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Miss_Queen · May 1, 2008, 08:50 PM

Lately, my life is becoming out of control. The people who I thought were my friends have left me by myself and stopped contacting me, for no reason. The girl who I thought was my best friend, stopped contacting me since I don't drive her around anymore. I feel like I am missing out on life because I worry about everything. Although I have always been independent, it is difficult not having a close friend to be with. My Mothers boyfriend pushes me around, and my mother doesn't stand up for me. She calls me mean names like "Crack whore, Coke Sniffing skank, crazy B***h, etc. I have never done drugs in my life, ever. I feel like I;m losing my mom and no matter how hard I try I can't make her happy. Growing up, she left me alone all the time, and now that I would like to go out once in a while, she has made me have aniexty issues over every thing I do. WhenI confront her maturly, she just calls me a whiner and tells me I'm crazy, then she runs away, when I'm trying to be mature about it.

I am a very responsible young woman. I have been working since I was 14, I get pretty good grades and I have a car. I follow the rules and stay out of trouble. I don't know where it is coming from, but I have no desire to do anything anymore. I sleep about 10-15 hours a day, because I have nothing else to do. Being like this has changed my relationship with my boyfriend of seven months, because my negative attitude makes him not want to be around me. It is difficult to control my radical mood swings and it is bringing my life down. My Mother says it because the death of my dad, who passed when I was twelve. My daddy was my best friend, and I witnessed him die of a cocaine overdose.
I have learned to deal with these issues, so I don't think that is the cause of my moods.

It is so frusterating not having any friends or anything to look forward to. I have really low self esteem that I hide with 10 pounds of make up and half a can of hairspray. At first I thought I was only feeling sorry for myself, but I have thought about suicide and I have harmed myself. Life seems pointless and stupid. I am constantly crying and I don't know what to do to make it better. I always have a hurting feeling inside me that won't go away. I am not stuck up or prissy, so I don't understand why I can't connect with others. I'm tired of feeling like this all of the time and I wish the pain would just disappear.

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Alty · May 1, 2008, 09:42 PM

Sweetie, it's time to see a therapist, it really is. I would also look in to going on an antidepressant, talk to your doctor and or therapist about this.

I would love to tell you how to be happy again, but I don't know enough about you and your situation, also, I'm not a therapist or a counsellor, just someone who is concerned for you and the way that you are feeling.

It's time to get some professional help honey, and that's nothing to be ashamed of, we all have things in our lives that we need to deal with, sometimes we need a little help.

Take care of yourself and get therapy.

Good Luck.

jrebel7 · May 1, 2008, 09:47 PM

First let me say, by posting here, you are taking an active step forward and that is great! I am so sorry for the emotional pain you are feeling. It is not real unusual for lots of people to go through times of depression at any age but once you are in a circle of depression, it is difficult to break through that.

Please make an appointment with a family physician or a clinic, whatever medical help is available to you. Ask them to do blood work to see if you might need some anti-depressants just for a short time to break through this time. Meantime, don't give up and please don't shut others out that try to encourage you or help you.

There will be people on here that can help you much better than I. I just wanted you to know we are reading your post and there are so many warm people here that can give you great suggestions and help. Hang in there! Keep posting. It might take a bit for others to see your post but they will. Don't be discouraged! Looking forward to hearing great things from you in the future. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I am proud of you for reaching out! Best to you!

Choux · May 2, 2008, 03:47 PM

I am not sure how old you are... but let me say that you have to get some help with your emotions from a trained professional so these negative feelings don't get too entrenched.

One way to get a referral is through your family physician. If you are in school, through a counsellor or the dean of women.

I want you to understand that problems that seem insurmountable and overwhelming negative emotions can be overcome... a person can have an entirely different life in a year!

Life is part suffering for all people whether they admit it or not... riding through the difficult times is well worth it when one comes out on the other side. :)

Miss_Queen · May 6, 2008, 06:22 PM

Thank-you everybody. My consuellor has recommended I talk to my physican about anti-depressents, so I will visit her this week. I appreciate that you took thetime to read my post, and I know that I am not alone, one in four people go through depression.

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jrebel7 · May 6, 2008, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by Miss_Queen

Thank-you everybody. My consuellor has recommended i talk to my physican about anti-depressents, so i will visit her this week. I appreciate that you took thetime to read my post, and i know that I am not alone, one in four people go through depression.

<3

That is such a great news. I am so proud of you! Please keep in touch and update us on how you are doing from time to time. Most of us here probably have a story we could share regarding depression. You are not alone. Hang in there and post anytime you want or need to and someone will be here for you! Blessings! :p

Alty · May 6, 2008, 06:32 PM

Honey, I've been on anti-depressants for 7 years now, and more than half of my friends are on them too. You are right, depression is fairly common, some people only have to deal with it for a short time, for others it's a chemical imbalance that needs medication in order to function normally. You are doing the right thing and the best thing.

Remember, if you want to talk we're here.

cozyk · May 7, 2008, 07:43 AM

I have been through what you are describing. It's been much better since I've been on zoloft.
Some people only need it for a short while and some people (like me) need something for their entire life. I've been on antidepressants for about 10 years. I have "dysthymia". It is a constant low grade depression caused by my low levels of serotonin. I'm glad that you are doing something about this. You don't have to feel like this. I pray that you feel much better soon.

Handyman2007 · May 8, 2008, 06:59 PM

I have been taking Paxil (antuidepressant) for almost 20 years now. It changed my life. I will not tell you that I do not have bad days , because that would be a lie. We must go on with our lives. When people , whom you refer to as friends , just seem to disappear, well then doesn't tall you something about their "friendship"?
People will come and go in our lives and as we get older , there will only be a few really 'close" friends. That is normal.
When I was in high school, I was a musician in a rock band and extremely popular. My Dad always said to me that "20 years from now, you will be lucky if 5 of those "friends of yours" will even be in your life." He was absolutely correct. But the ones that are still in my life are true friends. YOu will be fine. See your Dr, and see your therapist on a regular basis. Good Luck to you...

Miss_Queen · May 9, 2008, 01:16 PM

I can't say thank you enough to all who replied. At first when my therapist recommended anti-depressants, I felt like a sick-weirdo, but I know that I am not alone, and that there are lots of people that use them. I thnik you are all wonderful people to reach out for me, a stranger in need.

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jrebel7 · May 9, 2008, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by Miss_Queen

I can;t say thank you enough to all who replied. At first when my therapist recommended anti-depressants, i felt like a sick-weirdo, but i know that I am not alone, and that there are lots of people that use them. I thnik you are all wonderful people to reach out for me, a stranger in need.

<3

There has been a stigma of sorts that stems from years of just not having enough medical information being given to the public. If your body does not manufacture enough of certain chemicals in the brain, it causes depression and other problems. But with all the information available now, there should never again be any stigma attached to taking antidepressants.

I am just happy you are getting help and encouragement here. :)
Keep in touch!

dkburnell · May 9, 2008, 03:25 PM

I am glad to see that you are getting help. I felt the same way before seeking help from my doctor. I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you are in high school. Remember this, you have to love yourself first and worry about yourself first before you can love or worry about anyone else. My high school friends came and went. Trust me, you will make lifelong friends as you get older. It troubles me about the names your Mom called you. That shouldn't be happening. Adults don't always make good decisions. I teach high school and I see it all the time. We all have our demons. Just remember that you are in charge of your emotions; not Mom. Mom's boyfriend or your boyfriend. It sounds like your smart and a good student. Keep working hard and set your goals for a good post secondary school. Do you have a teacher or counselor you could talk to? It would help. Good Luck to you. :)