[CluesslySmart]

So my step mom might not be abusing me or anything but she is a major . Before you laugh and mutter "silly girl, You don’t know how good you've got it" listen to my story please. My dad was happily married to my stepmom, lets call her Jane. My real parents are divorced so I only see my dad two times a year, summer break and winter break. Well one time I come out there and "poof!" she's gone and they’re "separated" Suddenly he introduces his new "friend" and tries to give me all these reasons to like her and why she’s such a good friend. I was stupid so I believed him. However the friend came with baggage, a six year old daughter, lets call her marcy, and the friend laura. So jane is gone and laura and marcy spend every waking moment at our house. Though she slept over often and in his bed, I didn’t quite catch on until that one horrible, dreadful night. Yes you guessed. About 12:00 am I heard them. They were louuuddd (she was obviously faking) I became emotionally unstable and freaked out and I went in the bathroom and cried and almost threw up and they just kept on going and no matter were I went I could still here them and I wondered why marcy didn’t wake up. I tried o get them to stop by knocking on the door and asking if everything was all right because it sounded like someone 'crying" my dad said oh yeah they were just talking and listening to the radio. Well hell i didn’t know songs with that kind of content were played on the radio. I couldn't summon the guts to talk to my dad so i told my only friend in my dads state (most of my friends are in my moms state) my cousin, let’s call her karen. Talking about it made me feel a little better but i couldn’t tell my dad. They did it about three more times went i gave up and called my mom on the phone. She told him about it and he promised to stop. it took about 12 more nights of torture and 5 more of my moms phone calls to seriously get them to stop. When i realized i had a secret weapon. My grandma is a die hard Christian and because my dad wasn’t legally divorced and she was still totally married, it was adultery. i told her about what he dud and guess was she did?? She just laughed and told me how funny i was. Wow. Thank god by now they’ve stopped doing it when I’m in the house, but I’m ruined and i can go sleep at his house anymore without straining my ears and praying i don’t actually hear what I’m listening for. my dad now wants me to bond with her and love her but its hard for me because she replaced my stepmom who i loved, plus because of what i "heard" I try to like her and be nice but its really hard and there is lot of problems between us four because of it. He says I should love her because she makes him happy, does anyone have any advice for how I can love her? Please help. Its almost summer and ill have to go out there and see her. She's mean to me when I try to be nice. And vice versa.

[justcurious55]

How old are you anyway? If you're old enough to understand what they're doing in the bedroom aren't you old enough to confront your dad about it and ask him yourself to keep it down?

Is there more to this? I understand that a new person in the house is difficult but not liking her because your dad chose her to replace "jane" and is sleeping with her doesn't seem like a good reason for you two not to get along.

[djsk]

So my step mom might not be abusing me or anything but she is a major . before u laugh and mutter "silly girl, You don’t know how good you've got it" listen to my story please. My dad was happily married to my stepmom, lets call her Jane. My real parents are divorced so i only see my dad two times a year, summer break and winter break. Well one time i come out there and "poof!" she's gone and they’re "separated" Suddenly he introduces his new "friend" and tries to give me all these reasons to like her and why she’s such a good friend. I was stupid so i believed him. However the friend came with baggage, a six year old daughter, lets call her marcy, and the friend laura. So jane is gone and laura and marcy spend every waking moment at our house. Though she slept over often and in his bed, i didn’t quite catch on until that one horrible, dreadful night. Yes you guessed. About 12:00 am i heard them. they were louuuddd (she was obviously faking) i became emotionally unstable and freaked out and i went in the bathroom and cried and almost threw up and they just kept on going and no matter were i went i could still here them and i wondered why marcy didn’t wake up. I tried o get them to stop by knocking on the door and asking if everything was all right because it sounded like someone 'crying" my dad said oh yeah they were just talking and listening to the radio. Well hell i didn’t know songs with that kind of content were played on the radio. I couldn't summon the guts to talk to my dad so i told my only friend in my dads state (most of my friends are in my moms state) my cousin, let’s call her karen. Talking about it made me feel a little better but i couldn’t tell my dad. They did it about three more times went i gave up and called my mom on the phone. She told him about it and he promised to stop. it took about 12 more nights of torture and 5 more of my moms phone calls to seriously get them to stop. When i realized i had a secret weapon. My grandma is a die hard Christian and because my dad wasn’t legally divorced and she was still totally married, it was adultery. i told her about what he dud and guess was she did?? She just laughed and told me how funny i was. Wow. Thank god by now they’ve stopped doing it when I’m in the house, but I’m ruined and i can go sleep at his house anymore without straining my ears and praying i don’t actually hear what I’m listening for. my dad now wants me to bond with her and love her but its hard for me because she replaced my stepmom who i loved, plus because of what i "heard" i try to like her and be nice but its really hard and there is lot of problems between us four because of it. he says i should love her because she makes him happy, does anyone have any advice for how i can love her? Please help. Its almost summer and ill have to go out there and see her. She's mean to me when I try to be nice. And vice versa.

