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    ratherbeoutside's Avatar
    ratherbeoutside Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 22, 2008, 08:07 PM
    How do I accept the person my wife had an affair with
    We were married for 14 years, we had three children. After discovering that my wife was using drugs, having an affair and putting our children in a bad environment, I got a divorce and now have full custody of our children. My wife who is almost 40, had an affair with the person she was using drugs with, he is a 25 year old boy. Now I believe they are married. The court ordered her to keep him away from our kids, but now that they are married, I don't think I can stop them from being around him (I don't think she knows this). My question is, should I be expected to accept him? And how? He is part of our lives now, but I can't stand him. I have never met him and I don't want to because I think I would hurt him. I would love to hear from someone else who has been in the same situation.
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
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    #2

    May 22, 2008, 08:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ratherbeoutside
    The court ordered her to keep him away from our kids, but now that they are married, I dont think I can stop them from being around him (I dont think she knows this). .
    Sounds to me as though you had a lawyer. Perhaps you didn't. By marrying this guy, your ex may have forfeited her visitation. There has been a change in condition since the initial custody determination, so request a modification which limits her to two hours per day, one day per week, visitation.
    inthebox's Avatar
    inthebox Posts: 787, Reputation: 179
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    #3

    May 22, 2008, 09:33 PM
    You don't have to accept him, especially if he is putting your children in harms way.

    Get a lawyer, see if you could have your ex and the other guy, drug tested [ urine, blood, hair ]. Maybe you could have child social services "visit" the place of residence?
    450donn's Avatar
    450donn Posts: 1,821, Reputation: 239
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    #4

    May 23, 2008, 02:01 PM
    I agree, your first priority is to protect your children from harm. If that harm is in the form of their mother and her drug supplier that is the consequences she must pay. Go back to court and get sole custody and try and get the judge to terminate her parental rights.
    Sonador101's Avatar
    Sonador101 Posts: 298, Reputation: 14
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    #5

    May 23, 2008, 02:17 PM
    No you do nit have accept him he is a jerk, and quite frankly so is your wife. It's now your job to be a good father and make your kkids your first priorty let your personnel feelings about this jerk aside and just be a great dad
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    May 23, 2008, 02:27 PM
    No, you don't even have to ever see or meet him if you don't want, OK at some of the kids events they may come but it is OK to be rude to him if you wish. Now down the road if you find a new love and she is perfect, you may think he is the best friend, since if not for him you may have never meet your perfect mate.
    Moose1123's Avatar
    Moose1123 Posts: 33, Reputation: 4
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    #7

    Jun 5, 2008, 12:36 PM
    If you have full custody of your kids and a court order for the new husband to stay away, then he is not a part of your lives now. He is a part of your ex wife's life. You do not have to accept him. You do not have to let your kids around him. Full custody is full custody. You make the decisions. If their mother wishes to see the kids it is on your terms not hers. She can take you to court to request partial custody. Does she have any visitation rights? If so since you have a court order that states he must stay away... then he must stay away. You can request supervised visits. Your kids come first.
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