[Miss Sparkle]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this issue and I guess I just want a few opinions.
I have struggled with my sexuality since aged 9 and I'm now nearly 20. I have found myself sexually attracted to both men and women but I have only had relationships and sexual encounters with men, although not out of my own choice! I have never been in a situation where I could have a sexual encouter with a woman, I would liked to have though.

Growing up I kept my feelings hidden and telling myself that I was confusing these feelings with admiration of these girls. The feelings never went away but were always at the back of my mind. And growing up going through puberty isn't easy and was made harder by me having these feelings, not one time did I dare discuss it with a friend or family member.

Being lesbian or gay means you are sexually and romantically attracted to people of the same sex and being bisexual, you like both men and women. But countless people have said that you can't be a bisexual female if you have never had a relationship or sexual encounter with a woman. I think you can, a woman does not need to have had a sexual encounter or even kissed a man to be able to say she is straight, so why does a woman have to have had an encounter with a woman before she can say she is bisexual?

Any thoughts?

[xoxaprilwine]

Well I am straight but I have a lot of friends that claim their bi-sexual (some for the attention I am sure). No, I don't think you have to be with another woman to be able to determine what your interests are. It is normal for a female to be attracted to other females as I am but it's not sexual at all. If you are feeling sexual about it then chances are, yes you are bi-sexual. But, the turning point would be this, have you been with a female? No, so how do you know? Once you do explore that area a bit you might find that you are bi and/or that it wasn't exactly what you thought it was all played out to be and are not interested anymore. Thinking about it and actually in the act are two different concepts. Good luck.

[N0help4u]

I don't think that finding members of the same sex attractive is being bi-sexual.
IF you have romantic fantasies or actually can see yourself hugging and kissing them in a sexual context then yes you very well may be bi-sexual. If you really can see yourself going that far with the same sex then you very well could be wheether you have or haven't actually done it.
If you can not entertain the idea of fondling the same sex or going further than a casual 'hey how you been?' hug/quick kiss then NO you would not be bi.

[envye]

I think people mix up being bi and being straight too often. It's natural to find members of the same sex attractive.

But things that people don't take into account is that being bi, gay, and straight all have meanings other than sex. A straight women looks to men for sex but also for romantic involvement and relationships. A lesbian woman would look to women for sex, but also for romantic involvement. A bisexual woman would look to both genders for both sex and romance. Orientation isn't based solely on sex drive. Many straight women have sexual encounters with other straight women, but the difference is that one of those women would never see themselves marrying the woman they had sex with.

So if you can see yourself not only being sexually attracted to a woman, but being in a romantic relationship with a woman, than yes, you are most likely bisexual.

[KISS]

I was taught in class that people are basically in a continuum of sexuality from essentially same sex - bi - oppposite sex. So, you could have degrees of male/female preferences. We were also taught that experimentation typically occurs around puberty where you tend to sort things out.

What you proposed is a tough question. Your probably best labeled as "bi-curious" until you have a bi-sexual experience.

[kp2171]

...But countless people have said that you can't be a bisexual female if you have never had a relationship or sexual encounter with a woman. I think you can, a woman does not need to have had a sexual encounter or even kissed a man to be able to say she is straight, so why does a woman have to have had an encounter with a woman before she can say she is bisexual?

Any thoughts?

I think you should listen to yourself and not the talking heads that like to make noise.

What? Is this a "merit badge"?? You kiss a girl and suddenly *poof* you get to be a lesbian or bi?

Don't worry about labels. One size does not fit all.

You seem to be curious, at least. Mkay.

Who cares about what you are called?

I was friends with a girl I believe was long term interested in men, but short term interested in pleasure, however it happened. She could have been labeled bi, lez, straght, etc.. I don't care about the label. Her name was shannon. Call her whatever you want.

I don't think the measure of a person is what they have experienced. I don't think its fair to label a person only by what they have accomplished. Or desired.

So... why do we care who calls someone else anything? What does it matter?

[Choux]

Virgins are considered heterosexual, by default. :D

In my opinion, an individual states their sexual preference after sexual experiences with the opposite sex, and then with the same sex-if they want that experience. Some small percentage of a population know they are homosexual from the beginning and don't want sex with the opposite sex.

Many women have sexual fantasies about sex with other women... however, when in a situation WITHOUT ALCOHOL they find that they aren't really interested in the physical aspect!

In fact, any sex participated in with more than a beer or half a glass of wine doesn't count, in my opinion. Sex when high on anything doesn't count as real sex.

[hannah_nicole]

Heterosexuals are labelled as this before having any encounters with the opposite sex so no I don't think you need to have done anything at all with another female to be bi or lez. If you are attracted to both men and women physically, mentally and emotionally, and can picture yourself in love with a woman you probably are bisexual.

[smoothy]

I'd say yes... otherwise you are just bi-curious.

[N0help4u]

I was always told by 98% of the gays I know that they always felt there was something different about their sexuality from when they were toddlers age. They say no real gay wakes up one day and decides they are bi curious or gay that it is something like a drive you are born with. You figure that IS what they say when preachers say God can not create somebody as gay so they are not born that way.
I do believe that, that most gays know deep in their soul they are different and they are gay before they have sexual relations. The test I believe is when somebody looks at a same sex do they just find them appealing in an attraction or could they actually see them sexually WITH the same sex. After all if the desire isn't there in the first place to actually commit the act then they wouldn't even seriously consider doing it so they most likely are bi or gay if they have actual sexual desires and can see themselves doing it.

