be if they get married because then his best friend would be his ... "Step-Brother" ! LOL Yes, he said step-brother. I corrected him, though. :) Oh gotta love kids. Anyway, what do I do about this? Do I just let it run it's course and allow them to be "b-friend and g-friend"? Is this just a cute first crush, puppy love thing? I mean, he's ONLY 8! He'll be 9 in October. And she's 11 like I said. I don't know what to think of all of this. I am totally stumped. I knew this day would come but not at 8 yrs old!! HELP ME before I lose my mind! My brothers and I weren't interested in dating until we were 11. At least that's when we asked people to school dances and stuff. That's when I had my first "boyfriend". But he was 13. NOT 8! What do I do?? :confused:

startover22 · Aug 17, 2008, 08:52 PM

I say tell him its more safe for the sake of his friendship with her and her brother to stay friends...
Tell him there is nothing wrong with having a crush. Do you really want him to stress out at 8 years old over a girl? I would say 10 or 11 is normal now a days, but 8 is just to young in my mind. AND yes, he sounds adorable, but you have to set that oh it's adorable stuff aside. Just my opinion... good luck!

erin7799 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:09 PM

I know that it's entirely too young to be worrying about girls. I remember playing w/ Barbies, watching the Smurfs and playing the Atari at 8 years old! He's worried about his clothes, hair, friends... Oh wow. It almost made me sick! I did tell him that. How it could affect the friendship, etc... I just think that he's too young! I keep trying to tell him that he has his whole life ahead of him to deal w/ this kind of thing! Not at 8 years old! I am just afraid that if I tell him NO then it'll seem more appealing and they'd do it anyway. UUGGH!

startover22 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:13 PM

When you are "blank" you can start seeing girls... that is the end of the conversation! You can have crushes... but that is as far as it will go, am I understood? That is what I would say and say we are done talking about it. Sorry to be harsh, but... as the story goes, they get by with this, he is going to want a cell phone at 9

KISS · Aug 17, 2008, 09:16 PM

We have to go back many years. I had a girlfriend in about 3rd or 4th grade. Problem was, it created a major problem with my peers and her peers. i.e they would not let us be girlfriend and boyfriend or even hang out together. At that age and time boys played with boys and girls played with girls.

I don't know what the scoop is today or if that separation still occurs.

My advise would be to discourage bf/gf if none of his peers have one.
You might try to ask at what age/grade do people have bf/gf's.

At this point you have a way to back up. It's not an age appropriate behavior at this time. Wait until your x to be bf/gf.

KISS · Aug 17, 2008, 09:18 PM

Startover:
Kid probably already has a cell to call only pre-programmed numbers.

startover22 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:18 PM

Dang, I hope not!

erin7799 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:28 PM

My son is such a funny kid. He wears a mohawk, sometimes it's yellow or orange. He wears clothes w/ skulls, guitars and drums. I always say that "you're only a kid once! Do what you can, while you can!" when it comes to being allowed to wear a colored mohawk, sleep in until 10am, play all day during summer break, etc... But I was putting my foot down about this because I just don't want him to worry about that stuff right now. I was just worried that if I made such a huge deal of it, it would just push him to do it more. I was just so confused because sometimes people tell me that I am too hard on him and that I expect too much from him. But I do! I have high expectations of him. He knows what's right and wrong. He's such a sweet, loving little man. And I didn't know if this was once instance where I was being " Too Hard" on him. Yeah, I agree. My answer is NO and he doesn't have to like it. But I just wanted to be sure I wasn't wrong in doing so.

startover22 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:31 PM

Erin... you go with this, you will be thankful you did!

isabelle · Aug 18, 2008, 04:43 AM

My child is 10 and has a cell phone. What's wrong with that? She is staying the night with friends and doing different things without me, so she is getting a little further away from me. She will never have to stay where she doesn't want to be. She can call me to come and get her.

Anyway the boyfriend /girlfriend thing. I told my child that all boys and girls could be her friends. I also told her that there would be no boyfriend as in going anywhere alone with him and his parents. I also explained this to the boys parents. I think she is far to young at 10 years old, so you know that I think 8 years old is too young. Let them be kids.
I don't think that peer pressure or who has or doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend should have anything to do with it.
Teach your child the values that you want him to grow up with.

erin7799 · Aug 18, 2008, 06:36 AM

I agree! Why do kids think they have to grow up so fast? Honestly, before you know it they're going to be bogged down w/ responsibility and they aren't going to be able to have as much fun the way they can now. I want him to stay innocent. Didn't happen. :) Thanks Guys! I knew I wasn't going to allow it, I just didn't know if I was right or not. I'll be the big, mean mom and not care! Lol

NowWhat · Aug 18, 2008, 07:35 AM

My daughter will be 8 in about 3 weeks. She has announced to all of her friends that "her mom said she could have a boyfriend this year" I do not recall this conversation. She is going to be in 2nd grade and I have told her that she doesn't need to worry about boys right now. And anyway, they change their minds so fast, the point may be moot!

