[svatnsdal]

I want to know why some men, that pay child support, just complain that it is way too much. We are talking about men who pay, oh around 200$ a month for a child, when the mother pays a lot more then that raising that child.
Why do men, yes I'm sure there are some woman, complain over such a small amount of money when it comes to a child?
I must stand and applaud the fathers who remain a great father through their child's life, and never complain about money.

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Because most men don't really realise how much kids cost they don't buy their clothes and they don't go food shopping they don't realise how much nappies and baby milk and wipes and anything else costs because usually the woman doe's it

My eldest sons dad took him to toy city to get him a few things when he came back he had 4 items and the total of the 4 items was 350euro he looked and me and asked me if I was working at home because every room in my house except my room and the bathrooms have massive toy boxes full to the top with toys that's not included outside toys

They just don't realise how expensive kids are

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Cookie Monster is right!!

[simoneaugie]

The rate of child support is based on the income of the person paying. It's about 30%, or it was for us. Sorry to disagree with you COOKIE MONSTER, children do not have to cost that much. Sure, they add cost to the household, but maybe 15% if you shop carefully for daycare, housing and children's clothes.

We, as a society have become accustomed to a lifestyle where we get what we want. So our children "deserve" the best of everything. Does that really work? A parent, not custodial who lives on subsistence wages should not be required to pay 30% of his income! He might go to school, get a better paying job... with what?

Child support is about the kids. It usually goes to buy a nicer house (for the kids of course.)

[N0help4u]

I have known guys that work and pay child support and then do not have enough money left to pay their own bills. I think that is the main reason they complain. People say well you made the baby but hind sight is 20/20.

[svatnsdal]

The rate of child support is based on the income of the person paying. It's about 30%, or it was for us. Sorry to disagree with you COOKIE MONSTER, children do not have to cost that much. Sure, they add cost to the household, but maybe 15% if you shop carefully for daycare, housing and children's clothes.

We, as a society have become accustomed to a lifestyle where we get what we want. So our children "deserve" the best of everything. Does that really work? A parent, not custodial who lives on subsistence wages should not be required to pay 30% of his income! He might go to school, get a better paying job...with what?

Child support is about the kids. It usually goes to buy a nicer house (for the kids of course.)

Geez, maybe what a mother pays for child things should be based on what she makes!
I think it is completely idiotic and unfair how it is picked out what child support is. If the man complains, give him the child to raise and then see what they think!

[svatnsdal]

I have a close friend who is a single mother with two kids. She fights to find work and then most of it pays for the phone bill, rent, cable, clothes, food, and other very badly needed things.
She deals with a father that pays about $150 a month. That doesn't pay for much! Then when he is asked to cover the cost of his children's trip to visit him, he just complains that he's not happy with paying another 10 bucks!
I have dealt with a few female friends, single moms. They do anything and everything for their child and even move so the child is closer to their father. These are woman who don't get any time to go to a party, movie, anything! In every case the fathers have just complained about that small amount of money they have to pay.
I do know, not all men are like that. There are very few that never complain and always put their child first. I just don't understand why these selfish men are the way they are.
I also really hope they use a condom for the rest of their life.

[N0help4u]

Also want to add... when I was married I lived in an abandoned house with virtually no income. Four babies later my (now ex) husband was making $1,000. A month and broke by the end of each month. Rent, utilities, food, car insurance, monthly necessities.
My ex asked me why in the world was it costing so much now when we got by on practically nothing a few years earlier... DUH! We were living in an abandoned house in the boondocks!
Now we have 4 babies, bills, a house and a car. So I agree with Cookie Monster that guys just don't get the cost of living.

[svatnsdal]

also want to add...when I was married I lived in an abandoned house with virtually no income. Four babies later my (now ex) husband was making $1,000. a month and broke by the end of each month. Rent, utilities, food, car insurance, monthly necessities.
My ex asked me why in the world was it costing so much now when we got by on practically nothing a few years earlier.....DUH! We were living in an abandoned house in the boondocks!
Now we have 4 babies, bills, a house and a car. So I agree with Cookie Monster that guys just don't get the cost of living.

And to think, we still vote them into the wrong places!

[Synnen]

I would just like to point out that a single mom with TWO kids should have learned to cross her legs after ONE kid, if she wasn't at a point where she could afford it.

And really... your post should be repeated to all of the silly teens that are out having sex and then panicking and thinking "Am I pregnant?". Or even better--the ones that are TRYING to get pregnant.

I have no sympathy--neither for the fathers paying who are poor, nor for the mothers struggling to make ends meet. Sex = babies. Sex ed and society have SURELY made that clear by now. If you can't afford your kids, you should have either given them up for adoption, or kept your legs crossed.

Actually--I take it back. I DO have a little sympathy for the guy who had no choice in the matter, because the babymomma just HAD to have and KEEP her baby, and now he's stuck paying, because SHE wouldn't choose adoption.

