[lonely1]

My ex girlfriend is telling me she still loves me. What are some signs I should look for to see if she wants to reconnect with me. We have a little girl together so no contact is out. I have a gut felling that she is still in love with me and need to know what to do? I would love to get back with her but one minute she loves me the next she says she wants me to back off some. What's up?

[confused gal]

I don't know if this will help but If she still loves you she'll want to still hear from you, however little that may be... sounds like she only needs some space. Give her more time to miss you and think things through... Also if she says she loves you but then says to back off then maybe you are trying too hard. That doesn't mean you should stop trying it just means she's not ready to get back with you just yet!

[talaniman]

If I were in your shoes, I would make sure my kids didn't miss me, and wouldn't give a rats patoot what she was thinking about.

[lonely1]

I dont know if this will help but If she still loves you she'll want to still hear from you, however little that may be... sounds like she only needs some space. Give her more time to miss you and think things through... Also if she says she loves you but then says to back off then maybe you are trying too hard. That doesn't mean you should stop trying it just means she's not ready to get back with you just yet!

That's just it she still calls me goes on dates, sleeps with me, lays on the couch with me , lets me stay the night, etc. Last night I asked her if she wanted me to stop loving her and she didn't say a word. We talked and I asked if it mattered to her that I do love her and she said yes it did. After she went back into this I don't know if we can be together stuff and even asked what it would take for me to move on. Then she goes right back into make me miss you so I will want you to come over more and more. She has even told our friends that she is just confused and others that she is done she tells me she loves me. I found out she has been going to a bar a lot lately and she is busting at the seem to get back but she doesn't know I know that. She is wearing sexy thongs, cut her hair, wearing perfume again and stuff like that so is she hunting at the bar?

[Romefalls19]

She very well could be "hunting" but that's not the issue. You need to work on you, and worry about your girls. Not about what she is feeling, actions speak louder than words and right now going to the bar with the sexy thongs and stuff is screaming at you! Just back off from her

[erin7799]

How long were you together? How long have you been broken up? Who broke up w/ who? Then I can answer you better :)

[lonely1]

How long were you together? How long have you been broken up? Who broke up w/ who? Then I can answer you better :)

We were together for 5 years and she moved out only 2 and a half months ago...

[erin7799]

Ok. Well it sounds like a comfort thing. She has known you for 5 years. She has slept w/ you, laid w/you and spent nights w/ you for 5 years. It sounds like she is comfortable w/ you. She is telling you that she doesn't want to be w/ you. There is a difference between wanting to be w/ someone and using them for all of the things you're used to them giving you. Like the lovey, touchy, feely stuff. It's hard to move on sometimes even if you're the one who did the walking away. You 2 have a child together. Can I ask how old she is? Did she ever get to experience that whole bar/club scene? Did she have the chance to get it out of her system before she had a baby? Maybe if she never really had the chance to do all of that, she's going through it now. I had a child young and I never got to do any of that fun stuff w/ the friends until I was 25. I had a good few years of going out and having fun before I settled back down. I lost myself somewhere between playing housewife and mommy. I wasn't Erin anymore. I always had to make sure that everyone else came before me. And eventually, I put my son first, then me, then everyone and everything else. Could it be that she is going through that, too? My advice to you is that yes... She is most definitely not wearing thongs to the club/bar to impress her friends. Women do that stuff "just in case" someone else were to see them. Her haircut, all of it. It may just be that she needed a change. You have to listen to what you're saying. SHE asked YOU what it would take for you to move on. In that one question, she has said it all. She isn't interested in pursuing a relationship w/ you right now. So just let it be. Concentrate on your child and do the best you can w/ this situation. Let her do her thing and if you're still there when she's done and she wants to work it out, then the ball is in your court. You may not want her by then. You may have found someone else. Better. Just because you have kids together doesn't necessarily mean that you are meant to stay together. It isn't healthy for the kids to see a relationship like that and is that how you want to live this ONE life?

