[VictoriaWillson]

Hello!
I am new here and I beg you for your pardon if it is not the right place for my post!

I'm writing on behalf of my sister who has a 10 yr. old son by accident. She was sleeping with 2 different men at the same time and became pregnant. She was relatively sure of who the father was and he assumed the role. Well, now that the child is older, it's very evident that he is not the father because there are no physical similarities. Now the biological father wants to be part of this child's life. The man that has raised him is not okay with this. Now, the child does not know that the man raising him is not his father.
The biological father lives 2.5 hrs. away and would like to see him 1-2 times per month. We will need to break the news.
What is the best way to do this and what do you say without causing emotional problems for this child and his legal father?We were told by counselors to have both fathers, mother, and child see a counselor and have the counselor tell the child the news with everyone present. What are your suggestions?
Another question-What will be the legal consequences of such action if the legal father resists ?
Thank you in advance!

[stinawords]

We really need to know what state this is in because different states have different laws. In some states there is a statute of limitations upon which the biological father can no longer try to gain rights. As for the counseling I think that is a great idea if the parents decide to go forward with it but after we know what state it is in we can help a lot more.

[Fr_Chuck]

Actually no, you can not be 100 percent by "what the child looks like" my adopted child looks more like me than my regular children. Do get a DNA test before you jump into any agreement

[progunr]

actually no, you can not be 100 percent by "what the child looks like" my adopted child looks more like me than my regular children. do get a DNA test before you jump into any agreement

AGREES!

You MUST determine paternity prior making any arrangements.

It is only fair to the child, and the two dads.

[confused1145]

My opinion is that the family should tell. It may hurt the child, but he will probably understand better that way than if some stranger tells him.

[stinawords]

I couldn't agree with Fr_Chuck more, you absolutely have to have the DNA test done first.

[cdad]

Depending on the DNA results. If the bio dad isn't the man your with then since this other man hasn't been a part of this child's life. Maybe he might be willing to sign over his rights so the man your with may adopt him I know it sounds bad but if he's facing 10 years of back child support it might change his mind. If you can get that to happen and he signs papers of no contact then do not tell the child until they are old enough to comprehend the situation.

[VictoriaWillson]

Thank you very much!!

We really need to know what state this is in because different states have different laws..

Ohio

actually no, you can not be 100 percent by "what the child looks like" my adopted child looks more like me than my regular children. do get a DNA test before you jump into any agreement

Maybe there is no need of DNA tests... My sister and the legal father have 0 blood type,my nephew has AB.

depending on the DNA results. If the bio dad isnt the man your with then since this other man hasnt been a part of this childs life. Maybe he might be willing to sign over his rights so the man your with may adopt him I know it sounds bad but if hes facing 10 years of back child support it might change his mind. If you can get that to happen and he signs papers of no contact then do not tell the child until they are old enough to comprehend the situation.

Here is the problem...
No one wants to take away anything away from the legal father since he's been a decent father to him all these years.My sister said him that it was possible for him not to be a father but he said it did not matter for him. I don't blame him really, but no-one is trying to hurt him.The bio father does not want to replace him.He wants contacts with his child and he wants his son to be informed about the truth.
We are really worried...

[stinawords]

I hate to break it to you but the if the kid has AB blood and the "mother" has type "O" then she isn't the bio mother either. Trust me I studied this stuff a LOT in college you get one part from the mother and one part from the father so I would HIGHLY recommend DNA testing even more now.

[GV70]

In my view there are four aspects in this case: Social,Moral Legal,and Psychological.

The old question-“What makes a father” is still unresolved.One part of the society assumes that the DNA is a conclusive evidence for paternity and DNA results should control all paternity disputes.Other part assumes that there is more than DNA to be a parent.
Where is the truth?
The truth is over there…
Some states have biological imperative as their legislation and Court practice./ as Arizona and Ohio for example/. Other states have social imperative/ as Michigan,Florida and etc./. Third part of states have time limits and the best interest standard /as New York , Oregon…/
No one of these three types of legislation can satisfy the society.
Biological imperative;
Let us imagine a case: A child was born …17 years later the biological father stepped on the plate saying:”You are no one here, I do not want you to be a part of my child's life as you did last 17 years.You were a baby-sitter, caretaker , etc. but now I have rights-not you”.Of course, the court upheld his claims.
Do you think it was a moral and fair act?
Social imperative:
A husband was duped and cuckoolded by his wife, but the Court said “Who acts as a parent-he is the parent and in this way he is obligated to pay child support next 18+ years”
Do you think that it is moral and fair to impose obligations upon a non-parent?
The truth…is over there.
I like the best the third way-the best interest of the child/ren has to control where there are competing presumptions.

