[geegeesha]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years and I guess we've moved pretty fast considering. We live together and share finances, paying bills and rent shared. It works well and I'm really the only one who stresses about money or anything. I work nights and He works days so its hard to spend time together. We don't really fight much and it never lasts for long though I get frustrated with his lack of responsibility in doing simple grown up things like cooking, cleaning, managing finances etc. He's 22 but its typical of boys I guess. I've been thinking for a while that I might like to go my separate way from him but it is really hard because our relationship is generally good and loving. He is just no nice and everyone loves him, especially me! I just feel so guilty and selfish at the idea of leaving him... he'd be heartbroken and would struggle on his own. I am smart, independent, capable and eager to travel and experience the world. I feel like things are much harder with him and can't help but feeling that being on my own would be easier, not having to consider someone else in my plans all the time and being able to control my world better. I understand that this sounds selfish, controlling and unfeeling but I can see this other life without him that seems easier. He is always there for me and I would miss him greatly but if I stick with him I worry that down the track I will look back and wish I'd left sooner.

[geegeesha]

p.s. He is deep in debt, constantly spending money on nothing, old fines and expenses keep popping up out of nowhere, he uses MY car all the time which results in me catching cabs and walking places. It drives me nuts! He would have nothing if it wasn't for me and he makes my life hard. Saving is impossible. I feel like I solve all our problems and his life is so easy because of me.

[Alty]

Have you talked to him about how you feel?

I have a friend that's in a similar situation than you. Her boyfriend of 8 years, with which she has two kids, pregnant with the third, buys everything he wants and she takes care of the bills. He's in debt up to his eyeballs, skidoos, quads, car parts (he's always upgrading), You name it he buys it. When a bill comes he has no cash to pay, even though he make three times as much as she does and is 4 years older (should have grown up by now)

This sound familiar? This could be you in another 6 years. Time to sit down and decide what you are going to do. Can you live with the way he is, or do you want to leave. Keep in mind that you can't change him, so things probably aren't going to get any better than they are right now.

Good luck.

[liz28]

My boyfriend used to be this way and it ignored the hell out of me. I had a talk with him about his money issues and he now is very cautious with money. He paid all his debts and now pays all his bills ahead of time before their due, which improved his credit score. He made a lot of changes and I'm very proud of him and he is too.

Voice all your concerns to your boyfriend and if he don't change then leave, but if you really don't want to be with him and rather be alone, also leave. Don't stay if your heart not in it and know that sometimes people grow apart.

[JBeaucaire]

You don't get an easy answer on this one. You have to choose your master.

Either your moving towards marriage and all of his issues/problems/debts etc are becoming yours and you're fine with that...

... or you're not fine with ANY of it and you shouldn't let any earlier bad decisions (like moving in together) stop you from doing right by yourself now.

Pick. Then be honest about your choice. IF you choose to pursue your own needs, then his needs are his to worry about. You can't have it both ways. Either you're staying and taking his junk onto your shoulders like all loving couples do, or you're not.

There's no middle ground that isn't insanity. Choose.

[talaniman]

If that the way you feel he should be the first to know, not the last.

There is no shame in changing your mind, but let him know that you have.