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Cloudarc · Jul 8, 2008, 08:47 PM

My girlfriend is pregnant but we found this out after we got together and its not mine and the father wants to help take care of it and wants me to have nothing to do with the baby she says she only loves him as a friend and he still loves her and I love her a lot but should I break up with her and just let her be with him so the child can grow up in a stable home and can be a real family?

rockerchick_682 · Jul 8, 2008, 09:07 PM

I have a feeling they're not going to have much of a family anyway... but if I were you I wouldn't stay with her. I'm guessing she either cheated on you, or you guys haven't been together that long. I guess you have to consider all the baggage that comes with her and see if she's worth it. A kid, angry father...

Guidostern · Jul 8, 2008, 11:41 PM

This can be a hard decision to make, especially if you have been with her for a large part of the pregnancy... Just think about what is going to be best for you at this point. If she doesn't love him like that, the baby will most likely not have a stable home... Since you both know that she's not carrying your child, I wouldn't force myself into it if I were you... but again, that's a decision that you're going to have to make. Do you think you can trust her?

Good luck..

marty100no · Jul 9, 2008, 12:09 AM

I'm no expert but if I was you I would break up with her, it would be for the best and the father of the baby does have the right to be with her, I know it sucks and it'snot fair but that's just life man, I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one, but in the end it really depends on how much you love her, if you really love her and think that she is the one, yo got to fight for your right to party

Romefalls19 · Jul 9, 2008, 05:36 AM

Rockerchick and Marty, I disagree with both of you. How is it best for the baby? An unstable environment in which the mother would not be happy. You have several scenarios you are then faced with. If the mother was in love with the OP, and had strong feelings for him then she may grow up resent the child for causing the friction(I have seen it happen). Second scenario is that the relationship between the mother and father will be strained and make for an dysfunctional household which is not going to be good for the child, and believe me the child will pick up on the behaviors exhibited between the two parents.

If it's any help Cloud, I am currently dating a girl who has 2 children by an ex. This hasn't impaired my decision to continue my relationship with her. The ex doesn't want the kids around me but she does and he cannot dictate who she brings the kids around as long as there is no violence or drug use(which as many people on this site know, I am dead against) I would say if you guys have a healthy relationship then why end it? He can still be a father to the child if he sees fit. Ultimately it is your girlfriends decision on if she wants to get back with him though.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2008, 06:11 AM

How old are you both?
How pregnant is she?
How long have you been involved with each other?
How long has she been broken up from the father?

FilthyDFC · Jul 9, 2008, 06:26 AM

I have a feeling that you're young... and if I were you I would gtfo!

KalFour · Jul 9, 2008, 06:29 AM

Hi.
That's tough. Well... I realise this is a big question... but do you feel ready to take on the role of a father? Most people are forced into this role whether they feel ready or not... but you DO have a choice.

She has chosen you over the father. And that certainly isn't the easiest option. So obviously she cares about you a great deal. Do you care about her? How much? Do you want to be with her?

If you chose to stay with her, make sure you're prepared to accept the child. If your relationship lasts in the long run, you will be, effectively a father to it. Would you be likely to harbour resentment to the baby because it is not biologically yours

The decision is yours. I know it sucks, but there it is.

All the best,
Kal

rockerchick_682 · Jul 9, 2008, 08:39 PM

Yeah I guess you guys missed the "guessing" part. All I'm saying is that most stable relationships don't involve your girlfriend being pregnant from their ex.

They haven't even been together for a year (cause she's still pregnant), but he should jump into helping her start a family? He is in no way responsible for the baby's future life. The mother and the father are. I agree that none of us know enough about either of them to decide who loves who, so I guess it's up to him to decide.

I just don't believe that in that short period that you could be committed enough to take responsibility of a child.

Guidostern · Jul 9, 2008, 11:02 PM

You would be surprised on how much of a commitment can be built. I'm only 28, but my parents raised me old school where you take care of the woman you are with.

My ex wife was pregnant with "our" child and I stepped up... come to find out, after we were married and the baby was born, it was not mine. We had been together for a long time, but it's no different. He obviously has enough of a commitment to her to question his decision.

Like I had said before; it's a hard choice to make, but he's going to need to think about what is best for him and not her and this baby.

ylaira · Jul 9, 2008, 11:27 PM

Its ur GF's choice and its up to you if u will accept her still or not in spite of the betrayal. Should u stay w/ ur GF? If u do, it comes with a baggage. Hey ur not still married. Lets see how things will be w/ ur gf and the guy if the child is born.

Romefalls19 · Jul 10, 2008, 05:19 AM

Very well said Guidostern! I was also raised the same way, you step up, if you feel a connection with her obviously you are supposed to be there.

Rockerchick, my relationship is highly stable and I have technically been "together" with my girlfriend since March but officially dating since early June. She has 2 kids by her ex, so technically I have been tossed into that family. I also don't agree with the whole the mother and father are responsible for the baby's future. Anyone can be a father, not everyone can be a dad. The dad's are the one's that are there for the child and do what is in the best interest of the child. Ultimately, it is her decision to stay with him, and then he can decide as well.

And a measure of commitment can't be scrutinized just because of the length of the relationship. It's how one feels in their heart about someone.

talaniman · Jul 10, 2008, 05:41 AM

Relationships are hard enough under the best conditions, and throw in a pregnant female, and the ex, there is a lot to consider. Putting the pregnancy issue aside for a minute, just the time between relationships is a problem, and are the ex and this female really through with each other, and is she just needing a friend for support, or a long term love? These are among the real questions, to be answered before we get fully emotionally invested.

Me, I help a new close friend, in need, let the dust settle, and see what happens, as now is not a good time to commit long term, or get emotionally invested to a female, that may change her mind once a child is born. Why rush to a decision like that, because the whole situation is emotionally charged to begin with??

There are still a lot of unanswered questions, and not a lot of facts, so help us out here, Cloudarc!

rockerchick_682 · Jul 10, 2008, 08:46 PM

I'm sorry I didn't mean to insult you. It came out harsher than I thought it would, I meant it more as a general statement and more to point out that babies complicate things in relationships.

Now that I've had a while to think about it, I just can't think outside the box. In high school stable relationships and responsibility don't exist. If this was happening then it'd be a mix of fighting and drama between both men.

He has every right to be a dad if he wants to be, but I think that's a lot of responsibility to take on. Like Guidostern said, decide whatevers best for him. She's a package deal and if he isn't ready to be a dad then he should leave.

Romefalls19 · Jul 11, 2008, 05:00 AM

I very much agree, if it were high school, fists would have been flying already ha ha. Babies do complicate things for relationships and he needs to decide if it is worth sticking around. I wish he would post back here to give us some more insight instead of us bumping heads on speculation because more than likely there is a huge part of the story missing

mrabc26 · Aug 29, 2011, 02:35 AM

Im in the same situation bro real talk. Me and my girl broke up 4 8months... we finally got back with each other and everything is going great... she then finds out she is pregnant with anothers man baby... I thought a lot about it.. a whole bunch really... and her baby's daddy is a lame! But I'm to the point in my life to where I know I still an very much in love with her and I would do anything in the world 4her... im willing to raise this baby with her and treat the child as if was my own... but it is a huge choice bro... just make the right decision for yourself(by the way we were together 4 years before we split up)