[Kick277Jen]

First let me start by saying that I am 18 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year now. Throughout the past two months we have become more sexually active, touching each other sexually (however, our clothes are still on). While we have not gone any farther than that, I believe this is something we should'nt be doing and I feel extremely guilty for what we have done.
... So I have two questions... 1. Is this wrong in the sight of God? And 2. If it is, how do we begin to stop? (because we all know that once something starts, its kind of hard to stop)

Thanks for the help,
Jen

[jrebel7]

It is wonderful that you are 18 and been in a relationship for a year and have restrained yourselves thus far. I applaud you for this. I am very proud of you.

Every person has to set certain standards for themselves and then stick to those standards or commitment one has made to oneself. You are thinking of entering an area that will affect your emotions and self-esteem more than you can ever know. It is unpopular these days to take a stand not to do certain things such as have sex before marriage. It is, as you say, difficult to stop once you start.

According to the Bible, yes it is wrong to be touching each other inappropriately and I am sure in your heart you feel this or you would not be asking.

Each step you take, will entice you to go a little further. God has given us a strong sexual drive so that we will procreate and so we can enjoy the coming together as one with our life partner (husband and wife). It's mysterious, inviting, deeply moving and can seem extremely right when you love someone.

My concern for you is trifold:

You have apparently set standards of behavior for yourself... how will you feel about yourself if you vary from this further?

If you and this boy break up... how will you feel about what you have done with him that you thought was so special realizing he is now gone his way and you yours.

You are concerned about God's view on this. I add to this concern, if you do break up, what next? Will you feel you have already broken your own rules you have set for yourself so it will no longer matter as the goal to refrain is now gone?

It is difficult to refrain once you have experienced the touching and the sensations it brings and the depth you feel it brings to the relationship. You both have to make a commitment to do only this or that and go no further. If only one is committed to this, it is so difficult.

You will receive lots of posts on this question and you will read them, digest them and you will know in your heart what is right. If you are committed to stop, you will. The resolve to do so sort of fades into the background in the moments of closeness and passion. Plan activities that do not allow you to have opportunities for long periods alone together in situations where you feel too safe as far as no one else knowing.

You only have one body. Chose well. I have to tell you, I have a lot of respect for you!

[JBeaucaire]

God created you to procreate. Keep that in mind. The "fooling around" you are doing is your natural inclination to have sex (and make babies). It's pure survival of the species. I know, feels like "love" to you, though, doesn't it?

God also gave you free will, and this means it's up to YOU decide what important guidelines you will use to guide your life to success. Religions in general offer a lot of rules in this area, and you can opt to subscribe to those rules. But only YOU can implement them. OK?

So, I hear you asking for help NOT going any further with your boyfriend, so that's what I'll respond to.

There are several things that have to occur for temptation situations to develop. If you cannot stop yourself from engaging in activities you feel guilt over once you are in the thick of it, you have to stop the process much sooner.

So, fooling around on the bed with your clothes on required you two to:
1- Choose to be alone in a house
2- Choose to go into a room with a bed in it
3- Choose to lie down on it
4- Fool around

I can assure you that your natural instincts WILL betray you each time you make it to step #4 above. You are correct to be concerned. So, you have to be smarter at step #1. As long as you refuse to step into isolated buildings with your boyfriend, the proceeding steps cannot ensue.

Does this make sense? Meet in public places only, in groups, period.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sex is something very speical for a married couples, sadly it is taken way to lightly by too many, we get people here every night, who have sex on the first date and don't understand why they don't get called back.

They more you "push" the limits the harder it is to control.

[sndbay]

Jen listen to your heart and soul, both keep you in good standing with the Lord. Your soul belongs to God, and it must keep your flesh body under control. Believe in yourself, the person God made you. You hold a mountain of respect for what you believe as right, now you have to respect yourself enough to keep what is right.

Be strong Jen, and may God's light shine bright on your path.

[talaniman]

While we have not gone any farther than that, I believe this is something we should'nt be doing and I feel extremely guilty for what we have done.

Listen to what your instincts are telling you, and don't do anything that leaves you with feelings of regret, or guilt.
JB has put it best, make different choices before you get started, and have a conversation with your boyfriend, about setting boundaries of behavior, and sticking to them together.

Good Luck!

[N0help4u]

For your boyfriend to be willing to wait and you wanting to please God I take it he is on the same page with you. Therefore you both need to strengthen each other. When you feel tempted
Open the Bible or look up a Bible study on the internet and refocus your attention to that.

Here is one to start
http://www.homeofthesoul.org/publications/Purity.pdf

The Bible also says if you can not contain your desires then it is better to marry
BUT you also need to make sure you are ready and sure your marriage will make it.

[tadita83]

This is the best way I know to explain it (my opinion anyway): graduation is something we look forward to for many years, especially in high school. If everyone could just graduate when they felt like, when they couldn't hold back their excitement anymore, then that would take away from the prestigiousness and honor of the actual graduation. Basically it wouldn't be special anymore. Same with sex before marriage, if you don't wait, it loses something. Its just not as special of an act as its meant to be. As far as how do you stop: talk about it with your boyfriend. Decide on something else to do when you start getting the urge to go a little further. Most importantly the two of you need to agree on the decision, and vow to help each other stick to it. Also if you slip up, don't take that as a chance to give up.