[Ashriel]

Hi:

I met a guy online, he lives about 5 hours away from me. We have become very close talking on the phone nearly every day. I have stressed to him how much I would like to meet, and seeing as we live within driving distance, I'm a bit sad that it's been nearly 4 months and we haven't met. He is kind of hesitant and comes up with excuses every time I want to meet. I feel very close to him, but the lack of physical connection in our relationship really started to wear on me.
So, I have hooked up randomly with two guys in the past month, just making out and oral, in order to satisfy my real desire to be physical with someone.
I'm wondering, is this wrong? Me and this long-distance guy aren't officially together, but we're very very emotionally close. I honestly don't know whether to feel guilty or not. :confused:
Each time I hooked up with a random guy, it was really enjoyable, but I never got to orgasm, I think because I didn't feel close to them.
I know when I think about my guy pal who's 5 hours away hooking up with someone random, I feel a bit sad, but also very understanding because it's so very hard being away from someone you care about... especially never meeting or being able to hold each other once.
I don't know, any advice?

[Choux]

Girl, you are way too desperate about latching onto a man... You have to get your head on straight and build your self-confidence in many other areas of your life. You are on a very bad path with what you described.

For one, I don't believe you for a second that you really like giving strange men fellatio. You have to get real with yourself. You are young and on your way to becoming a prostitute, in my opinion.

I know deep down, you are a young lady who wants to share love, but you just don't know how to form positive relationships. There are ways to have someone nice(therapist) help you learn better ways to relate. :)

Stop selling yourself short and turn your life around. You can do it if you try. :)

[zawatska]

For one, I don't belive you for a second that you really like giving strange men fellatio. You have to get real with yourself. You are young and on your way to becoming a prostitute, in my opinion.

I don't think at all that she's on her way to become a prostitute lol. I don't think you've done anything wrong, and you should not feel guilty. For all you know he could look, and act like someone completely different than the guy he claims to be. You have the right to hang out, hook up, or date other men. Like u said, you guys are not together officially. Party on. And Choux, some girls do enjoy hooking up with what you call strange men

[Choux]

What makes this board so interesting is that people*HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS*.

Keep your eye on answering the questioner, not criticizing me. :)

[talaniman]

How long will you hold out hope to meet this guy?? Until you do, live your own life.

[Xrayman]

Party on. And Choux, some girls do enjoy hooking up with what you call strange men

Yea there is a name we give to those sorts of ladies... Sex-Murder victims.

BE VERY CAREFUL!!

[kp2171]

while I really think its an extreme risk short term, and long term, mentally and physically to randomly hook up with sexual partners... I also think there's a "special" line being crossed here.

if all were happy in your life, you wouldn't be choosing this, right? So you are acting out to compensate for the failures of a relationship... were it drugs, wed say stop. If it were legal alcohol you were binging, wed say bad move.

but this isn't just an adult choosing a lifestyle that others might deem inappropriate... she's having oral sex with random men to fill an emotional void.

she should be focusing on the emotional void.

why stay in this "relationship"... why put energy into a "great guy" who isn't with you?

and why in the world should you subject your body and mind to the very real dangers of random hookups if you wouldn't choose this for yourself if all else were great?

again... what a person does in their bedroom within legal lines is their business... but there's no denying "party on" increases your exposure to STD's and pregnancy.

if you choose that.. OK... own that choice. Just don't blame the guy who isn't there, isn't yours, and isn't coming to see you. You get to choose who gives you attention and who you give your attention to.

if random-guy-sex isn't getting you off, it's a pretty clear sign you aren't mentally in the moment and are not primed for orgasm. Problems in the bedroom often are caused by problems outside the bedroom.

so... you've had random guy sex and you haven't found it fulfilling. "party on" isn't doing it for you.

what's your next move?

[Ashriel]

Girl, you are way too desperate about latching onto a man.....You have to get your head on straight and build your self-confidence in many other areas of your life. You are on a very bad path with what you described.

For one, I don't belive you for a second that you really like giving strange men fellatio. You have to get real with yourself. You are young and on your way to becoming a prostitute, in my opinion.

I know deep down, you are a young lady who wants to share love, but you just don't know how to form positive relationships. There are ways to have someone nice(therapist) help you learn better ways to relate. :)

Stop selling yourself short and turn your life around. You can do it if you try. :)

Thanks for the honesty, I never thought about it this way. To me, it was all just fun and trying to be physically close to someone.