[lonely1]

Ok. Well it sounds like a comfort thing. She has known you for 5 years. She has slept w/ you, laid w/you and spent nights w/ you for 5 years. It sounds like she is comfortable w/ you. She is telling you that she doesn't want to be w/ you. There is a difference between wanting to be w/ someone and using them for all of the things you're used to them giving you. Like the lovey, touchy, feely stuff. It's hard to move on sometimes even if you're the one who did the walking away. You 2 have a child together. Can I ask how old she is? Did she ever get to experience that whole bar/club scene? Did she have the chance to get it out of her system before she had a baby? Maybe if she never really had the chance to do all of that, she's going through it now. I had a child young and I never got to do any of that fun stuff w/ the friends until I was 25. I had a good few years of going out and having fun before I settled back down. I lost myself somewhere between playing housewife and mommy. I wasn't Erin anymore. I always had to make sure that everyone else came before me. And eventually, I put my son first, then me, then everyone and everything else. Could it be that she is going through that, too? My advice to you is that yes... She is most definately not wearing thongs to the club/bar to impress her friends. Women do that stuff "just in case" someone else were to see them. Her haircut, all of it. It may just be that she needed a change. You have to listen to what you're saying. SHE asked YOU what it would take for you to move on. In that one question, she has said it all. She isn't interested in pursuing a relationship w/ you right now. So just let it be. Concentrate on your child and do the best you can w/ this situation. Let her do her thing and if you're still there when she's done and she wants to work it out, then the ball is in your court. You may not want her by then. You may have found someone else. Better. Just because you have kids together doesn't necessarily mean that you are meant to stay together. It isn't healthy for the kids to see a relationship like that and is that how you want to live this ONE life?

Thanks for the repost and I guess you are right! She is 29 and has been through the whole bar scene before. She says she is looking for the "cheers" atmosphere. Our child is three and she has another child by her exhusband which is not around anymore. Thas a whole different story. She was doing all this behind my back with mutual friends and everyone was lying to me about it. She has never been a drinker because her exhusband was an acholic and now it just so happens that the new people she is giving her number to are convicts. One she has told me that she hasn't conversed with in four years and just the other day she said she has been talking with him off on for that entire time. She meet a guy at the bar that I just so happened to know and they kissed but I found out she sent him a message saying she was only looking for a one night stand with him. I also found out that he turned her down and she saw him walk in with another woman and she got very pissed... this was only after seeing him out at the bar four times and kissing him once. He turned her down. I also found out that something happened at her work where she said she had to push a guy off her because he made a pass at her. What respectable woman would work 4 someone like that? She cleans houses and from a guys stand point there had to be something there for this guy to think it would work you know? She just called me and asked about one of my friends that goes to the same bar because she thinks my frined(which is a woman) is the one that ratted her out. She hasn't been back to the bar in three weeks and tells me she won't go back because I told her I would fight her for custody of our daughter but last night on myspace she sent a message to one of theses new friends asking if he would be there because she was going to try and come by the bar this weekend. I know I can't keep her from going to the bar but what bothers me is a) the car is my car only in my name b)she is hanging around the wrong people c) I am scared she is going to meet someone else and stuff start like this last one. c)she says she never has any money but yet she goes to the bar she says all she has to do is get in the door and everyone else pays for her drinks. Don't get me wrong she is a gorgeous woman but she is not exactly thin. She has big hips and probably weighs about 180 and stands 5'11 I think she is bueatiful but she doesn't . It has even came up that she is tired of being fat from her mouth. Where did that come from? Now what? She says feels like she is being smothered yet when I don't call or make any contact with her except for my daughter she calls me to talk like she just did. What now?