The cell phone... we are thinking of getting her one for her b-day. It will only be able to call who we program in though and only receive calls from the contact list.

startover22 · Aug 18, 2008, 07:43 AM

Now, that is funny.
About the cell phone... does she go places without you? Everywhere my kids go there is a desk phone, or someone with a cell phone, if not, I hand over my phone and tell them the rules...
My daughter wants one... she is 11. My son got one in 7th grade, all football season, he had to wait the extra 15 minutes after everyone left so I wanted to make sure he was safe and good to go! It has been fine, he doesn't abuse his rights, but he has more numbers than I do and there is no way in he11 he will be texting while I am talking to him.
My daughter starts middle school this year, I suppose that is a good enough excuse to get her one, but I am not sure I am willing to go so far...

liz28 · Aug 18, 2008, 07:45 AM

You're right Erin to say no. My 7 year old daughter used to always come home from school and tel me some boy ask her to be his girlfriend but she told him no because me and he father sat down a before hand and told her anyone ask her to be their girlfriend, tell their no but they can be your friend. If they continue to bother her we told her to tell them to ask your mom or dad. One boy in he class brought her jewlry. I made her give it back and explain why it not good to accept gifts from people, but when I called the parents to inform them of their son actions the father said "I know he gave it to her, I brought it, I thought it was cute for him to have a crush on someone", how stupid and he was even madder that I made her return it to him, how foolish of the dad. Things are happening way to early for kids but it's up to the parents to guide them.

Also, my daughter has a cellphone. She takes the school bus to school and there have been times it was extremely late dropping her off from school that I got nervous. Now she calls me when she gets t school and her way home. I see nothing wrong with that because too many things happens now.

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2008, 07:56 AM

I think you have handled it pretty well so far. I would have asked him all the same questions
And it is cute, sweet and good that he came to you and asked your advice. Most kids just have the boyfriend or girlfriend and their parents are never aware of it until the girl is four months pregnant. Maybe tell him to call her his friend girl or something that shows she is a little more special to him than hang out buddy but yet not girlfriend.

NowWhat · Aug 18, 2008, 08:29 AM

Originally Posted by startover22

Now, that is funny.
About the cell phone...does she go places without you?

I wish I could say "yes" - but not really. We had an incident last year when the bus dropped her off at our house instead of day care. Of course, we weren't home and she freaked out. It would have been nice to have a phone then. Thank God for good neighbors!

The only reason we are seriously considering it is because of the plan we have with our cell phones, we can get a free phone and then the calls she will make will be free, because it will be to our cell phones and we are in the same plan. Or that is how it was explained to us. I am sure there is a monthly fee for the service, but we haven't gotten that far yet.

I don't know what the appeal is for the kids. Most of the places she goes to have a phone that she can use, but it isn't the same. Or as she says - "how BORING"!

erin7799 · Aug 18, 2008, 09:24 AM

I actually give him my cell phone when he's in the neighborhood playing w/ his friends and you can believe I call him every 25-30 minutes. I want to know what's going on! At one time I had gotten him walkie talkies and used them instead of a phone. My 1 yr.old ruined that when he threw one of them into the pool. Cell phones aren't such a bad idea as long as they're used properly. My son won't call anyone on that phone but me. And he doesn't answer it unless its me calling. But he only has it when he's in the neighborhood playing.

isabelle · Aug 18, 2008, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by startover22
Now, that is funny.
About the cell phone... does she go places without you?

Yes, I will have to say that at 10 years old she is starting to go places without me. That is why I want her to be safe. She does not have to depend on anyone else to borrow a cell phone, buy her something to eat or anything else.
She spends the night with friends and yes I know the parents but, do we really know what goes on when the door shuts at night? No we don't and if you think you do then you are kidding yourself. If Mom and Dad get into a screaming match at 2 am then my child can call me
At 10 years old my child goes to the movies with girl friends , sometimes I take them.. sometimes the other Moms take them. My child does not have to ask to borrow a phone if she needs me. She doesn't have to ask to borrow anything. She has her own money. She has her own phone and when she is old enough, she will have her own car. I want my child to be safe at all times. If a cell phone promotes safety then she will have one.
I am glad you are with your child 24/7 but I am not. She is getting older and as I said before she is doing things without me. That is normal.

For Erin: you have done a fine job. I think you made the right decision. Don't let anyone else tell you how to raise your children. You are doing a great job, just try to stay on top of things. I know it gets harder as they get older.

erin7799 · Aug 18, 2008, 12:20 PM

Thank You. I do find that as he gets older I am having a hard time making decisions. It's getting harder. I know that things are different nowadays than they were just when I was growing up. Things change and apparently so do parenting styles. This is the first time I've had to deal w/ anything like this so I just wasn't sure if I was being the overbearring mom by not letting him follow through w/ this schoolboy girlfriend/crush thing he has. Some people tell you by not allowing them to do certain things it's wrong. I know what I expect of MY children but I also want to do the right thing. Thanks!

isabelle · Aug 18, 2008, 01:54 PM

Erin, I think you are doing the right thing. My little girl has had boys want her for a girl friend and their parents seem to think that is OK. I don't.
I also don't care what others do, I will do what I think is right. The biggest surprise was that my little girl really didn't care and seemed relieved that I had made the decision.
I guess that let her off the hook with her friends and she can just be a kid.
Keep up the good work and follow your heart. You won't go wrong.