I have to correct you, I actually do enjoy making out with/giving oral to/recieving oral with "strange men", these are things I've never ever done before and I'm 20 years old. So I decided to go out and get what I wanted. Lol. I mean, if I really think about it, I can see how I just do it for the feeling of closeness/intimacy. Which is not OK.

I do want to share love, and I honestly think I know how to form a positive relationship. The only issue here is, the guy I want to form a relationship with is five hours away. So I find myself seeking out physical relief. Which is NOT smart under any circumstance, I understand the safety issue here... I should not be hooking up with random guys.
I think perhaps I'm just too impatient and lustful. Lol. I need to sit back and wait for a guy I really care about who's going to care about me.

Thanks Choux for your honest reply, It's got me thinking about how desperate I really have been and how I need to treat myself with more respect. I think I am just looking for intimacy in the absolute wrong place. Thanks!

[Ashriel]

I don't think at all that shes on her way to become a prostitute lol. I don't think you've done anything wrong, and you should not feel guilty. For all you know he could look, and act like someone completely different than the guy he claims to be. You have the right to hang out, hook up, or date other men. Like u said, you guys are not together officially. Party on. And Choux, some girls do enjoy hooking up with what you call strange men

Thanks zawa :-)
I am just having fun, but I think I'm doing it from a place of wanting intimacy/feelings of love. Not cool.
But yeah... as for on my way to becoming a prostitute... I realllly don't think so. Lol.
But I really appreciate someone telling me it's OK to have a little fun. Thanks!

[Ashriel]

while i really think its an extreme risk short term, and long term, mentally and physically to randomly hook up with sexual partners... i think theres a special line being crossed here.

if all were happy in your life, you wouldnt be choosing this, right? so you are acting out to compensate for the failures of a relationship... were it drugs, wed say stop. if it were legal alcohol you were binging, wed say bad move.

but this isnt just an adult choosing a lifestyle that others might deem inappropriate... shes having oral sex with random men to fill an emotional void.

she should be focusing on the emotional void.

why stay in this "relationship"... why put energy into a "great guy" who isnt with you?

and why in the world should you subject your body and mind to the very real dangers of random hookups if you wouldnt choose this for yourself if all else were great?

again... what a person does in their bedroom within legal lines is their business... but theres no denying "party on" increases your exposure to STD's and pregnancy.

if you choose that.. ok... own that choice. just dont blame the guy who isnt there, isnt yours, and isnt coming to see you. you get to choose who gives you attention and who you give your attention to.

if random-guy-sex isnt getting you off, its a pretty clear sign you arent mentally in the moment and are not primed for orgasm. problems in the bedroom often are caused by problems outside the bedroom.

so... youve had random guy sex and you havent found it fulfilling. "party on" isnt doing it for you.

whats your next move?

True true true.
Thanks kp2171.
I am acting out. It's not OK. And it's time for me to focus on being healthy and loving myself. I can't blame my long distance guy for anything, and I can't with a clear conscious continue messing around with strangers to fulfill intimacy desires.
Thankfully I've only hooked up with two guys randomly. I can start to move on and heal a bit from this very out of character "party".
Thanks so very much for your advice.

I don't think all of you can realize how much you've helped open my eyes!

Thank you all!

[smoothy]

#1 stop being a booty call for random guys. If for only what you can catch if not the baby thing.

#2 the internet guy is probibly married and has kids... thats why he is dreaming up excuses.

#3 Take your time and find someone local you like. Someone you can reach out and touch without a major road trip.


Follow those three rules and you will have less heartache.

[mafiaangel180]

Since you and your online friend aren't official, you can do as you please. However, I would totally advise against blowing random guys. It's not healthy, you can get AIDS that way. Just work at yourself, hang with your friends, get your validation elsewhere. :)

[kp2171]

....you can get AIDS that way...

Or chlamydia, or syphilis, or gonorrhea, or herpes, or hepatitis, or HPV...

[N0help4u]

While it is not the road to being a prostitute necessarily it is becoming a slut and as Choux was saying looking to men to fulfill yourself worth. You do need to get your life together and not worry about chasing guys for satisfying you. In the end if you haven't been with these guys for the right motives you could end up feeling emptier.
As far as the internet guy, he is not your boyfriend so you are not cheating on him or anything.
Who knows he might be married or have a girlfriend and not letting you know that so how can you feel obligated to him? I use to talk to a lot of guys on the internet for awhile but it is a dead end because either they are just looking for sex or they don't want to meet you.