Only few men understand that there is no an absolute right-there are rights which compete with the rights of others.And rights have to go together with obligations…

[GV70]

Ohio legal grounds and court practice

According to Ohio legislation,


3111.01 Parent and child relationship defined.

(A) As used in sections 3111.01 to 3111.85 of the Revised Code, “parent and child relationship” means the legal relationship that exists between a child and the child's natural or adoptive parents and upon which those sections and any other provision of the Revised Code confer or impose rights, privileges, duties, and obligations. The “parent and child relationship” includes the mother and child relationship and the father and child relationship.

3111.03 Presumption of paternity.
(A) A man is presumed to be the natural father of a child under any of the following circumstances:
1) The man and the child's mother are or have been married to each other, and the child is born during the marriage or is born within three hundred days after the marriage is terminated by death, annulment, divorce, or dissolution or after the man and the child's mother separate pursuant to a separation agreement.
(3) An acknowledgment of paternity has been filed pursuant to section 3111.23 or former section 5101.314 of the Revised Code and has not become final under former section 3111.211 or 5101.314 or section 2151.232, 3111.25, or 3111.821 of the Revised Code.
(B) A presumption that arises under this section can only be rebutted by clear and convincing evidence that includes the results of genetic testing, except that a presumption that is conclusive as provided in division (A) of section 3111.95 or division (B) of section 3111.97 of the Revised Code cannot be rebutted. An acknowledgment of paternity that becomes final under section 2151.232, 3111.25, or 3111.821 of the Revised Code is not a presumption and shall be considered a final and enforceable determination of paternity unless the acknowledgment is rescinded under section 3111.28 or 3119.962 of the Revised Code. If two or more conflicting presumptions arise under this section, the court shall determine, based upon logic and policy considerations, which presumption controls.
3111.04 Standing to bring paternity action.
A) An action to determine the existence or nonexistence of the father and child relationship may be brought by the child or the child's personal representative, the child's mother or her personal representative, a man alleged or alleging himself to be the child's father, the child support enforcement agency…

3111.05 Statute of limitations.

An action to determine the existence or nonexistence of the father and child relationship may not be brought not later than five years after the child reaches the age of eighteen. Neither section 3111.04 of the Revised Code nor this section extends the time within which a right of inheritance or a right to a succession may be asserted beyond the time provided by Chapter 2105. 2107. 2113. 2117. or 2123. Of the Revised Code.
An acknowledgment of paternity is final and enforceable without ratification by a court when the acknowledgment has been filed with the office of child support, the information on the acknowledgment has been entered in the birth registry, and the acknowledgment has not been rescinded and is not subject to possible recission pursuant to section 3111.27 of the Revised Code.


The most important Ohio cases:
Merkel v. Doe, 635 N.E.2d 70 (Ohio Ct. C. Pl. 1993)
Patrick T. v. Michelle L. Ohio Ct. App. 2000
Lorence v. Goeller, 2002-Ohio-948

Lorence v. Goeller, 2005-Ohio-2678/The Court of Appeals of Ohio affirmed the trial court's decision that custody may not be awarded to a non-parent, a man led to believe he was the biological father, without first making a finding of parental unsuitability of the true birth father/.
Goeller v. Lorence, 2006-Ohio-5807/A former,disestablished legal father who resided with a child for the first eleven years of child's life may not seek custody, he may seek visitation only/


Conclusion-the parent-child relationship is determined by blood ties only..

[GV70]

Psychological and emotional issues

In my view it will be a very dangerous situation if the legal father resists.. .
First-If his status is disestablished,he will most likely leave…It happens in almost all cases in my practice.
Second-Allowing a child to have two “real' Dads may produce “a chameleon kid”.
Third-it is possible to have a lot of conflicts between those two dads.What I mean to say…I remember an event when my son was nine years of age. He said he loved his gpandparents more than my wife and me/ his parents/, because his grandparents gave him to eat unlimited chocolate,ice-cream and cakes…I think you understand what I want to say…

If the legal father is willing to cooperate, a couple of thoughts come to mind here. One is that this is very similar to an adoption issue. There are a lot of great books around that deal with explaining adoption to children. The premise is the same as in your sister's situation. This child sees his non-biological parent as his father and as long as the relationship is healthy, should continue to see it that way. This man is his father because he embodies what a father is. The biological parent basically donated his sperm and now wants a relationship.I hope also, that there is a lawyer involved for your nephew. I like the idea of the counseling however I do not feel that having both fathers involved during the "reveal" is warranted. This child hopefully trusts and loves his mother and father-figure. Having them explain it to him with a counselor present to assist would be my avenue. Easing the biological father in after that would be necessary. Perhaps everyone going out for pizza or some other non-threatening activities could slowly introduce that man into your nephew's life. He needs to know that his mother and father (as he sees him) are not going away and will continue to co-parent him. Only if the child feels comfortable with all this would I allow this man to begin seeing your nephew - under supervised visits until everyone is comfortable with the situation. A background check on this guy may also be warranted. You cannot be too safe here. Again, consult with a lawyer on all of this. Finding a counselor who is experienced in adoption issues would be very helpful here.

