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kirope · Jul 24, 2008, 10:57 PM

For the last year our sex life sucks, we have been together for about 3 1/2 yrs and it was fine then but now we do it but like one's a month and I don't know what to do anymore, I have try everything, from sexy clouse to being naked but it just don't work. I already check on him being with another female but he is not so I'm out of clues already.

Synnen · Jul 25, 2008, 04:51 AM

Have you TALKED to him about it?

Choux · Jul 25, 2008, 11:30 AM

Does he watch porn?

smoothy · Jul 25, 2008, 01:03 PM

Try talking with him... 2-3 years is when you will have the most conflict as you are settling into your routines and each asserting yourself... stick with it and it will get better but don't ever break the comunication rule...

Don't think I'm married and this is how its going to be or expect issues as well as if he took the same tact.

Every normal guy that has testosterone watches porn... or he likely has performance issues. I have to disagree with those who have issues with porn just for the sake of having issues with it, even if I agree with them in many other areas.

However once a month is extreme... I'll lay odds he is bothered by something, and it might be something you are not aware of. Try talking to him or if that fails to get results try to get some counseling. Something likely is bothering and the cause needs addressed. It can be anything from work related stress, to physical issues to just being ticked about something you have been doing.

But do it before resentment sets in or the problem has a chance to become deeply ingrained.

Synnen · Jul 27, 2008, 09:51 AM

/sigh

I'm so SICK of the "does he watch porn" question in regards to waning male sexual interest. "Is he healthy" is a much better first question, if you ask me.

It has gotten to the point where I want to ask the question "Does she read romance novels?" to every GUY that posts that his female partner is no longer as interested in sex.

Please--let's stop calling everyone who ever watches a smidgen of porn an addict. There are plenty of other reasons out there for a guy to lose interest in sex.

white-rose · Jul 27, 2008, 10:10 AM

This is the point in a relationship where you realize sex does not keep a relationship going. The more you focus on other aspects of your life together the less you need sex to stay happy. And if you have sex less often you will appreciate it more. Try focusing on doing fun things together that involves what you both enjoy. Sex becomes boring when its all you do and its all you think about.

brazilia · Jul 28, 2008, 03:40 AM

Originally Posted by kirope

For the last year our sex life sucks, we have been together for about 3 1/2 yrs and it was fine then but now we do it but like one's a month and I don't know what to do anymore, I have try everything, from sexy clouse to being naked but it just don't work. I already check on him being with another female but he is not so I'm out of clues already.

he's cheating or doing something on the side.. or he could be on the down low? You should read that b0ok its great! About a woman that never knew her husband was gay! Indeed he did love her but he just needed sex somewhere else =P. cause honestly when a guy goes that long something is definitely wrong

Synnen · Jul 28, 2008, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by brazilia

hes cheating or doing something on the side..or he could be on the down low? you should read that b0ok its great! about a woman that never knew her husband was gay! indeed he did love her but he just needed sex somewhere else =P. cause honestly when a guy goes that long something is definately wrong

Really? Not wanting sex means you're gay or cheating?

I mean, it couldn't POSSIBLY be that he's suffering from a medical condition? Or maybe a mental problem, like depression? How about just stress from finances, or from work, or from the kids?

There are as many reasons for NOT wanting to have sex as there are people. Yes, some of those reasons are common, but just because a guy isn't interested doesn't mean he's gay, a porn addict, or cheating.

How about we explore some of the OTHER options before just jumping on that bandwagon, hmmm?

My first question in this thread---have you TALKED about it together?--is still the most pertinent. He may KNOW what the problem is, and she hasn't asked. Or he may be afraid to talk about it, since performance issues with guys are generally linked to their egos, and may need encouragement from her to even bring it out in the open.

He may be depressed--one of the effects of depression is a decrease in libido. He may have some OTHER medical condition that needs to be diagnosed by a doctor.

Until the OP comes back and gives us more details, everyone is just jumping to conclusions without enough information.

Choux · Jul 28, 2008, 02:04 PM

Syn,

You are *totally misrepresenting* my comments and my opinion about the harmful aspects of porn primarily on YOUNG MEN and YOUNG WOMEN.

I have been doing a lot of reading about studies on porn's effect on young men, so please don't complain about what I have to say about porn when I talk to young people.

Don't take my comments personally!!

Thanks. :)

Choux · Jul 28, 2008, 02:19 PM

Syn,

For the sake of harmony among experts, I'll stop mentioning porn except if a questioner asks about it.

Synnen · Jul 28, 2008, 02:52 PM

Choux,

Were you quoted in my above post?

WHO is the one taking things personally here?

I was mainly pointing out that jumping to ANY conclusion, including that of age, is of no use if the OP doesn't come back and answer some questions.

Choux · Jul 28, 2008, 03:32 PM

Syn post on page one referring to my first post here,

"/sigh

I'm so SICK of the "does he watch porn" question in regards to waning male sexual interest. "Is he healthy" is a much better first question, if you ask me.

It has gotten to the point where I want to ask the question "Does she read romance novels?" to every GUY that posts that his female partner is no longer as interested in sex.

Please--let's stop calling everyone who ever watches a smidgen of porn an addict. There are plenty of other reasons out there for a guy to lose interest in sex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My last two posts refer to this post by you on this thread. :)

For you trying to be "cute", no more me being Ms. Nice Woman. :D

Synnen · Jul 28, 2008, 09:04 PM

I wasn't trying to be cute.

I was TRYING to help the OP.

You are not the only one who posts about porn being a problem, lady. I have no idea whether it is or not in this case, because the OP has NOT COME BACK. I would love it if she did, because it would be easier to help her with her problems if she answered some questions.

Porn IS, however, a quickly jumped to conclusion in SEVERAL posts. I expect that in about 5% of those posts, porn actually IS the problem. In the rest of them, the problem is communication, and people expecting their partner to read their minds.

This thread is closed, pending the OP sending me or another moderator a PM. I refuse to let this turn into another "Porn is bad!" / "No, it's not!" debate, especially when the OP didn't even MENTION porn. Not even in passing.