Hey I understand what your going through!
But there's things in life that only god knows
I'm sorry 4 your parents divorce but mybe its for the best
I understand that the facted you witnessed your step mom & your father in action
U should understand that it's a part of life
Do your best this summer to get involved with your step-mom even if she's mean
Open up to her and allow her to know how you feel if she's mean or says something wrong
Don't fight back and tell your dad well I hope this helps u
Love a friend!:)

[GoldenFleece]

I grew up as a stepdaughter in my fathers house, and looking back... I came to my own conclusions on the conflict that happens with the girlfriend/stepmom--vs daughter scenario.

Because divorce is such the norm the stepdaughter is the natural threat/ target on some level to the new girlfriend/stepmom. Think about it. You will always be your father's daughter... she could be divorced, or become the ex girlfriend, and out of the picture. Also, you are a reminder of the ex wife to her as well, and whether she acknowledges it, is a psychological threat to her.

Also, feelings of loyalty are likely what are making you sick at heart right now, that is natural. It is also natural that parents can fight each other through their kids. Be careful of parents pulling you back & forth with the loyalties...

It may seem difficult as you probably want to react on your feelings, but "kill her with kindness" and give her no opportunity or excuse to say you are disrespectful or talk back to her.

Also, how tacky, rude and crude of your father to be so careless and loud when you are in earshot of their nocturnal activity. Especially since you only see him twice a year! I hope for your sake he is better behaved during the day, and shows you he cares about your feelings.

I would talk to your father about how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Be upfront, how awkward, but hopefully you mentioning it would make him feel embarrassed enough to behave and be a considerate adult.

Talk to a trusted friend that isn't going to automatically go behind your back and talk to your stepmom about everything you say. ( I used to go to my neighbor lady friend, only to find that everything I said got right back to step mom!)

I'd advise you not to get caught up in a tit for tat with her, especially try to have another person around as witness if you feel she is trying to push your buttons. Fathers can become blind to what the step mom does to their daughters sadly. If things get so uncomfortable for you, avoid contact and try to be away until it is time for you to go to bed. I did this as a way to avoid mine. I found that conversations would get twisted and I couldn't win. To this day the woman makes my stomach turn, but I will not let her see me squirm! I need to be nice to her so that I can have a relationship with my dad.

Kill her with kindness, don't give her an opportunity to say that you acted out or did something disrespectful...

From what I got from your post, further on down the road,. pay attention to how your father handles his relationship(s)? Eventually people's true colors come out, and if your father stays with someone that is rude, emotionally abusive, and or demands/ pushes him away from having a relationship with you. You need to take action and re-evaluate if it's worth the grief. That is called neglect, and emotional abuse -and no child deserves that. You should re-evaluate if you want to be around a man or make an effort with him, if he would let that happen. Or if you end up being the one that always makes the effort to call, go to visit, email or contact him all the time.