[IDontKnowMe]

Basically, I think I fancy this girl who is my friends but she won't ever like me back in the same way. She has liked girls before but never me, and telling her how I feel would only destroy our friendship. I know that every time I become close friends with her I will get hurt because she can be close with anybody in our friendship group, so the next day I could be old news and she has moved on, while I am left there with the memories to watch her off being best friends with somebody else.
I can't carry on being picked up and put down. But I can't walk away from her.
What else can I do?
:confused:

[kp2171]

I have cared for more than one woman that I couldn't be with, either by choice, situation, or their not feeling the same way back.

Its no fun, but its just a part of life.

So you have a few choices to make. You can accept your attraction to her as genuine and real, but limited to friendship only. Right now you are doing this and feeling denied and repressed. Normal to feel this. If you are to hold all this in and still be friends with her, without talking to her, you have to rechannel that emotion.

Its easier to say than believe, but try to simply accept your feelings for her and understand that there is something special here... that you can feel this way about someone... and in time, you'll find people who respond back. Its not easy always. We get impatient. We get lonely. But I do not believe in soul mates... that there is just one perfect person out there who can know you best.

I have a good relationship to my wife, but I believe if I was wiped from the face of the earth that she could find another man that she could connect to. With a few billion people on this earth, I would hope that she's not that picky.

The point I'm trying to make is just that you feel a connection that I believe you will feel again. And again. And again. For other people. Some will return the interest. Some won't. In time you'll believe this and find at least some comfort in knowing that a few other billion people have also gone through something like this... affection that wasn't returned. Doesn't matter if its guy-girl or girl-girl.

The other choices are you take action. You either take a step back, knowing this is just going to gnaw at you... or you take a chance and tell her you are interested and accept that if it falls apart, at least you took that leap.

I can't tell you what's the best answer. If you do nothing, you at least need to accept this as a choice you are making... not done to you. You don't get to beat yourself up over and over because she doesn't feel the same. Either you accept that you have affection for her, and that's just fine, even though it isn't going anywhere... or you do something.

Unfortunately, there's no "perfect" answer to give you. Fortunately, every time you choose to own a decision (stay, leave, risk it) you get closer to finding what you need.

[IDontKnowMe]

Help! It's getting even harder to deal with. She has started using our special 'in jokes' with other friends and it's making me feel like crap. A few days ago we were so close but now I'm just left wondering, did it ever mean anything to her? Or am a completely crazy?
Please Help!

[talaniman]

Maybe its best to broaden your circle of friends, or leave the old ones alone. You really don't have to go through this, you know.

[kp2171]

You aren't crazy, but you are over the top a bit... meaning there's more drama than needed here.

You are desperately seeking things that you share with her, and only between you two alone.

Doesn't work like that.

I think you have a huge crush... and that's fine... but you need to stop taking it personally when she interacts with other girls.

So you like her big time... ok. Its OK. It kind of sucks that she isn't back at you the same way, but still... you like her and that's fine.

But stop with the exclusivity noise.

If you cannot take that she has a broader circle of friends, its time to step back. She isn't making you feel like crap. You are.

Its OK. It happens. You like her large and you are getting in your own way.

But stop looking for exclusive moments where you share something with her that nobody else will ever know about... hell... I don't even expect that from my wife.

You aren't crazy. You are just in over your head. You are making this bigger than it needs to be.

At some point you stop being a victim. She isn't being mean... she's being herself. If you cannot live with her being like this then you need to back off. But you don't get to be a victim here.

Stop looking for exclusive moments that you two alone will share. You will just be disappointed for no good reason.