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talaniman · Apr 10, 2006, 02:14 PM

A lot of times we in this forum get only one point of view so it is hard to just take some of these post as the whole story. As some of you pointed out there are a lot of questions to be answered and until the poster gives us more info its hard to form a reasonable opinion as to how to help someone solve this problem. But the suggestion to the wife to talk to her husband about his female friends is a good idea, but if the two of them don't get together and talk and listen to each other we all know this relationship cannot last.:cool:

Wildcat21 · Apr 10, 2006, 02:49 PM

"Wildcat, so-should a woman be a ***** in order to get what she wants just as a man should be a jerk?"

NO! I never advocate any guy to be a jerk - ever. All I say is a women would RATHER be with a jerk than a 'nice guy'. Guys should strive to be a the 'confident, good guy'.

I don't think she's being a beatch. She has the gut instinct and this guy is playing around - screwing with her emotions.

I have a ton of girls who are friends - but my gal knows everyone of them and has become frineds with most. You have to be up front with someone - especially in a marriage.

This dude sounds really imature.

sweetface · Apr 11, 2006, 07:46 AM

Well it sounds to me like he is cheating. This is just from experience. Those little converstations with "friends" leads to other things, and curiosity is inevitable. I am in a similar situation, the difference is I am not married, and person I am with did actually cheat and admitted to it. He is still holding conversations with this woman, and it pisses me off! So believe me he is seeing this woman

Depressed in MO · Apr 11, 2006, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by sweetface

Well it sounds to me like he is cheating. This is just from experience. Those little converstations with "friends" leads to other things, and curiosity is inevitable. I am in a similar situation, the difference is I am not married, and person I am with did actually cheat and admitted to it. He is still holding conversations with this woman, and it pisses me off!! So believe me he is seeing this woman

Girl, I am totally with you on your situation. My guy is doing the same thing. And there is no limit to how far they will go with you and still continue to have other relationships with these other ladies. It's like they want to lead separate lives... and they do for a while... until they get caught. Then what? Yes, we should leave them, most of the time we don't-so they keep doing it because we let them...

Depressed in MO · Apr 11, 2006, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

"Wildcat, so-should a woman be a ***** in order to get what she wants just as a man should be a jerk?"

NO! I never advocate any guy to be a jerk - ever. All I say is a women would RATHER be with a jerk than a 'nice guy'. Guys should strive to be a the 'confident, good guy'.

I don't think she's being a beatch. She has the gut instinct and this guy is playing around - screwing with her emotions.

I have a ton of girls who are friends - but my gal knows everyone of them and has become frineds with most. You have to be up front with someone - especially in a a marriage.

This dude sounds really imature.

No I am not saying anyone is being a *****, I am saying, should we be? Does that make guys chase women, just like being a jerk makes women chase men?
I don't know I've heard it both ways. I've been broken up with because I was too nice, and then I've also been called a b... what's the real deal?

sweetface · Apr 11, 2006, 08:35 AM

I know staying is only my making my situation worse, but love is often blind. My situation has made me crazy, and I have resorted to me being dishonest about how I found out about his "affair". I really want to work things out, but he is still lying about talking to this woman. He says he is not seeing her, but once again the little conversations lead to other things, especially since this is someone he had sex with.

Wildcat21 · Apr 11, 2006, 08:53 AM

Sorry to say - but they won't stop cheating either. I always say - "Once a cheater, always a cheater" - you

Depressed in MO - no never be a ***** - this isn't a game, although your man thinks it is. Be caucious and learn - you were WAY to trusting in a guy who deserved ZERO trust. He never resepected you. Being Beatch will get you no where. You're problems were because you were with a bad guy - liar, cheater and worse. WHEN you find a good guy you should be able to open up and discuss everything in TRUTH - you will NEVER have that with the guy your with now.

I think you keep trying to THINK you can fix the situation. Unfortunately - you can't FIX that guy - he's broke - you changing will do nothing. You know where he is headed in the long run.

Depressed in MO · Apr 11, 2006, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by sweetface

I know staying is only my making my situation worse, but love is often blind. My situation has made me crazy, and I have resorted to me being dishonest about how I found out about his "affair". I really want to work things out, but he is still lying about talking to this woman. He says he is not seeing her, but once again the little conversations lead to other things, especially since this is someone he had sex with.

Love is blind... that is exactly what I said when I started posting here. The sad thing is... she probably isn't the ONLY other woman he is talking to.

sweetface · Apr 11, 2006, 10:16 AM

You are right, he is probably seeing other people beside the one. Wildcat21 is correct also when stating that once a cheater always a cheater. I guess the old saying "Nice guys finish last" is right. No matter how nice, kind, loving or caring you are for a person, it seems that it goes unapperciated.

talaniman · Apr 11, 2006, 10:20 AM

Just because your nice doesn't mean you can't be SMART!

Depressed in MO · Apr 11, 2006, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by sweetface

You are right, he is probably seeing other people beside the one. Wildcat21 is correct also when stating that once a cheater always a cheater. I guess the old saying "Nice guys finish last" is right. No matter how nice, kind, loving or caring you are for a person, it seems that it goes unapperciated.

You are so very right. WildCat is a good helper. He has given me a lot of good advice; however I've yet to take it. But I know he is right.
It's hard to leave the person you have invested your time and heart into for so long. I see it as another hard lesson in life that we are learning and although God may already know our destiny, we are still creating it.
Anyway, don't mean to get religious on you. If you ever want to talk, you know how to find me. Good luck and I send you big hugs on your broken heart.

Wildcat21 · Apr 11, 2006, 03:34 PM

Being TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice is the problem - Letting someone walk all over you. Being tooooooo available is the problem as well.

Being nice is OK. You should always be kind.

A lot of people NEED to learn to say the word NO. No comands respect. A lot of people think they CAN'T say No.

NOT having a spine can KILLL a relationship... people have to learn to stand up for themselves... not to give in because your scared a you will upset your partner.

As I always say - don't make that person your whole life. Always have other interests.

WHEN you find the RIGHT person you can share everything, they WILL understand you need to be with your frineds sometimes... you have to work late sometimes... you need too work... you need to travel. WHEN you are with the right person you understand each other - you want to be with each other all the time - you want to talk and shre things.

Again - you have to kiss a lot of frogs - you may have married a frog.

Bevjcope · Apr 11, 2006, 07:35 PM

You are the only one that can decide if you should leave or stay. If you stated everything you know then at this point I feel that you do not have the absolute proof of cheating as yet. But, yes he should not be talking to women behind your back unless he feels there is a reason that you would not be understanding of why he is chating with them. If these are new friends then it is suspicious, but still not proof to end a marriage.

shorty28 · Apr 18, 2007, 09:39 PM

U know he's doing it and he probably wants u 2 catch him so you can leave him maybe he does not want to be with you or maybe he does not want one piece of pie he wants it all hey there are other fishes in the sea catch yourself a better one.

jeremy4719 · Apr 18, 2007, 09:47 PM

I personally think you are paranoid... I did this to someone I was with for a few years and ruined our relationship... If you want trust then trust him... Don't snoop on his phone...

Reasons a man would cheat (coming from a man):

1.) Sex life has gone to seldom to non-existant (whats putty-tat?)
2.) Communication (you take him for granted)
3.) You complain and nag too much.

shorty28 · Apr 18, 2007, 09:48 PM

I think that a woman and man think a like cause if a woman has a guy fri3nd what would her man be thinking or if her man had a girl-fri3nd what would she be thinking so is not only the girl's that think that way so u guy's are not that PERFECT EITHER lol