[JudyKayTee]

I'm sorry this is dragging on so long. You must feel tortured!! You've been really brave through all this so just hang on a little longer. You've made it this far, you're almost there. :)

The amazing part of this - to me - is that "Z" came here for info and insight, read and digested and actually located her possible father... and followed through. I wasn't sure she even HAD a case here and she was absolutely tenacious, took the power into her hands and ran with it. Stood up for what she thought was right. And her mother stood right next to her the whole time.

Takes a lot of guts.

[zawatska]

OMG!! Test results just came in, I left work to check my mail because I had a strange gut feeling... they were there!!

He is 99.99% my father!! Ahhhhhhh Judy!!

I sent my DAD an email... we will see if he even responds! (doubt it) I finally have closure, and that is all I ask or really wanted... Now should I get child support or no?

[JudyKayTee]

OMG!!!!!! Test results just came in, I left work to check my mail because I had a strange gut feeling.... they were there!!!

He is 99.99% my father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh Judy!!!

I sent my DAD an email ....we will see if he even responds!! (doubt it) I finally have closure, and that is all I ask or really wanted....Now should I get child support or no?

Oh, my - and now he can eat his words.

Now you can go to Court and file for child support - talk to the Court Clerk, see if it's worth it, what the policy is because I'm not 100% sure. You're so close to 21 -

Well, all else aside - you found out what you wanted to know! You've won the first round and now it's up to you how to proceed.

Let me digest this but I'm happy for you - it's been a long road and you've persisted.

Way to go "Z"!

(Your experience will also be very helpful to other people facing the same situation and posting here.)

[zawatska]

Well from what my grandma has told me... she retired from fam court... she said they will go back to July when I petitioned for the paternity test, up until April when I turn 21... OR she has seen some judges go back a whole 20 years... weird.

And I hope others get some help out of my posts. :)

[JudyKayTee]

Well from what my grandma has told me...she retired from fam court...she said they will go back to july when i petitioned for the paternity test, up until april when i turn 21... OR she has seen some judges go back a whole 20 years.....weird.

and i hope others get some help out of my posts. :)

People have posted both scenarios - back for 20 years, back to the date of filing. I'm curious to find out because other people have asked.

Shouldn't you be out somewhere, celebrating?

[jjwoodhull]

Hi Z - congratulations! I am in complete awe of your strenghth. If he doesn't want to be part of your life, then he is a fool. Anyone with sense would be proud to have you as a daughter. Definitely go after whatever child support you can get. Your mom has gone it alone for long enough.

[zawatska]

Judy I don't drink because I'm not 21 yet.. or do drugs so celebrating is out of the question... when I turn 21 I will celebrate for this, and every other holiday that has passed haha. Me, my mom and my dad are going to go to every bar in town and have one drink... there is at least 100 bars in my town... we will see how far we make it. Lmao ;)

[JudyKayTee]

Judy I don't drink because im not 21 yet..., or do drugs so celebrating is out of the question... when I turn 21 I will celebrate for this, and every other holiday that has passed haha. me, my mom and my dad are going to go to every bar in town and have one drink....there is at least 100 bars in my town...we will see how far we make it. lmao ;)

With this news I think I'd celebrate right now with Diet Pepsi (my particular "addiction") and a bag of chips!

[zawatska]

Haha that'll do. :) thanks for evvverything everyone...

Especially you Judy 1. xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoooo

[JudyKayTee]

haha that'll do. :) thanks for evvverything everyone...

especially you Judy 1. xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoooo

Back at you - <group hug> - I just may show up for your birthday celebration! :D

It's everyone working together here, not just one person, but I appreciate the thanks.

[zawatska]

April 21st. Lets make plans. Where are u again? Nyc?

[JudyKayTee]

april 21st. lets make plans. where are u again? nyc?

Answered by PM -

[Clough]

OMG!!!!!! Test results just came in, I left work to check my mail because I had a strange gut feeling.... they were there!!!

He is 99.99% my father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh Judy!!!

I sent my DAD an email ....we will see if he even responds!! (doubt it) I finally have closure, and that is all I ask or really wanted....Now should I get child support or no?

That's awesome! Thanks for letting us know! :)

[zawatska]

Well it's iffy... im happy I have closure finally, and I know the truth, but then again I'm pee-d off because he won't talk to me... like I did something wrong! I guess he still acts how he used to... you can't teach old dogs new tricks I guess... :-/

[JudyKayTee]

Well it's iffy...im happy i have closure finally, and i know the truth, but then again im pee-d off because he won't talk to me... like I did something wrong!! I guess he still acts how he used to....you can't teach old dogs new tricks I guess...:-/

Sometimes when people can't face up to what happened or what they've done they use anger as a shield - "It's not me, it's you."

Also, anger is an easier emotion than sadness or grief and your father would have to feel some guilt and loss because he wasn't there for you and I would guess he can't handle those emotions.

And then add that maybe he never mentioned you to his wife (although he knew there was a very good possibility he was your father) and suddenly - surprise!

I think he is incapable, for whatever reason, of holding himself responsible so it's all your fault. (I guess he's one of those people who has to blame somebody, even if the blame is not rational.)

