[mistymemo]

I really need some good advice as I am really struggling to cope with this break up.I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and been through our fair share of ups and downs. In those five years we have broken up and then got back together as we would usually realise after a few weeks that we can't be without each other. This break up however seems so real and is painfully tearing me inside.
Last Sunday at 11pm me and my boyfriend (can't bring myself to say ex yet) got into a silly fight over him ruining my clothes in the washing machine. It escalated into a physical fight where he hit me first then I started hitting him back. I was so angry with him I told him to leave the house but he kept refusing saying 'Make me'. I eventually called up my friend in front of him and told her I wanted to call the police to get him out of my house. She then called the police herself as in the past he had lost his temper and sometimes hit me (and I had told her this numerous times) but then apologised but only because I started the fights and would push him to see how far I could make him snap. She had always told me that if I ever called her upset saying he had hit me then she would call the police. So when she told me the police were on their way I told him to leave the house as I didn't want him to get into trouble but he still kept refusing saying 'They'll take one look at you and think YOU'RE crazy'. Well the Police arrived and questioned both him and me where I told him we had both hit each other and I just wanted him to go home. When they heard he had hit me they arrested him and took him to the station where he was released 14 hours later without any charges as I had refused to charge him as we both were to blame and the fight had just got out of hand. He refused to speak to me after that and today (wed) as I was walking to the bus stop I saw him there so went up to him to talk to him that I had no say in him being taken away but he stood there silent. I asked him what was going to happen now between us but still no answer and in the end he took out his mobile and dialled for the police. He told them I was harassing him and wanted to put it on record. He then started walking to a nearby police station where I followed utterly in shock that he was doing this to me and we both gave our sides of the story of what happened on Sunday night, with him accusing me of having him arrested for common assault and me explaining that I hadn't called the police and I had told them to place no charges but to tell him to go home. The police officer eventually spoke to him where my boyfriend told him that I was not to contact, text or call him and that the relationship was definitely over.
I am still in shock and numb by this. We have been together for 5 years and I can't understand how he feels that I would say or do anything to make the police take him away. The polcie officer even told me that the reason he was being taken away was to diffuse the tense situation and calm each one of us down. I am so upset and haven't eaten since Monday. I keep hoping that he is still raw and angry about Mon which is why he went through extremties to say I was harassing him (even the officer understood I was trying to talk to him not harass him) but I feel like this is finally a real break up and I need to start preparing myself to grieve. Please can someone explain to me why he would feel so angry towards me and whether he needs some time to calm down. Thank you.

[debbied1]

I really need some good advice as I am really struggling to cope with this break up.I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and been through our fair share of ups and downs. In those five years we have broken up and then got back together as we would usually realise after a few weeks that we can't be without each other. This break up however seems so real and is painfully tearing me inside.
Last Sunday at 11pm me and my boyfriend (can't bring myself to say ex yet) got into a silly fight over him ruining my clothes in the washing machine. It escalated into a physical fight where he hit me first then I started hitting him back. I was so angry with him I told him to leave the house but he kept refusing saying 'Make me'. I eventually called up my friend in front of him and told her I wanted to call the police to get him out of my house. She then called the police herself as in the past he had lost his temper and sometimes hit me (and I had told her this numerous times) but then apologised but only because I started the fights and would push him to see how far I could make him snap. She had always told me that if I ever called her upset saying he had hit me then she would call the police. So when she told me the police were on their way I told him to leave the house as I didnt want him to get into trouble but he still kept refusing saying 'They'll take one look at you and think YOU'RE crazy'. Well the Police arrived and questioned both him and me where I told him we had both hit each other and I just wanted him to go home. When they heard he had hit me they arrested him and took him to the station where he was released 14 hours later without any charges as I had refused to charge him as we both were to blame and the fight had just got out of hand. He refused to speak to me after that and today (wed) as I was walking to the bus stop I saw him there so went up to him to talk to him that I had no say in him being taken away but he stood there silent. I asked him what was going to happen now between us but still no answer and in the end he took out his mobile and dialled for the police. He told them I was harrasing him and wanted to put it on record. He then started walking to a nearby police station where I followed utterly in shock that he was doing this to me and we both gave our sides of the story of what happened on Sunday night, with him accusing me of having him arrested for common assault and me explaining that I hadnt called the police and I had told them to place no charges but to tell him to go home. The police officer eventually spoke to him where my bf told him that I was not to contact, text or call him and that the relationship was definately over.
I am still in shock and numb by this. We have been together for 5 years and I can't understand how he feels that I would say or do anything to make the police take him away. The polcie officer even told me that the reason he was being taken away was to diffuse the tense situation and calm each one of us down. I am so upset and havent eaten since Monday. I keep hoping that he is still raw and angry about Mon which is why he went through extremties to say I was harrasing him (even the officer understood I was trying to talk to him not harras him) but I feel like this is finally a real break up and I need to start preparing myself to grieve. Please can someone explain to me why he would feel so angry towards me and whether he needs some time to calm down. Thank you.