[lonely1]

Thanks for the repost and I guess you are right! She is 29 and has been through the whole bar scene before. She says she is looking for the "cheers" atmosphere. Our child is three and she has another child by her exhusband which is not around anymore. Thas a whole different story. She was doing all this behind my back with mutual friends and everyone was lying to me about it. She has never been a drinker due to the fact that her exhusband was an acholic and now it just so happens that the new people she is giving her number to are convicts. One she has told me that she hasnt conversed with in four years and just the other day she said she has been talking with him off on for that entire time. She meet a guy at the bar that I just so happened to know and they kissed but I found out she sent him a message saying she was only looking for a one night stand with him. I also found out that he turned her down and she saw him walk in with another woman and she got very pissed... this was only after seeing him out at the bar four times and kissing him once. He turned her down. I also found out that something happened at her work where she said she had to push a guy off of her because he made a pass at her. What respectable woman would work 4 someone like that? She cleans houses and from a guys stand point there had to be something there for this guy to think it would work you know? She just called me and asked about one of my friends that goes to the same bar because she thinks my frined(which is a woman) is the one that ratted her out. She hasnt been back to the bar in three weeks and tells me she wont go back because I told her I would fight her for custody of our daughter but last night on myspace she sent a message to one of theses new friends asking if he would be there because she was gonna try and come by the bar this weekend. I know I can't keep her from going to the bar but what bothers me is a) the car is my car only in my name b)she is hanging around the wrong people c) I am scared she is going to meet someone else and stuff start like this last one. c)she says she never has any money but yet she goes to the bar she says all she has to do is get in the door and everyone else pays 4 her drinks. Dont get me wrong she is a gorgeous woman but she is not exactly thin. She has big hips and probably weighs about 180 and stands 5'11 I think she is bueatiful but she doesnt . It has even came up that she is tired of being fat from her mouth. where did that come from? Now what? She says feels like she is being smothered yet when I dont call or make any contact with her except for my daughter she calls me to talk like she just did. What now?

Is this typical behavior for a 29 yearold mother of two?

[talaniman]

Yes one who is confused, and insecure, and doesn't know what she wants or needs. Back to you. Are you so detailed and analytical about you and your plans as you are about her and her behavior??

One thing most of us males do, is trip so hard trying to understand our female, we forget what we really should be paying attention to.

[erin7799]

Ok. Well in your original post you said that you would love to get back w/ her. Can I ask you why? If she is treating her own self in that manner, then why would you want someone like that? Is it just because of your kids? It sounds like you're giving yourself all of the reasons that you should not want to be w/ her. She's lied to you. How does that make you feel? She's mad at the fact that she thinks someone has "ratted her out" yet she isn't mad at herself for her silly behavior. Sounds a little immature. If you just met a woman in a coffee shop somewhere who is behaving JUST like your ex, would you still want to date her?

[lonely1]

Ok. Well in your original post you said that you would love to get back w/ her. Can I ask you why? If she is treating her own self in that manner, then why would you want someone like that? Is it just because of your kids? It sounds like you're giving yourself all of the reasons that you should not want to be w/ her. She's lied to you. How does that make you feel? She's mad at the fact that she thinks someone has "ratted her out" yet she isn't mad at herself for her silly behavior. Sounds a little immature. If you just met a woman in a coffee shop somewhere who is behaving JUST like your ex, would you still want to date her?

I see what you are saying and no I wouldn't... why I want to get back with her is because it wasn't always like this. This just started when she moved out! We had a lot of great times together. I am ex military and have a hard time expressing my feelings . In fact the only emotion I am truly in touch with is my anger. That's bad I know but true. I am working on that. She has sent me text messages saying stuff like how she was jealous of how much I love my daughter (she is the mom) she has told me that if I had just showed her that I loved her then we would not be here now. I have always loved her I just got in a rutt and grew comfortable so therefore I thought she always knew I loved her. I admit that was my fault! She says I will always have a place in her heart but I can't understand how she can just cut it all off in such a short time. She says she likes being alone and not looking 4 anything but friends but when I ask her what happened with the last one she hooked up with she says she wasn't looking it just fell in her lap. This made me sick to my stomach... she even said the reason she was attracted to him was because he reminded her of me in a lot of ways... explain that one.. lol I am listening to your advise I promise and I am grateful for all the help just so dang confused... It is like a shoot to the gut is what it took to wake me up..