[Fixer12]

Ok its been basically 2 months now since we have broken up. I haven't been on here in basically a week now. But I find myself wondering some more questions.
When I have alone time... I don't want to be alone I had gotten so used to always having someone to talk to, always having some to look forward to doing when we were dating. Now I have nothing to important to look forward too.
I tell myself I miss the memories I miss the feelings, which I do, it helps me bring myslef back up to want to get in another relationship at sometime. When I actually sit back and think about it... I hated a lot of things about being in that relationship... fighting almost everyday and only looking forward to seeing each other once or twice a month when I was able to come home for 2 days. You would think over time I would have developed a feeling of being able to let go even easier.
We had spent the whole summer together, I have up all my plans so I can spend them with her. I now regret getting back together now that I knew this would happen.
I have been working on myself appearance everday day since we broke up. Eating healthier going to the gym, being very pro-active with friends and on my own. I don't feel like girls notice me more. I still feel completely nervous like I did talking to them when I had a girlfriend.
I want to find someone new... but I'm not sure on how long its going to take for all these feelings to just go away for ever. I can get myself through the day no problem now. It's only when I'm alone or slow down that my mind does too. She has had someone new for almost 2 months as well, and has been with several guys in between.
She for some reason still writes me emails saying stuff like "oh i just wanted to see how you were, i miss you alot. I want to see you. I still love you." Even though she has a boyfriend. I kind of figured that she is wanting me to be there for when I either come home or when her relationship goes bad. I don't want to be there!
It's about a month away from the point where I go home for Thanksgiving break. I am extreamly nervous. I haven't been home since the break up, and I know she will end up seeing me or my car cause one of my good friends lives right down the street. I don't mind seeing her, but I would just hope that the feelings will go away.
I always thought in the beginning that after 2 months I would feel 100% again... I feel like I was kidding myself. Yes I have made awesome improvement, but why is it I miss so much just having someone always around and I feel like I need it al the time. If anyone can just lend some advice on all the things I just talked about it would be great. :)

[Ash123]

No one gets 100% closure in 2 months if they were hurt by someone they care about.
But they do begin to get a clearer head.

It's basc detox science... You need to hold out and let your body not seek chemical gratification in her form... it takes a while to break... Every month you get closer!
You may not be sure why or how - but it's happening... Keep busy and PLEASE do not beat yourself up - you are normal... it's OK to hurt still...


Finally, the LESS you know about her the better you can heal. There is no perfect formula - and some people need to go back and write and call and visit, and others walk on... the latter usually gets you "there" more quick.

[Fixer12]

Your right the less I know about her the better. Thankfully being in a new town makes it easier
I guess with feeling better, I just feel like I should because she has already had another boyfriend since 2 weeks after we broke up. I guess I just feel like wow if she can already have another boyfriend... why can't I have a girlfriend yet? Can't find many girls who are remotely interested in me. (that I know of)
I guess I feel like I am supposed to meet up to all of her standards. I know there are things in my life that are a lot better then in hers. I mean I have a lot more new friends now... she has her boyfriend and a few others... but other then that... that's all

[smoothy]

No one gets 100% closure in 2 months if they were hurt by someone they care about.
But they do begin to get a clearer head.

It's basc detox science....You need to hold out and let your body not seek chemical gratification in her form....it takes a while to break....Every month you get closer!!
You may not be sure why or how - but it's happening....Keep busy and PLEASE do not beat yourself up - you are normal...it's ok to hurt still....


Finally, the LESS you know about her the better you can heal. There is no perfect formula - and some people need to go back and write and call and visit, and others walk on.....the latter usually gets you "there" quicker.

I'll second this advice. While everyone is a little different, this is something that will work best for most people. And by that I mean help you move on with the least pain.