MistyMemo- You like drama.. You stay with this guy and that's all you will have. There is a happy life waiting for you and its not with this guy. You have no kids? You're not married.. Can't you see this is unhealthy?? Move on and forget him. You'll be doing him a favor too. You love him? Move on... This will never work. Not now.. He will hit you again I promise. How old are you?

[progunr]

Any man, and I use the term loosely, who will hit a woman, is a coward.

I had a girlfriend as a teen, who hauled off and punched me, right where it counts.

I almost hit her back.

The key word here being, ALMOST!

Let him go and move on, you'll be better off without him.

[bushg]

I know right now you are feeling total fear that you have lost him, but sadly he will more than likely come back. My opinion is that he is just punishing you for actually letting it go this far. It really doesn't matter who hit first, the fact is that both of you are abusing each other and some day it may go to far and one of you ends up dead.

Something in your childhood set you up to be in a relationship like this, it is up to you to figure it out. He can't help you because he is in the same boat.
Here is a phone number where people can help you Domestic abuse hotline 1 800 799-7233 also try your area, find some meetings you will learn a lot from these wonderful people.

You don't need a man to make you feel worth something, everything you need is inside you. Good Luck

[talaniman]

If you continue this relationship, you'll get more of the same and it will get worse.

[liz28]

Right now your havings conflicted feeling about it being over because of your past together but this relationship was very unhealthy and soon you will realize that. Do you watch the news and see what happen to females in this dangerous situation? The ending is sometimes deadly and you should love yourself better and want more. A guy that's hits you don't love you because they never would want to inflict bodily harm to you. It seems that your both had anger issues and his turn physical. You should never want to push someone over the edge for them to snap, why do you feel the need to do that? It over so stop contacted him before you find yourself in court, crimal or civil, and move on with your life. Learn to control your anger and never allow yourself to be anyone punching bag, they have gyms for that. Don't focus on any good times because that what females do, your friend is there for you so lean on her for support because she was a true friend. Enjoy your life and choke this up as a lesson learned and never allowed this to happen again and remember all guys won't treat you this way. Realize the relationship is over is to start using the word ex not buyfriend because he's no longer that. Don't live in the past otherwise you would start obbesiving over him and that leads to stalking.

[concernedmom26]

I have been there... and it only gets worse... the last time he drug me out to a field to kill me luckily some smart thinking got me safe. I said the same thing as you to justify it... life is too short to wait for it to get better, you will never stop loving him, but is for both your well beings that you stay apart... wishing you the best... and him a future which is less dramatic.

[got_scifi]

Hmm.
Sleeping in the bed we made are we?
You want to push him to see how far he'll go.. to make him snap, and then toss a fit when he does?
Are you kidding me?
What are you 3?
You want advice? Here it is: Think before you act. You claim to love this man, but treat him like he's your personal play ground. Think about that. Hard.
Learn what the word 'considersation' is and try to put it to use daily.
Don't stalk people when they're in the middle of calling the cops on you. For obvious reasons.

Eh, I suppose I should tell you something nice now just to even things up.
I dated this man for a few years off and on and known him for 10 years now. Well it was a screwed up relationship we were.. well it was just baaaad. We broke up -time passes- met up and the second I saw him -and vise versa- I melted and we've been together ever since. We just needed the years apart to get our stuff together, to grow up and well... now we've been together for 2 years and it's a good and healthy relationship.

You can go, and toss fits, cry yell and all that stuff, sure and maybe you'll get him back, but.. it'll be the same BS non-realtionship that you had before.
Take time.
Fix yourself and see if he's what you really want.
Other than that...
Do what you will.

[TrueFaith]

Look at yourself..

You are not happy. Leave this guy.

If you go on with this relationship

You will both end up hurting yourselves more and more.

Something's in this life are worth fighting for.

A bad relationship.. (is not one of them)