[smoothy]

I'd say there are far more people that THINK they could see themselves with someone of the same sex than arepeople who could actually go through with it and like it.

[hellokittykat]

I am nineteen and I think I know what your going threw.
I never thought about my sexuality until one day a girl walked threw the door at work and I feel head over heals in love with her.
We kissed and I knew I wasn't straight. Since then I've been with both men and women, but I find it harder to be with men as I am less attaracted to them. Don't lable yourself. If you find a women and develop feelings for them, just go with it. It's okay to be scared and confused about it, as it's 'not normal', my motto is 'i don't care about age, sex or religion, if I love you, I love you.'

[neverme]

If you have to ask the question then you don't know if you are or not. I have been seiously involved with both men and women, I'm a woman by the way! and I still don't know what to call myself to be honest, lol! If I were you id get out there and try women. I've found the gay scene to be somewhat intimidating at the start but actually quite receptive to new people when you get down to it. Anyway.. dunno if this helps, hope so! :)

[cadillac59]

Wow, in reading these responses it's obvious to me how different female sexuality is from male sexuality. It's really like trying to read a different but closely related foreign language- you can sort of make out some of it but most is a blur. Whether bisexuality in women exists is a mystery to me. As you know, however, in my opinion, it simply does not exist in men. That I am sure of.

As far as knowing you are gay from an early age, I can say as a man that was my experience. I hated sports and any kind of rough and tumble game the other boys played (baseball scared me to death as a kid because I was always afraid the ball was going to him me in the face but nonetheless I love the gym today and am very athletic). I knew I was different than the other boys and it made me uncomfortable. I was teased and called a fairy, and a fag all the usual stuff. In jr. high school I had crushes on some of the other boys my age and the same in high school. I use to look at Playboy magazines when I was say 16 and I tried to tell myself I liked what I saw but nothing happened. No interest at all. But, if I was driving down the street and saw a cute guy walking along with his shirt off something would hit me like a brick wall. My heart would skip a beat and I wouldn't be able to stop looking, then I think about what I saw for a week.

So, did I know I was gay early on? Yeah, I certainly had some clues!

[neverme]

Wow, in reading these responses it's obvious to me how different female sexuality is from male sexuality. It's really like trying to read a different but closely related foreign language- you can sort of make out some of it but most is a blur. Whether bisexuality in women exists is a mystery to me. As you know, however, in my opinion, it simply does not exist in men. That I am sure of.

As far as knowing you are gay from an early age, I can say as a man that was my experience. I hated sports and any kind of rough and tumble game the other boys played (baseball scared me to death as a kid because I was always afraid the ball was going to him me in the face but nonetheless I love the gym today and am very athletic). I knew I was different than the other boys and it made me uncomfortable. I was teased and called a fairy, and a fag all the usual stuff. In jr. high school I had crushes on some of the other boys my age and the same in high school. I use to look at Playboy magazines when I was say 16 and I tried to tell myself I liked what I saw but nothing happened. No interest at all. But, if I was driving down the street and saw a cute guy walking along with his shirt off something would hit me like a brick wall. My heart would skip a beat and I wouldn't be able to stop looking, then I think about what I saw for a week.

So, did I know I was gay early on? Yeah, I certainly had some clues!

You but not everyone has this luxury, by the way I have a very good male friend that IS bi, I think bisexuality isn't necessarily a 50/50 male/female attraction. You may lean one way or another, and that may change throughout your life, I think its more about being able to engage in a sexual and romantic REAL relationship with either a man OR a woman.. and being comfortable with it.

[Xrayman]

Of course you can be bisexual without having slept with a woman (if you are a woman-in this case) if you are gay as shown by cadillac, you can be gay BEFORE he slept with a man.

You KNOW what sexual orientation you are, it is a matter of not denying it to YOURSELF,

P.S. others don't need to know.

[sxychel695]

I have had the same problem. The only difference is I have been with a woman. Yes I feel you can still be bi-sexual even though you have never been with another woman. Be careful though. For me, it is just really hard now. I honestly believe I am truly lesbian, but am still with a man. Mostly, because I don't like being alone and am in love with my best friend (yes we have been with one another sexually), but she won't leave her husband to be with me.

Just make sure if you experiment on your curiosity that is really what you want.

Have fun :D

[neverme]

I have had the same problem. The only difference is I have been with a woman. Yes I feel you can still be bi-sexual even though you have never been with another woman. Be careful though. For me, it is just really hard now. I honestly believe I am truly lesbian, but am still with a man. Mostly, because I don't like being alone and am in love with my best friend (yes we have been with one another sexually), but she won't leave her husband to be with me.

Just make sure if you experiment on your curiosity that is really what you want.

Have fun :D

Jesus! Lifes not easy for you!!

[EbonieBarbie]

I don't think you have to be with someone of the same sex in order to declare yourself Bi. Only you know your level of attraction to each sex. If in your mind you like both me and women, thne you are Bi. If you are just curious on the othehand, you are just curious. Just know the difference I guess.

[smoothy]

I think until you have slept with both sexes you are only Bi-curious. Once you've done it and liked it then you are a full fledged Bi.