[lynnfrances]

I am more heartbroken than I've ever been, and my husband is in the same condition.

I have an adult daughter from a previous marriage that is now 39 years old. She is married and has 1 child, my only grandchild. My husband is my 2nd and we've been together for 15 years.

Recently I had cancer and was hospitalized for almost a month at a large NY Cancer Hospital. During that time my daughter became very inquisitive about how my will and my husband's will were made out.

Since the bulk of what we own was acquired after our marriage, I left my share to him should I die--which was a possibility. He in turn left all he owned to me, however, if I was not here everything went to my daughter. My daughter was Administrator of both wills.

After finding out about this, she became enraged. Shortly after my returning home from the hospital, we were told by her that she wanted my half of the assets if I died and that legal forms should be made out to 'protect her'. My husband, saint that he is, encouraged me to do that to keep peace in the family.

That did not satisfy my daughter. She wanted the new wills, and title to the house, to be kept in her possession. We said that was not acceptable. After that both of us were flooded with hateful emails saying how she is entitled to be the heir to my half and hold the papers, least they be destroyed by my husband.

We then went back to the attorney and returned the wills to their original way. She was taken off as executor and my husband rethought who he would bequest his estate to, leaving her less.

I know it's been a long post, but does a daughter have the ethical right to dictate our wills? I feel worth more dead than alive. My heart is broken and my condition worsens, this is killing me.

[tickle]

You could legally leave your estate to your dog or cat (some people have left millions to pets). I guess if your daughter hadn't gotten greedy, you all would not be in this unsatisfactory boat. No, you don't have to leave your daughter anything, but whatever she gets she should be thankful for. No she doesn't have any right to dictate your wills. That is solely up to you and your husband. That isn't to say she wouldn't try to contest after you aregone.

[JBeaucaire]

"Dear daughter, after listening to your strong desires regarding the disposition of my estate should I pass on, we have realized that were being silly with this whole thing. I apologize for accidentally misleading you on the issue of inheritance, if that is what I managed to do. "

"To alleviate any further need for you to be concerned, know that it is our intention to spend it all. If you still want us to leave you in the will regarding real estate, we could consider that, but it will all be mortgaged to 95% or higher and we are spending our twilight years enjoying the fruits of our labors. Do you wish us to leave you our debts? Let us know."

"I'm sure you understand."

"Your eagerness to spend our assets helped us realize we were missing the boat ourselves. Thanks for helping us see how silly it was to be saving assets we should be enjoying ourselves. We appreciate your input."

[progunr]

"Dear daughter, after listening to your strong desires regarding the disposition of my estate should I pass on, we have realized that were being silly with this whole thing. I apologize for accidentally misleading you on the issue of inheritance, if that is what I managed to do. "

"To alleviate any further need for you to be concerned, know that it is our intention to spend it all. If you still want us to leave you in the will regarding real estate, we could consider that, but it will all be mortgaged to 95% or higher and we are spending our twilight years enjoying the fruits of our labors. Do you wish us to leave you our debts? Let us know."

"I'm sure you understand."

"Your eagerness to spend our assets helped us realize we were missing the boat ourselves. Thanks for helping us see how silly it was to be saving assets we should be enjoying ourselves. We appreciate your input."

Can't rate it yet, but, THAT IS PRICELESS!!

I would already have it in an envelope, were I you.

[George_1950]

Welcome to AMHD. Just curious: does your current husband have children? One way to handle this would be to leave a bequest to your grandchild in such a way that your daughter cannot get it.

[N0help4u]

She is being unreasonable and you did the right thing in what all you have done so far.
Like JB said enjoy your assets while you are able to.
Incidentally you can leave her $1. or whatever YOU WANT to but IF YOU WANT put something in the will for her that way it is harder for her to contest the will as an oversight and adds insult to injury.

[smearcase]

This is a tough situation and affects your daughter and grandchild. So long as you are prepared to lose contact with them, the vengeful way may be the best way for you. I don't know your financial situation or what it would be for your surviving spouse, so I can't really make any recommendation. An elder law attorney may have some suggestions. If the estate pases from you to your husband, where will it go when he passes away, possibly to a distant relative of his?

