[worriedmother1]

My daughter, who is 17 has been dating this "guy" on and off for @ 2 years. He is very controlling, and manipulative. He is a high school drop out, lives at home, blows all his money, lives from moment to moment. In other words, the future is very bleak. I am sorry but love won't pay the power bill and mortgage. He has her so brain washed that he can convince her of anything. He has convinced her that she is better off with him, and secluded her from her friends or anyone that doesn't go along with him. He has a temper and I know that he has turned against her before, but she won't admit it. He controls all of her time and I am sure gets some of her money also. He has no transportation, so she provides the car and does the driving. I believe in giving anyone the benefit of the doubt and trying to help anyone who is trying to help themselves but this is truly a terrible sitiation for her. However, she is "beginning" to see the light a little but can't seem to make that break, I am letting her see this on her own, being there for her, trying to suggest without demanding, I am ready to scream. Any suggesstions?

[Romefalls19]

You're doing the best you can because the more you push she may rebel and be with him out of spite. You are very supporting and are doing the right thing. She is lucky to have a support line like you, she sounds like a smart girl and she will see the "light" soon enough. And when that happens, help keep him away because if he has a temper, he may stalk.

[Chery]

Hi worriedmom..

Well, depending what country you live in and the legal age.. you could have stopped this before it stated two years ago if in the USA. But since it's gone on this long, all you can do is hope that you let her know that she will have your support no matter what, even if she made a mistake she needs not to be ashamed or that you will not judge because you are her mother and love her unconditionally and will be there for her and always will have a place in your heart and home if she needs it.

Otherwise, you can secretely keep an eye on her for signs of physical abuse and if indicated you can try and convince her to report them. If it is emotional abuse, it's harder to tell, but that's where your ensurance of unconditional support comes in. Don't make it obvious that you don't like him or his lifestyle - so put on an act if you have to - it's for her benefit. If she thinks she's happy - be happy for her, let her know that what's important to you is her happiness no matter who she is with because, unfortunately, we cannot pick our children's partners. All we can do is hope that we gave them enough wisdom and strength on the way as they were growing up. They are the ones who have to live with their partners and be happy. Even though it hurts sometimes, we have to learn to let them make their own mistakes.

I wish you all the luck and strength you need, because as a mother, I know what you are going through - it's tough sometimes, and all we can do is be there.

Good luck dear, and keep us posted.

My 'baby' is divorced and going to marry the father of my grandson soon. All I can do is hope that he's the right one this time - at least she's happy and that's what counts.