[GV70]

Sorry for my long posts here.:)
It is Family Law board but I think there are several conditions in this case.

[stinawords]

As GV was saying, Ohio law decided who the father is based on a DNA test. However, in the best interest of the child I wouldn't want to bombard him with this information. I totally agree with his "mom and dad" that he knows sit him down and tell him so he has a little time to process it with out an audience there so he dosen't feel judged. A gradual introduction with the bio father is also best because it gives him time to get to know him again with out being bombarded with all of the emotional stress that can occur.

[Synnen]

GV70 has answered the legal side of this very well.

He's also raised some very important points from the psychological/moral point of view.

I'm a birth mom--I have an open adoption.

It's extremely important that the biological father get no MORE rights than the father currently raising this child. If he INSISTS on those rights, I'd be INSISTING on back child support, payable immediately, thank you very much.

This sort of situation is nothing but confusing to a child, especially to a child of 10. If this were something that had come out when the child was an infant or toddler (and I'm surprised it didn't, considering the difference in blood type), it would have been easier to introduce the whole situation to the child.

I agree with GV70--if the bio dad wants his "rights", he needs to be slowly eased into the child's life. The "real" dad (for lack of a better word--the guy raising the kid now) should stay the man raising the child. The bio dad should (if he steps up with child support) in all cases support the "real" dad and mother with regards to how the child is raised, and perhaps be treated as an indulgent uncle or some such thing--In no way shape, or form should the child be turned over to this man as a "father", cutting out the "real" dad.

Frankly, my thought on this is that if the bio dad wanted rights, he should have stepped up to the plate 10 years ago.

[VictoriaWillson]

Hello again!
I want to say THANK YOU to all who responded to my question and especially to GV70 !
Actually the biological father wants only limited contacts with my nephew but he wants my nephew to be informed about his true paternity. I am concerned about how it will have an effect on my nephew,his non-biological father and the whole family. What will be the legal and psychological consequences if both fathers are not in a good relationship?

[stinawords]

There will be far greater phychological consequences than legal consequences if the two men don't get along. Then again if they can't find a way to get along for the child's sake I don't think they deserve the title of "Men". Legally the bio dad could go to court to get more visitation and that is really the most he could do at this point because no judge would change physical custody and make the kid go live with him perminantly. There is an almost endless list of phychological consequences that I can think of though for the boy and for the dad that has been raising him for all these years.

[sweety]

In the UK OR USA she will first need to get a DNA test done to prove the biological father. Both men need to do it, then if the legal father isn't, the child will need a new birth certificate and need to be registered again under the biological fathers name. She can get legally prosecuted if she knew that the current legal father wasn't the dad, as she pledged and oathed at the registry office and it is an offence.
After all this you should sit and have a counsellor help you all. It will be difficult at first but you all need the support you can get.

[GV70]

There will be far greater phychological consequences than legal consequences if the two men don't get along. Then again if they can't find a way to get along for the child's sake I don't think they deserve the title of "Men".

Here I disagree with respect:)

Legally the bio dad could go to court to get more visitation and that is really the most he could do at this point...

Maybe... after paying 10 years past child support,emotional damages , etc.


There is an unwritten rule "Who claims does matter"./Believe me-I have thousands similar cases in my archive/ If a husband wants to be freed of obligation to support a non-biological child, the Court will impose him Estoppel.If a marital father wants to be freed of CS obligation and join the biofather as a party-he will not be entitled to receive retroactive CS .If the biofather wants to be established as the child's legal father-the Court will impose him retroactive child support, birth expenses and other...

I am not a prophet and no one can predict what will happen...
I can only guess why the BF acts in that way-he wants rights and privileges but he does not like to have obligations.

[GV70]

she can get legally prosecuted if she knew that the current legal father wasnt the dad, as she pledged and oathed at the registry office and it is an offence.

Not exactly-all states and the UK have marital presumption.
BTW I do not know about legally prosecuted women in such cases. Do you??