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kirkel · Jul 27, 2008, 05:20 AM

I am really confused... I am really attracted to my boss who is about ten years older than me and widowed. I am 43. You would think I would know better... I am divorced and haven't really dated since. He always smiles and says my name in greeting. When he walks past my desk he looks to see if I am looking at him. While walking towards me once recently down the hallway he had a big smile which I returned and winked at me. Sometimes I have to go to his office to chase up some issue and he always smiles and is nice.. Maybe I'm just creating this in my mind, but I feel a certain vibe when he is around. When talking to him about work, I maintain eye contact reguralry which he also holds and in meetings I feel as though he is talking to me most of the time as he is looking directly at me. Am I imagining it?

Thanks tickle, but perhaps I should explain a little more. I'm not a new employee, however haven't really worked with him before, he worked in a different area of the department and now is my boss. In the hierarchy I have a manager above me and below him, he is the director, but I still liase with him fairly frequently. And I tried your suggestion last week actually and he did seem confused and not in the best of moods, however I was unsure if it was because I was ignoring him or whether it was work. Anyway today I had rather a good conversation with him mostly about work. However he made some jokes at which I found funny. And he seemed more attentive than usual. Although it could be complicated, I am not in any danager of losing my job as I work for the government and can't get fired for fratenising, however I know it isn't wise to have work relationships.

tickle · Jul 27, 2008, 05:47 AM

I don't need to say, I think you know, that office attractions (especially with your boss) are really off limits for a number of reasons. You may be reading more into this then is actually there. He probably is just making a new employee welcome by friendly gestures because he is the boss and has to put h is best foot forward.

Do a test if you want to know. See if he is unhappy if you don't appear friendly, ignore him other then business issues, stay cool. If there is no difference in his demeanor then forget it. If he seems confused by your inattentiveness, then there could be something there, but it is up to you to decide how you are going to handle a situation like this. If anything happens between the two of you, you would definitely have to leave your job.

Good jobs that pay well and give you satisfaction are not that easy to come buy nowadays. Need I say more :)

N0help4u · Jul 27, 2008, 06:15 AM

I would cool it a bit because who knows how long before rumors start to fly.
Then the big 'what if' is you start dating and things don't work out, you break up and your job suffers --if you even have one to go back to.

Choux · Jul 27, 2008, 02:52 PM

Do you know what the office gossip is about him?? That's very helpful in a lot of cases. :D

Anyway, since you are naïve and inexperienced in your own way(that is a quality that *many* find attractive) I have to tell you... it's all about *keeping your job*... just continue being your friendly self and don't consider any kind of more intimate relationship with your boss.

Best wishes :)

Ash123 · Jul 27, 2008, 03:05 PM

Trust me on this: leave it alone.

He may be flirting.
You may be flirting.
But if you continue, you both will be hurting.

This is an iron clad guarantee. I've been there, and have seen it and no one ever wins. Go to a bar, a bowling alley, a library, a park, a bookstore, a coffee shop... But office chemistry - especially with a superior can escalate quickly and unless you can handle: it not working out, being the subject of office gossip, and maybe having to change jobs - then let it go.

If so, keep smiling...

talaniman · Jul 27, 2008, 03:15 PM

Is my boss friendly or is he flirting with me

It doesn't matter as this is your job, and livelihood and that's the way it should be treated. This forum is full of office romance that has gone wrong and created chaos.

Keep your work separate from your social life.

smoothy · Jul 28, 2008, 11:20 AM

Never mess around with ANYONE you work with...

Period, end of story, no stipulations or special circumstances... its something to be avoided at all times.

mafiaangel180 · Jul 28, 2008, 11:34 AM

I think since you like him, you are reading too much into it. It sounds like he is a friendly guy, he actually sounds like a lot of my male coworkers. Besides, would you rather have a friendly coworker or one who scowls all the time?

Andrew916 · Jul 29, 2008, 11:16 AM

Even if he is flirting with you, you should ignore- if you like your job that is. You and he can both get into some serious trouble forthings like this. Just ask yourself if he's really worth it.

Ash123 · Jul 29, 2008, 12:55 PM

I have been in situations like this "in the big city" and it can be incendiary... super hot. Super hard to resist... and the end is... oh man. Not good... but it is tough to ignore. I mean you are seeing someone up to 8 hours a day!

smoothy · Jul 30, 2008, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by Ash123

i have been in situations like this "in the big city" and it can be incendiary.....super hot. super hard to resist....and the end is... oh man. not good...but it is tough to ignore. i mean you are seeing someone up to 8 hours a day!

And exactly why it nearly always gets nasty. Unless an involved party quits they ARE going to get on each others nerves and then there is the rumours...