You need to get priorities straight and find somebody that wants a long term relationship with you.

[KissMe10der]

Your only looking to get hurt by being with random guys. Technically, that's not being close to someone. That's just Sex/Oral Sex.. Whatever. Find a nice guy who you care about and I guarantee that you will feel A lot closer then with these random guys.

Seems odd that he doesn't want to meet. He might be hiding something, or he could be scared of you and something you could be hiding. Its best to talk about it.

FIGURE out what you and he are before you continue the whole random guy thing. MAYBE he thinks you are together, have you told him what you do in your spare time?
I believe that when you meet someone whether its on the internet or not. YOU need to be respectful. That person does have feelings.

I met my BF off an internet game, we talked for about a month or so before we decide we talked so much and are feelings had gotten bigger for each other to be just friends. He never asked me out.. It was like an Oh! We are together! After another month of talking all night and any chance we could get during the day, he came to visit me. Yes I was scared, of what could go wrong. But I had to take a chance in meeting a man I can talk for hours with, we hit it off. Now Im living with him!

Anyway, Just figure out what's going on between you and him. YOU don't feel emotionally close if it doesn't mean anything.

And have some self respect for yourself.

[Choux]

Thanks for your feedback, ash, I really appreciated it. :)

I would really like to see you be able to form a positive relationship with a guy who lives in your town... a real relationship with real "shared feelings".

After reading your feedback to all the experts, I know you have the ability to be in a relationship... you can do it. :):)

Very best wishes,

[ahkelteke]

Hi:

I met a guy online, he lives about 5 hours away from me. We have become very close talking on the phone nearly every day. I have stressed to him how much I would like to meet, and seeing as we live within driving distance, I'm a bit sad that it's been nearly 4 months and we haven't met. He is kind of hesitant and comes up with excuses every time I want to meet. I feel very close to him, but the lack of physical connection in our relationship really started to wear on me.
So, I have hooked up randomly with two guys in the past month, just making out and oral, in order to satisfy my real desire to be physical with someone.
I'm wondering, is this wrong? Me and this long-distance guy aren't officially together, but we're very very emotionally close. I honestly don't know whether to feel guilty or not. :confused:
Each time I hooked up with a random guy, it was really enjoyable, but I never got to orgasm, I think because I didn't feel close to them.
I know when I think about my guy pal who's 5 hours away hooking up with someone random, I feel a bit sad, but also very understanding because it's so very hard being away from someone you care about...especially never meeting or being able to hold each other once.
I don't know, any advice?

First let me say that I do not think it is wrong that you are engaging in sexual activities with other men because it sounds as though you are not in a romantic relationship, by normal standards. You have not met this man in person, you have not discussed what your relationship is (i.e. its boundaries and limitations), and he seems disinterested in meeting you in person. I am by no means a love expert, but my greatest concern for you is that you are placing too much stock in your online friend. Perhaps it would be a good idea to look at this online relationship with a critical eye and decide what it truly is. I, myself, have gotten caught up in online trists but in doing so I learned that it is important to look at them realistically. It is impossible to have a real, fulfilling relationship shearly based upon some IM-ing, e-mails, and/or Facebook messages. Is he instead, perhaps, a good friend to you, someone to spice up your social life and provide interesting conversation and valuable insight into your life? I have no way of knowing what you two have talked about and it is true that you are within driving distance, so I may be completely wrong. It just worries me that he has been so hesitant in meeting you. Good luck to you!

[KissMe10der]

I think that's the problem, online relationships aren't taken seriously. They are REAL, there are people behind those computer screens!

The only issue with having a long term online relationship is... It can't ALWAYS stay online.

[smoothy]

I think thats the problem, online relationships arent taken seriously. They are REAL, there are people behind those computer screens!

The only issue with having a long term online relationship is... It can't ALWAYS stay online.

Nope.. I dissagree. They are usually people pretending to be something they aren't. And that's the good ones.

Anyone can pretend... there are no commitments when you pretend. To walk away you just log off, and you come back when you feel like it. Unlike a real relationship where that would never be tollerated.

[KissMe10der]

People are the same way when people meet in person... Anyway, Im proof that not everyone is fake and nor is my boyfriend.