[Fixer12]

So, if any of you had read my previous posts. I had been through a break up for 2 months. She and I had broken up and gotten back together twice before, because she believed things would get better. We had dated for over a year in general. I know in my heart I would always love her. We got through almost the entire 1st year, and then we got back together when I went home for the summer. Things went well. We recently broke up when I left for college for the 2nd year.
When we had broken up she already had another boyfriend 2 weeks later. They had slept together and what not. She also before that had a one night stand type thing with another guy before her boyfriend.
So basically after not talking much after 2 months, she comes back into my life saying that she loves me and realizes that she wants to be with me and only me. I told her she needs to clean up her life first, because she wasn't like that when we first started dating. She knew from the beginning that she needed to clean up her life. I have told her that I would help her get her life on track but only as a friend. I do go home in the next 3 weeks, and she wants to hang out and see me. I told her she needs to be single for a long enough time to realize what it's like again. I want to believe that she will clean everything up. I forgive her for the things she does. But I don't want to get hurt again. I love her in my heart and I always will.
I am trying to keep up the whole "defensive barier" to keep my heart safe, but the more I talk to her again the more my feelings come back. I don't want to get hurt again... My heart is so lost in what to do. I want to help her get everything back on track... and she feels that if she does this, that we will get back together... and if she actually does get things fixed in her life this time... yes I would consider it. Unfortunitly cause of the past break up's my parents completely hate her. Some of my so called "friends" do too. I don't want ot get hurt, but if she truly changes It would be nice. But how do I know the truth from bad anymore?
Any advice would be great.

[needofhelp]

I first want to say, your so called "friends" probably have your best interest in mind. They may not like or approve of her because of she treated/affected you. I don't know the situation between you and your friends, but friends are going to be there for you no matter what. Don't go questioning if they are your friends, just because they may not have the highest opinion of your ex.
I sympathize with your dilemma. It's natural to put up that barrier to protect yourself. I would have one too. Don't rush into it. Your heart and emotions may get the better of you. You need to think with your mind and weigh the consequences. Think how much progress you have made to get where you are.

[Fixer12]

Yea, I know they do. Some of them are good friends for that reason. Thank you very much. I need to stand up for myself, not just let myself get walked all over every time she is single and lonely

[Fixer12]

All right it has been about 2 1/2 months since I broke up with my ex. NC is going... OK. Last week she tried to bring me back into her life when she had broken up with her boyfriend (which was only for the weekend it turned out).

I have been going out spending a lot of time with my friends. It keeps my mind busy from thinking bad things. Even though I have developed this way of doing everything in my day with always thinking about her in the back of my mind. I hate it. I don't know how to stop it

Along side with this problem. Every night I have dreams about her. Usually they are of us being together. I can't get them to stop! I don't know why I am having them, it makes it so much harder, and unrelaxing to sleep. Why am I having these dreams?

[melisskah]

ITS JUST A DREAM! I don't know your situation or why you and your ex broke off but it was obviously for the best and now its been 2 months or so and you're doing so well, getting back out there, hanging out with your friends and now she's broke of with her current boyfriend and she wants to get in touch!! That's just wrong, keep being strong with the N/C and let her go find another shoulder to lean on about her relationship problems etc.

As for your dreams, THEY ARE JUST DREAMS, I'm sure a lot of people have those dreams when they come out of a relationship, I did... but they are just dreams, try taking a sleeping pill, I mean one! Lol it might help you sleep better or light some lavender candles before you go to bed, it might work and it's quite relaxing ;p

[SAB123]

The dreams will slowly go away in time. When my ex broke up with me in the beginning of year it took me about 7 months for the dreams to completely go away.

[enigmagnetic]

Alright it has been about 2 1/2 months since i broke up with my ex. NC is going... ok. last week she tried to bring me back into her life when she had broken up with her boyfriend (which was only for the weekend it turned out).

I have been going out spending alot of time with my friends. It keeps my mind busy from thinking bad things. Even though i have developed this way of doing everything in my day with always thinking about her in the back of my mind. I hate it. i dont know how to stop it

Along side with this problem. Every night i have dreams about her. Usually they are of us being together. I can't get them to stop! I dont know why i am having them, it makes it so much harder, and unrelaxing to sleep. Why am i having these dreams?

Yeah the stopped around month 4 for me. I remember I would wake up in sweats in the middle of the night with thoughts of another man touching her. It passes. Keep up the no contact though or it won't pass.

