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comedianmeg · Jul 31, 2008, 08:18 AM

I have a friend who weighs over 400Lbs. When she came over the last time she broke my bed from sitting on it. I am having a hard time trying to find a way to tell her that she is to big and needs to sit on a chair instead of my furniture. What would be a polite way to explain this to her? She is very nice and I like her but I can't afford to buy new stuff and she refuses to change anything about her weight she is happy.

twinkiedooter · Jul 31, 2008, 08:31 AM

There is no polite way of telling her she is overweight. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her and find out how she feels about his. She may have hidden behind her weight due to an emotional problem that she is taking out on herself. You need to tell her that a specific chair in your home is hers to use exclusively as you want her friendship and companionship but you can't afford to keep buying furniture. You can also volunteer to be her "diet coach" and help her lose weight.

SweetDee · Jul 31, 2008, 04:02 PM

Hi there. Twinkiedooter, (love that name!) is right. I think that it's NO SECRET that she's big. Telling her that she broke your bed is very very hard, but maybe you don't have to tell her. Just explain that since she's big, and it's not an issue for either her or yourself... maybe she can be so kind as to adopt the idea of having the cheap chair that would cost so much less if she broke it.. and learn to be OK with that. She isn't unintelligent... she might know that she's breaking your stuff. If she doesn't, thought... maybe if you need to you can tell her that she broke your bed, (even tho' you don't expect her to pay for it and you still love her to death... you're just not make of money or having that awesome fantasy money tree in your yard... ) and she'll need to understand that she can now be a PROUD OWNER of a chair in YOUR home, if that's OK. How many people actually have their OWN CHAIR in someone else's house? As silly as I sound... I hope that I have helped out in some way. I, too have a friend that is very very big... and she breaks my things all the time. She would be devastated if I told her that she breaks my things, but... She IS NOT comfortable w/ her weight issue. So for her it would be an awful awakening. I can't be honest w/ her. She would hurt as hell! If she ever gets to the point that she's 400 pounds then I know I would absolutely MAKE SURE to tell her that she's breaking my things... and that her health is on the top of my worry list. Good luck. Please let us know what happens.. xo

Fr_Chuck · Jul 31, 2008, 04:10 PM

You know I think breaking a bed down should tell them a lot.

But then of course a bed should not break from just 400 lbs either.

progunr · Jul 31, 2008, 04:14 PM

There really is no good way to tell her this.

How about:

You know how much I value your friendship. I know that you are happy with yourself, and if you are happy, I am happy as well. Unfortunately though, some of my furniture is not as happy about your weight as we are. I don't always have the money to buy the very best built stuff, sometimes I have to get by with items that are rather cheaply built and I just want to find a way to limit the damage to these inferior products that I might have.

At least this hints to the fact that it might not really be ALL her fault and shares some of the blame on the "cheap" manufactured stuff.

simoneaugie · Jul 31, 2008, 04:31 PM

A large and wonderful friend of mine leaned back in a chair and it broke. She was horribly embarrassed. I suggested a "retail therapy" spree. We found a chair together that was perfect for her. We shared the expense and it became her chair in my house.

kittycatMandy · Aug 17, 2008, 06:13 PM

How old is she? And how tall do you think she is?

erin7799 · Aug 17, 2008, 08:14 PM

Oh my goodness! I had the same thing happen to me. A girlfriend of mine came to visit me and she sat on the corner of the bed and it fell! She just plopped right down! After her embarrassment she got up and sat on my rocking chair and guess what? She was on the floor! As I was trying to fix the bed that she just broke! Now I am sure that your friend knows of her problem. She may just choose to try to ignore it. It's easier to not work at losing the weight than it is to do something about it. Even though I am sure she gets glares and comments because people can't seem to mind their own business. And how embarrassed was she that she broke your bed? They know. And it's such a tough situation because you don't want to hurt her, yet how do you say something w/out doing so? I agree that you can just let her know.. " Hey I love you and I'm concerned...." Then go from there. Good Luck! I've been there!

flinstone · Nov 22, 2009, 09:58 AM

Men, telling her is not the hard part... just depends on how you tell her. If I want to tell someone sth horrible, I just bring it up as a joke, then emphasize the message till it hits home, while we're still laughing. Ask her what she wants to do? Does she want to pay for the bed, does she want to give you hers, does she want your help in losing weight too, does she want to be meeting at her place instead? I find it easier to work from there.