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mattletiss · Jun 1, 2008, 11:26 AM

hi,

I've been seeing a girl for just over three months, we met about six months ago and we kind of friendly for a while and then, just before I had to leave town, managed to get our acts together and hook up. Since then we have been pretty much going out, we see each other about four days in every two weeks and are in pretty regular contact. We have lots in common and a great physical chemistry, in short things look pretty good except for one problem... the girl has a terrible habit of telling lies, generally small ones... this isn't something new, I realised it about her when I first met her but the longer we have been going out the more it is bugging me... for example, last night she texted me saying she was at a new movie that I know isn't out yet, so today I decided to check it out and lo is wasn't on... so I rang her and confronted her (in a very soft way) and she swore blind it was on... afterwards I rang the cinema and they confirmed that it wasn't... now this is not my normal behaviour and I have been ground off with myself for even engaging in it... but she often says things like 'i went to t see this band x last night' and I'll tell her about a program I watched that evening and she'll have seen it too, she's cool but not about to bi-locate! (I think)

I guess my question is how should I approach this situation. I don't want to bring up the cinema thing again (I won't) but it just seems sympotmatic of her general tendency to embellish... she has a very active imagination... she is 22 and I'm 27, as I say we have lots in common and I think she;s great but am not prepared to end up in a situation where either I don't believe her or I'm checking up on her, it's a waste of time... I think one of the reasons she lies is to impress me (which she doesn't need to do) but it is having the opposite effect... our mutual friends have noticed this tendency in her too but I think while its all right in a friend its not in a relationship... any suggestion?

talaniman · Jun 1, 2008, 11:40 AM

... our mutual friends have noticed this tendency in her too but I think while its all right in a friend its not in a relationship... any suggestion?

She well may be trying to impress you but that maybe a sign of insecurity with herself, but your friends are right, this lying will not work in a relationship.

I would tell her in a very caring, compassionate way, stop the lying. Then you see what she does. She may not be able to stop herself, but that's her issue.

JBeaucaire · Jun 1, 2008, 04:59 PM

Tal is right. You can't require her to change in any meaningful way. You can only point out that you are aware of it, find it mildly irritating, and can't promise you'll stand for that sort of thing forever.

You have to decide what's important and what you can live with. It's not even about her STOPPING lying, it's about making sure you only commit to people you actually have a chance at succeeding with.

brkfstatiffs · Jun 2, 2008, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by mattletiss

hi,

i've been seeing a girl for just over three months, we met about six months ago and we kind of friendly for a while and then, just before i had to leave town, managed to get our acts together and hook up. since then we have been pretty much going out, we see each other about four days in every two weeks and are in pretty regular contact. we have lots in common and a great physical chemistry, in short things look pretty good except for one problem...the girl has a terrible habit of telling lies, generally small ones...this isn;t something new, i realised it about her when i first met her but the longer we have been going out the more it is bugging me...for example, last night she texted me saying she was at a new movie that i know isn't out yet, so today i decided to check it out and lo is wasn't on...so i rang her and confronted her (in a very soft way) and she swore blind it was on...afterwards i rang the cinema and they confirmed that it wasn't...now this is not my normal behaviour and i have been ground off with myself for even engaging in it...but she often says things like 'i went to t see this band x last night' and i'll tell her about a program i watched that evening and she'll have seen it too, she's cool but not about to bi-locate! (i think)

i guess my question is how should i approach this situation. i don't want to bring up the cinema thing again (i won't) but it just seems sympotmatic of her general tendency to embellish...she has a very active imagination...she is 22 and I'm 27, as i say we have lots in common and i think she;s great but am not prepared to end up in a situation where either i dont believe her or i'm checking up on her, its a waste of time....i think one of the reasons she lies is to impress me (which she doesnt need to do) but it is having the opposite effect...our mutual friends have noticed this tendency in her too but i think while its alright in a friend its not in a relationship...any suggestion?

She's dating other guys. Move on if you want something serious with her, or straight out confront her that you feel uncomforable she is lying. Doesn't sound like a keeper though, and you aren't the only person she is currently physical with... or so that's my guess.

mattletiss · Jun 2, 2008, 02:00 PM

I've decided to give it a bit more time and access the situation... if she keeps on lying I will move on... I know it sounds kind of blind but I'm pretty certain she's not physical with anyone else, her lies are generally about going out when she in and really stupd s**t... plus I just spent an entire week in her company and there was no sign of anyone else... but yeah I am staying vigilant to that possibility too...

talaniman · Jun 2, 2008, 04:18 PM

I think giving her a chance is fair. Just don't hesitate to be honest with her as to how you feel. That's fair too!

Romefalls19 · Jun 2, 2008, 06:38 PM

Tell her you caught her in her litte white lies. Honesty is the best policy, if she continues, maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship

NotMyName · Jun 16, 2008, 12:25 PM

Well if she lies about the little stuff, what else is she lying about that you just haven't caught?
I hate those kind of lies also, why don't they just tell the truth?? The lies serve no purpose except to piss someone off when they realized they were lied to! Personally I wouldn't trust her, but my heart isn't involved.