[Fixer12]

Yea. I have been doing pretty well with no contact so far. I still freak out if she is talking with my friends and stuff though. Sometimes that is what my dreams end up being about. Im pretty much ready for everything to be better. I was doing really well. I guess I just thought by this time in my life... everything would be 100% better. I guess I was wrong

[Fixer12]

All right. So if any of you have read my posts before in the past you might have a slight idea about what is going on. I had started dating this girl my senior year of high school when she was a freshman. Now I am a 2nd semester sophomore in college, and she is a jr. in high school. I know to most of you this may sounds obvious on why thing's didn't work between us.

So we had bene in a relationship where we had gotten together and broke up about 4-5 times in the past, all because of her saying ether, "she coudln't handle the distance" or something else. So we had been moving back and forth between a long distance relationship. When I first went down to school we both had some adjusting to do, but we actually did a really good job for the whole first semester, things had gone well and I had came up and seen her every few weeks or so.

The 2nd semester things didn't go to well... we were fighting all the time, she was really stuggeling by not having a boyfriend who wasn't around all the time. I had told her we already came this far lets wait because soon I'll be home for the summer. Well about a month before I came home for the summer she and her family had to come down to a town near my school for her sisters volleyball game. I went to go see her, but she had already met and made out with another guy within the week or so we had broken up. That is just the beginning.

So I went back to my school in tears, I waited the next 2 long miserrable weeks out to go home. When I went home she and I kind of talked a little bit because she knew I was home, but then about 2 weeks into the summer she had said she wanted to try and make things work. During the 2-3 weeks we weren't together she had dated someone else and got pretty serious, she claims that she was "raped" by him at one point, but I believe she just didn't want to tell the truth about what was going on. I forgave her for everything that had happened and we spent the rest of our summer fixing our relationship. Things were actually back to the way they once were.

SO when it came down and was time for me to go to school again 2 days after I left she said she couldn't be with me. Told me all these stupid reasons like she wanted to be able to have more time for her friends, wanted to start new acting things, and school was more important. I tried my best to understand. Well we both struggled about what was going on. She and I still talked about wanting to be together at some point, but she was with a new boyfriend right away who was her age. He always stayed at her house cause her parents didn't care. They had already been sleeping together. For some reason she left like she wanted to be with me at times

So after about 3 months I came home for Thanksgiving. I was only home for like 4 days, she said she wanted to make things work cause she had broken up with her boyfriend because they were always fighting. So she and I hung out and resparked some stuff. Then after going back down to school after about 2 weeks in she decided she wanted to be with her ex again. She said I couldn't trust her enough, because all I had asked her to do was to not talk to her ex. She said I was being to controlling and over protective. I was upset cause I knew in about a week and a half I was going to come home for an entire month.

Well I came home within the first night of being home she and I went out for a drive and she had started crying and said she wanted things to work out. She realized she loved me a lot more then she ever loved her ex, so I told her we would let things work. I told her in the beginning I didn't trust her at all. It would take a very long time before I was able too. She said she understood and that everything would be fine. She had a week to go with school and then she was on break.

After about 6 days of us working things out, she had texted me at work saying she was "thinking." I had to play 20 questions with her till I figured out what she was thinking about. She told me she wasn't over her ex and that it wasn't fair to me. I already knew she wasn't because every time we were together they were always texting each other. About stuff too that she didn't know anything about... which I'm sure she did. She would get texts from her saying, "oh i'll give you until sunday."I had asked her about them, she said she had no idea. Also there was a rumor going around that she had hooked up with this other guy when she was single... for that like day. She had gotten a text from him saying... "i thought you siad you might date me?" She had told me I was over reacting when I got upset and that it was probably meant for someone else.

I asked her nicely to just stop texting these guys cause I was feling really uncomfortable and it was causing us to constantly fight. Not only were we fighting I had to lie to my parents to go hang out with her... given yes I am in college, but my parents didn't want me seeing her because I kept going back to her. I had given her a ride to school on Friday (today being sunday) and ever since then I haven't heard from her. She was always causing me to worry about what she was doing or what was going on. She was telling me I was being immature by not wanting her to text guys all the time. I told her I could work around it if she proved to me what she was telling them was true. Sometimes she would other times she would just take her phone away or get upset with me if I asked.

