[thepurpose]

In the post previous to this one, I explain a small amount of why I haven't seen my daughter which I cannot handle at all. Not being able to see her in the years has ate at my soul and I occasionally break down.

Yesterday I drove an hour on the freeway. Half way through, I was praying and thought of my daughter, I couldn't hold it back and the tears flowed. I plead with God to see her, I tried to make it possible to see her, I made every effort to find them when I had zero money. It has taken its toll on my mind, my emotions and my well being.

I was played hard and not that that drives me crazy but I love my daughter and the lack of her is breaking me down every single day now. I went to a coffee shop tonight and the barista could see it in my eyes and asked if I was tired. At that moment I was on the verge of losing it, again.

I really cannot take it another day because I have put up with these feelings for 12 years. I used to work on ships as a merchant marine and the loneliness combined with missing my daughter, empties any remembrance of a human feeling. This level of devastation I cannot escape. Anyone with good advice as to a real way to find my daughter?

[lrhall41]

My suggestion to you is to take it easy with her. She is almost a teenager and girls at that age are very unpredictable. Don't be discouraged or angry if her reaction is not what you expected. Take it slowly with her, because you are the adult and you don't want to scare her with a lot of emotions.
You seem like a very patient young man and you have to show that you are in control of your emotions with her. Don't want to scare her with all of this... "lovely dovey daddy stuff". Keep trying to show her how much you love her and care for her a little bit at a time.
That is my advice.