I hope you keep coming back and posting - when people who are 14 or 15 post, looking for a parent, positive there will be a happy ending, your experience will be helpful to them, not to discourage them but to say, "Hey, it might not all be wonderful when you find your parent."

[zawatska]

Very true... Rob has 3 other kids too... He is really involved with his sons schooling, and geez he's even his sons football coach... so now I have a step daughter who is 3, and a half brother who's like 12... he has another one, but its not his, it's his wife's from another relationship. I just wish we could talk! And I have no doubt that he didn't tell his wife about any of this... she knows now! She's the type of beeeeeeotch who says "I dont believe it" lets take another test... there is only .05 % that he's NOT my father... he can't fight that one in court... court is on Monday... lets see how that goes... the judge is going to ask me if I am seeking support... my answer is going to be heck yes... im pretty bitter. :) have a happy thanksgiving everyone!!

Ps-judy, I got your pm, thanks for sharing that with me... u better come from syracuse to party for my birthday!! ;-)

[JudyKayTee]

Very true... Rob has 3 other kids too...He is really involved with his sons schooling, and geez hes even his sons football coach... so now I have a step daughter who is 3, and a half brother who's like 12....he has another one, but its not his, it's his wifes from another relationship. I just wish we could talk! And I have no doubt that he didn't tell his wife about any of this...she knows now! Shes the type of beeeeeeotch who says "I dont believe it" lets take another test... there is only .05 % that hes NOT my father...he can't fight that one in court....court is on monday...lets see how that goes...the judge is going to ask me if i am seeking support....my answer is going to be heck yes....im pretty bitter. :) have a happy thanksgiving everyone!!!

ps-judy, i got ur pm, thanks for sharing that with me... u better come from syracuse to party for my birthday!!! ;-)

This is me smiling - you're too much. It's a long drive but I bet I can make it! Your father has NO idea what he's missing!

[zawatska]

Ok, so here's an update... I feel like a complete nut case today. I need to be committed I swear I do! ;-)

I'm stuck. I don't know whether child support is the right route to go... he still hasn't answered the 2 emails I sent him... one with the court papers saying he IS indeed my father (because he didn't receive his copies yet and I was anxious to hear what he had on his mind about it), and the other email asking him why he hasn't emailed me back, and how he feels... he is obv. Ignoring me... real mature right? Its getting to the point where I feel like I'm nagging him... :-/

I am definitely in court on Monday going to tell the judge I want his financial affidavit, and his medical history... medical is important... financial not so much but I want his because he has mine and my moms, but family court gave me a hard time at first to get his because he "is only your assumed father"...

I'm just stuck because I feel like whatever way I go re child support, we will have no relationship... so I just might as well get it to spite him? You know because my mom did raise me for over 20 years... Help me guys! J_9, Judy, Fr_Chuck

[zawatska]

Okay, I had court today... the outcome is $25/week temporary support... rob is taking me to trial on jan 28th 2009 to establish whether I was emancipated... which I wasn't. I moved out of my mothers house after an argument, and moved in with my grandmother who retired from family court... if she has to, she will show up in court and vouch that that's true... My mom or I NEVER signed anything that said I'm emancipated, or she's not responsible for me anymore or anything! He will lose this one, and I will get greedy and ask for more money. And I finally got his financial affidavit... his house has a worth of $$190,000

And get this.. I told the judge I am only asking for the minimum order of support whatever that was, and the judge said $25/MONTH and Rob said "yeah I can do that, thats more than fair!" haha you've got to be kidding..
Oh well, 25/week is better than nothing, although he got out of 20 years of bills... I also get medical insurance if its available through his work, which I'm sure it is...

[JudyKayTee]

Okay, I had court today...the outcome is $25/week temporary support...rob is taking me to trial on jan 28th 2009 to establish whether or not I was emancipated...which I wasn't. I moved out of my mothers house after an argument, and moved in with my grandmother who retired from family court...if she has to, she will show up in court and vouch that that's true...My mom or I NEVER signed anything that said I'm emancipated, or shes not responsible for me anymore or anything! He will lose this one, and I will get greedy and ask for more money. And I finally got his financial affidavit...his house has a worth of $$190,000

and get this.. I told the judge I am only asking for the minimum order of support whatever that was, and the judge said $25/MONTH and Rob said "yeah I can do that, thats more than fair!" haha you've got to be kidding..
oh well, 25/week is better than nothing, although he got out of 20 years of bills...I also get medical insurance if its available through his work, which im sure it is...

Well, and like any other Court proceeding you tell your side, he tells his and the Judge decides what's fair/equitable and so forth.

I have NO idea how he is going to prove long distance that you are/were emancipated - and he has to prove it, not just come up with theories.

I'm torn about what you should ask for - I don't think child support is a means of exacting revenge BUT he always knew you were out there, somewhere, and did nothing, started another life and so forth. The other side of it is your mother never pursued him - for reasons I understand.

I'm honestly torn here - I would like to see him acknowledge you, get to know you, all of that stuff but I don't think that's going to happen, at least not now. He behaved badly for a number of years and I'm sure he knows it. Maybe that's why he's throwing up road blocks.

Honestly - I'm torn.