So I am at the point I haven't talked to her in like 3 days. It feels weird all the other times we had broken up we still texted for a while then stopped. I am afraid of running into her around town seeing her back with her ex again even though when we broke up she told me (im going to be single I don't want to be with him yet). Yet to find out that night they were back together. Thankfully she said she agreed to stay away from my work until I go back down to school. This is the last time I will be home in this town for my parents are moving. I may come up for a few days, but not as much as I ever will.

So what do I do now? Do I just let her go... she hurt me a lot, but sometimes it was nice the way she did treat me when things were going well. I want to text her but I feel like I shoudn't. I am afraid of moving on. I am sad and depressed while she is off with another guy feeling completely fine... or at least acting like it. I don't know what to do. Was I really that immauture as she said, did I really do something wrong by not trusting her right away?

[aiyerrc]

Holy christ dude, you are getting used, played, abused in everyway a relationship can possibley do it to someone. She wants to work things out every time you are in town because you are there, and she wants sex. She sounds like a whore to me. I can almost guarantee more times than not, she was still dating these other guys every time you came in town.. not only that, but you are wasting the best years of your life, COLLEGE, on some immature little high school slut... sorry to be blunt, but you need to move on and completely go no contact with this girl

There are so many girls in college waiting for relationships, one night stands, 2 week flings, etc, that I don't even know what to do with them.

END THIS NOW, learn from it and don't ever let any girl play with you as much as this girl did. I'm sure love blinded you every time she wanted to get back with her, and that's understandable, but 5 times is enough, especially with all these other guys she talks to.

Please man, for all our sakes and most importantly yours, drop this girl. It will make you stronger and allow you to have a normal relationship with a girl your age and at your maturity level...

Moral of the story: drop her now, no contact whatsoever. It will be easy because you are moving and you go to college...

Good luck man, no girl is worth what she put you through

[Fixer12]

I agree. Thank's a lot your right I don't deserve to go through all of this crap. I guess a lot of it was the fact that she controlled me a lot more then I controlled her.

I am going to continue with no contact. It just gets hard sometimes especially when I am bored. I got so used to always having someone around.

[aiyerrc]

The thing about it though, is that even though it may take time, you will find someone to have around that doesn't lie, deceive, or do anything your ex has put you through over the last several months. The more you try to figure out what she's thinking or if she's going to come back think of this.. she has come back 5 times, and with each breakup, you feel a bit worse than the last. All getting back with her will do is setup number 6. I know you can do so much better. The second you stop worrying about her and stop trying to look for someone that will replace her, you will find someone who makes you feel right. It may last a week, you may marry the girl, but the harder we look the less we find

The week I stopped looking to make every girl my potential GF, I found the girl I'm still seeing now. Have fun with college man, you will be missing those years down the road.. dont waste college on high school drama. Have fun man, its what its all about

And if your not in a fraternity... RUSH ONE! Best decision of my life, countless sorority girls and tons of guy friends. A great thing to get your mind off what's eating at you right now. Rush starts in the spring... I think you should go for it!

Good luck!

[Fixer12]

That's true. I remember when I even met her I wasn't looking for love. I think I need to just focus again on what I want in life. Because of being with her I had stopped hanging out with the people that actually cared about me, and stopped doing the things I had wanted to do.

I always sacrificed my time to be with her.

[talaniman]

Don't be so hard on yourself as we all have played the fool. Forgive yourself, and chalk it up to experience. You'll be all right if you just have fun with good people.

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

Dude:

The advice that you are getting here is right on. You have been dealing with a little girl. You are in College. I would give my left nut to be back in college and age 20 again.

I was in a frat and also worked at the local pub (hell most of these guys are still my friends some 20 years later). I had more women than I knew what to do with.

When you hang out with a really nice girl you will notice the difference. Limited drama, trust, believe me you have been through a nightmare. I really feel for you, but experience someone new, it might not be the next one, but you will see that a relationship that is good is easy.

[George_1950]

"I know to most of you this may sounds obvious on why thing's didnt work between us." You are right there.

"When you hang out with a really nice girl you will notice the difference." LivingtheLifeinFLA Tell it, brother.

She's playing you like a cat does a mouse. Get over her, ASAP.