Check out some similar questions!

jessirich · Jun 16, 2008, 08:44 PM

I lost my first child almost 6 years ago. I am now married and loving it. I have been wanting a child ever since I lost my first one. I am 9 days late on my period, but I have taken two pregnancy tests and they were both negative. I really do wish that I was pregnant, but I sort of feel bad for it. My husband wants to wait until we are more financially stable, but I still have this urge to get pregnant. I don't know if this is normal for someone to have such a strong feeling about wanting a baby. I can't help but look at others who are pregnant and wish it was me. My little cousin just found out she is pregnant, and she has the same first name as me. Is it crazy of me to wish so badly that it was me?

Alty · Jun 16, 2008, 08:54 PM

It's not crazy sweetie, not at all. Remember this, there is never a financially good time to have child, if you wait to be in the clear financially you'll be to old to bear children. It is a good idea to have a stable job, a steady income, make sure that you have enough money coming in to care for this child properly, but other then that, I say go for it. Now you just have to talk to hubby. :)

I'm so sorry for you loss, I can't imagine the pain that you must feel. I had a miscarriage almost 3 years ago, I was three months pregnant, that devastated me, to actually loose a child that I held in my arms, hugged and cuddled, I can't imagine how I would feel.

As for being pregnant, you still could be. Sometimes it takes longer to get a positive response with an hpt. Have you considered going for a blood test at your doctors office, those are much more accurate.

I wish you all the best, good luck. :)

jessirich · Jun 16, 2008, 08:58 PM

Thanks for your help. I guess it just feels good to be able to talk to someone. I have many good friends, but none of them act as if they understand and it's hard to talk to them. It feels good to hear that I am not crazy to still have those feelings. I thought about having the blood test, but I just didn't know if I should wait just a little longer, since the other had negative results still, I didn't know if it would too. I guess another reason why I haven't had one yet, is because I am afraid of being let down about not being pregnant.

Alty · Jun 16, 2008, 09:04 PM

I can understand that. I was relatively lucky with my first two pregnancies, and have two beautiful children to show for it. The pregnancy I miscarried was a surprise and a bit of a shock, but after 5 minutes I was really excited to bring another life in to this world. Sometimes I wonder if having doubts for the first 5 minutes cause the miscarriage, even though I know that's not true, it's hard.

I tried for 7 months with my first child and 10 months with my second, and every month I was hopeful that this would be it. It's such a disappointment when it isn't, but I learned to be optomistic, after all, there's always next month, and next month etc. It's easy to say now, I know, but really, if you aren't pregnant then not getting the blood test isn't going to change that, just like my having doubts at first didn't cause my miscarriage. Am I making sense?

You'll get there. One day soon you'll be writing to us telling us that you are pregnant. Hey, it may be sooner than you think. :)

jessirich · Jun 16, 2008, 09:12 PM

I sure do wish! Congratulations on the two healthy pregnancies! I was in the same boat as you, I was three months pregnant when I miscarried. It was the hardest thing that I have ever went through. I guess since I miscarried my first one, I have wanted one ever since and every month that I have a period, I am heartbroken! I secretly want a child so badly, my husband knows, but he doesn't see why it is so important to me. Another reason that iw ant one so badly is because my grandmother is getting older, and I want my child to know her. She is an awesome woman, and I wouldn't be anything without her. There are just so many reasons I want one now. Also, all of the women in my family (mom, grandma, aunts, and great-grandma), have had early hysterectomies (in their 20's and 30's) and I just don't want to waste my time. Gosh, if men only could understand!

Alty · Jun 16, 2008, 09:22 PM

Men are funny. My first two pregnancies were planned, we talked about and we actually tried every month to get pregnant, and when the tests came back positive hubby turned white. I asked him what was wrong, we've been trying for this, why do you look faint. He said "I didn't think it would happen right away". Right away, the first time took 7 months, the second 10 months, that's not right away, it may as well have been forever as far as I was concerned. Well, the last pregnancy, the one we didn't plan for, was way different. I wasn't really paying attention to my period, then one day I realized that I was late, very late. I went to the store, got a test, took it home, and sure enough, I'm pregnant. I was shocked, and like I said, not sure how I felt about it, it wasn't planned. I was terrified how hubby would react, after all he had a bad reaction to the two we planned, how would he handle this? I told him, he looked at me, smiled, and said "This is a great thing, I'm so happy". Huh? Who are you, what did you do with my husband? :)

jessirich · Jun 17, 2008, 04:52 AM

That's funny. Yeah, guys can change their minds like no other sometimes. I just wish he could understand even the slightest bit. We talked last night, and he said that maybe in a couple of months we can try. I guess that's better than nothing! I justhope he doesn't change his mind again like he did last time!

DoulaLC · Jun 17, 2008, 05:20 AM

You're certainly not alone in longing to be pregnant and have a baby. I sometimes wandered baby departments, mentally picking out the things I would like to have for my future baby... wasn't even pregnant at the time! For many women, it's one of those things that is nearly impossible to get out of your mind once it is set. Like watching the calendar, counting days, looking for any little possible sign that you may be pregnant this month.

I think you can certainly plan for children, try to be in a good position financially so you don't have to have undue struggle, but as Altenweg said, often you are never completely ready when it happens... there can be many reasons it isn't the "right time". People find they are able to work it out, even when it happens unexpectedly.

Your family history is another reason to take a good look at your timing... it's understandable that it would be a concern. Good luck... whether it has already happened, or if it will happen in the next several months!

StephanyM · Jun 17, 2008, 12:50 PM

Don't feel bad for feeling that way. I've been feeling the same way lately... my daughter is 2, no longer wants to be cradled like a "baby" anymore. I want another one so bad, but my husband wants to wait at least another year. My sister just found out that she is pregnant, and at first I was jealous but now I'm happy for her... still wish it was me though! It will happen sooner or later. Good luck trying!