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topgirl · Aug 10, 2008, 12:43 PM

Hi,
I am an iranian woman that I never feel love inside. I try always to make it but never happened.
I just married and I have a child,but my husband always told me that he loves our son and that means love me also, but I don't believe it because I think loving your child is different from loving your wife,isn't it?
As our culture, a lot of couple are living with each other without love and just for their children.Is that true?
If no,after divorce what happened for our child when my husband don't accept that my son lives with me and he works in another country?
He wants to force me to living with each other just for my son!! :confused:

talaniman · Aug 10, 2008, 09:08 PM

Just curious did you ever love him? If not why marry him, and have a child??

Janmarie · Aug 10, 2008, 09:35 PM

Was this marriage pre arranged? And are you considering divorce?

topgirl · Aug 11, 2008, 02:46 PM

I'm agree with you.I make a grand mistake and just believe him with his saying. I'm a very positive person that don't think may be a person says lie!
At the first years he show me a good apparent. In spite of the fact that he was very aggressive but I had a big tolerance in hard situation.
After 8 years that we live with each other he always thinks that we are a lucky couple and we don't have any serious problem but always I was afraid to tell him that I am tired and after that I told him he make me harm.He wants that I remain at home without any relationship with other people and that make me tiered I'm now depressed and I hate him. He don't understand that I'm a human that I myself have my property and when we married that doesn't means we are in a prison.
What do you think can I love my jailer when after 8 years told me that he has married with me because he believe that an iranian woman must do everything that his husband want and anything more and he don't like to free his wife?!

talaniman · Aug 11, 2008, 02:51 PM

Maybe standing up for yourself will help. Is it to late? NO!

Janmarie · Aug 11, 2008, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by topgirl

I'm now depressed and I hate him. He don't understand that I'm a human that I myself have my property and when we married that doesn't means we are in a prison.
what do you think can I love my jailer when after 8 years told me that he has married with me because he believe that an iranian woman must do everything that his husband want and anything more and he don't like to free his wife ???!!!!!

Is your husband Iranian too? Do you live in the USA?

If you hate him and feel you are in a prison and he doesn't allow you to go anywhere or do anything on your own free will then that is a crime in the United States...married or not. Asking if you can love after 8 years is a question you need to answer. We can't change or tell someone how they are to feel. These are your feelings.

I know you can find the answer within yourself.

topgirl · Aug 12, 2008, 01:05 AM

I'm just 31 years old and I'm sure that is not late but now that I start to working and also continue my studying in university, he starts to grieve me by don't allow me to visit my child and talking with him alon!
My husband is iranian also.He works in Italy where that I was all this 8 years but unbelievable I hate italy now and when I return to Milan I become more depressed.
I live in a university town in Germany and I decided to continue my studding for master degree.
14 August is my son's birthday and I miss him a lot ,but He is now convey my son in Iran and told me that we are in vacation and if you want to see your son come here in Iran!!
I start to asking about my visit law but you know that take a lot of time and when I think about my son I loos all my energy.
Can you imagine my situation that I was 8 years at home and now I feel myself among a lot of new thing and I don't know how could I start with less mistake and more happiness .

talaniman · Aug 12, 2008, 08:07 AM

Focus on the tasks at hand and do well in them. Time is on your side and all that matters is for you to complete your goal of a degree. This will help your own future, and your sons'.

Janmarie · Aug 12, 2008, 08:56 AM

Okay now I have a better understanding of your situation. Talaniman suggested that you stay focused on your goal and he is correct. Home sickness and missing your family and child are normal human emotions. How long you have been away from them is unclear. But you set out to better yourself and to support your child better once you have your degree and are able to make a better income. You are doing a very noble thing and I am sure it was a very hard decission for you to make.

Your husband in my opinion from what you are telling us isn't being very supportive....is he? When you decided to further your education how did he respond to that?