[lynnfrances]

smearcase

You make a good point, the assets could pass to a distant relative of his unless this is done the legal and right way. I do have a grandchild who I want remembered, I love her so much.

Losing contact is something that is happening anyway... an elder law attorney must be contacted. I see the need for that more now than ever.


Trust is also involved in this scenario... so much for that though, at one time I had absolute trust in my daughter.

Thank you.

[JBeaucaire]

Maybe leave some money in trust for the kids direct college expenses, paid directly to the college only. Any monies not utilized for grandchild college expenses reverts to some specific charity on their 25th birthday.

Give them credit for the idea in the will, too, since you were "always amazed at how much you value and cherish your children, I could think of no better way to help you honor them but to assist in assuring their continued education."

... leave them a 10-year membership in the "cheese of the month" club. That way for 10 years they're reminded every month how much you thought of her greediness. Hehe.

[klsads]

I am more heartbroken than I've ever been, and my husband is in the same condition.

I have an adult daughter from a previous marriage that is now 39 years old. She is married and has 1 child, my only grandchild. My husband is my 2nd and we've been together for 15 years.

Recently I had cancer and was hospitalized for almost a month at a large NY Cancer Hospital. During that time my daughter became very inquisitive about how my will and my husband's will were made out.

Since the bulk of what we own was acquired after our marriage, I left my share to him should I die--which was a possibility. He in turn left all he owned to me, however, if I was not here everything went to my daughter. My daughter was Administrator of both wills.

After finding out about this, she became enraged. Shortly after my returning home from the hospital, we were told by her that she wanted my half of the assets if I died and that legal forms should be made out to 'protect her'. My husband, saint that he is, encouraged me to do that to keep peace in the family.

That did not satisfy my daughter. She wanted the new wills, and title to the house, to be kept in her possession. We said that was not acceptable. After that both of us were flooded with hateful emails saying how she is entitled to be the heir to my half and hold the papers, least they be destroyed by my husband.

We then went back to the attorney and returned the wills to their original way. She was taken off as executor and my husband rethought who he would bequest his estate to, leaving her less.

I know it's been a long post, but does a daughter have the ethical right to dictate our wills? I feel worth more dead than alive. My heart is broken and my condition worsens, this is killing me.

Good advice all, but as a probate paralegal I would recommend an estate planning attorney, not an elder law practitioner... that is more for medicaid/medicare advice. Yes you could have a generation skipping trust established to direct your estate to your grandchild and bypass your daughter all together. I'm sorry about the emotional trauma of this situation and I feel for you 100%... believe me, I see this type of thing all too often in my line of work! Good luck and please see an attorney for a free consultation, if possible. It would at least give you some options suited to your particular situation.

[djbowens]

I feel extremely sorry for what you are having to go through. I am 21 and my mother passed away when I was 19. All I wanted to say - from a daughter's perspective - I feel like your daughter is being selfish. I would want her to be more concerned about the fact that you could have died from cancer, then what she is going get once you're gone. If I had known my mother was going to pass away, the last thing on my mind would have been her will. I know that this post doesn't really answer your question, but it makes me sad that your daughter seems more concerned about your will than your life. If I could have my mother back for even 5 minutes, I would give everything I have to make it happen. Instead of being concerned with the material things (and $$$) your daughter should focus on you, and think about how horrible it will be whenever you are no longer with us instead of what she will receive once you are gone.

[kimdeelee]

Like most people she thinks she is entitled or should be to some of your money and possessions but that is entirely up to you I know it's heart breaking for her cause if it was me I would be hurt that my mom would not leave me anything I think you should leave her something she's your only child I say look out for her as much as you can she's lashing out right now because she's hurt

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry I will say I did not read what others said, but no, your daughter is not entitled to a penny, and now acting as a spoiled child she should not get anything for sure.

You and your husband worked hard for everything and after 15 years yes everything you have should be his, well maybe a few 1000 to your daughter but not much, it is your husbands after all these years.

She should not have expected anything and this shows a lack of respect completely on her part.