I know JUST as many women that whine and complain about not getting enough child support, yet who are still wearing new jeans, with makeup, and cable TV and a new cellphone. Why do some WOMEN expect to be able to go out, buy new things, wear nice clothes and have time to themselves after they have kids?

[COOKIE MONSTER]

If my sons dad gave me child support they will take the money he gives me out of my rent money so basically I don't get JACK S**T [OR SHOULD I SAY MY SON GETS JACK S**T]

SO WHAT IS THE POINT OF GETTING IT WHEN IT DOESN'T GO TO MY SON

I don't get any anyway id rather not

[svatnsdal]

I would just like to point out that a single mom with TWO kids should have learned to cross her legs after ONE kid, if she wasn't at a point where she could afford it.

And really....your post should be repeated to all of the silly teens that are out having sex and then panicking and thinking "Am I pregnant?". Or even better--the ones that are TRYING to get pregnant.

I have no sympathy--neither for the fathers paying who are poor, nor for the mothers struggling to make ends meet. Sex = babies. Sex ed and society have SURELY made that clear by now. If you can't afford your kids, you should have either given them up for adoption, or kept your legs crossed.

Actually--I take it back. I DO have a little sympathy for the guy who had no choice in the matter, because the babymomma just HAD to have and KEEP her baby, and now he's stuck paying, because SHE wouldn't choose adoption.

I know JUST as many women that whine and complain about not getting enough child support, yet who are still wearing new jeans, with makeup, and cable TV and a new cellphone. Why do some WOMEN expect to be able to go out, buy new things, wear nice clothes and have time to themselves after they have kids?

You are very, very right! I do bug my friend about how she should have used protection the second time. She does always tell me how she was very close to having an abortion. The thing is, it was done and it's over.
Where I live, I see so many kids with kids. I'm well over thirty and very happy to have no kids! I have been a second mom to a close friend years ago, and was asked to sign papers to take custody. My friend now is doing the same thing. I do love helping, but I am not going to clean up after them.
There was a boy who was asking about having a child. We are talking about a 16 year old, who was wanting his girlfriend pregnant. He stated he was from a wealthy family, so his parents could take care of the baby.
Most times I wonder where the hell parents are that have these kids. I would also love to know why young people are so interested in having kids.

[N0help4u]

I really don't see where sex education and society have had an impact on kids not getting pregnant. They often use abortion as a birth control method too. I see and hear of so many teens wanting to get pregnant because they want a baby so bad. You even see it here on this site a lot kids wanting kids really bad. Then often they tell the guy they are on birth control or they can't get pregnant and the guy falls for it.
Then after they have the baby they wanted so bad they get bored with it and pawn it off on their mother.
I can see both sides of the problem, but I do agree about the women who cry they can't afford to feed and cloth their kid(s) and then buy designer clothing for themselves and go to the bar every Friday night. I have even known women who return the things the dad has bought for his kids so they have more money to spend on their own self.
It is a mess and that is exactly why I have been saying sex education needs to teach more reality and consequences.

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Well Synnen I Was On The Pill And He Had Condom On And I Ended Up With My Youngest

And Why The Hell Should We Have To Live With Killing An Unborn Child I Couldn't Do It He Offered Me The Cash To Abort And I Slapped His Face For It It Wasn't Planned I Didn't Want Anymore Kids But I Could Live With Myself Killing A Baby Its Not Right Nor Could I Give It Up For Adoption

And Why The Hell Are You Blaming Us Females That's Not On It Takes Bloody 2 To Tango

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Men don't have to live with the guilt of abortion we do,we would think about that baby everyday,what he\she could have been,were they would me now by mile stones,what colour hair,eyes they would have,what their personality would be like,birthdays,christmas,every child you see reminding you what you did

It's the same with miscarriage and adoption

You fellas don't have to live with the guilt

[N0help4u]

I have heard and know of women who live with the guilt daily. One of my friends said that the guy she lived with for years insisted she her get abortions or she had to leave him. They would be in their 20's now and she is always thinking about what her life would be like if they were here to do things with.

[Synnen]

I got pregnant using a condom, birth control pill and using a spermicide.

I'm just pointing out that it DOES take two to tango--let's not just blame the DADS for not being able to afford kids/child support! You could have said "no" to sex too!

I didn't say you SHOULD have to choose abortion. I'm also saying that I sure as HELL don't want to pay taxes so that people can have kids they can't afford, either.

I chose adoption--and I certainly wouldn't advocate it. You want to talk about hurting for the rest of your life? Believe me, sister, I know that pain.

And the hell of it is: I can't get pregnant now. I gave up for adoption the ONLY child I will ever have.

My WHOLE point was exactly what you said: it wasn't planned. Well, the guys paying child support didn't plan it, either, and they have NO choice in what the mother does. I hear more stories on this site about dads that want to stop paying child support for the simple reason that the child's mother won't let him see his own kids!

I repeat: If you don't want kids, do not have sex. Birth control FAILS, as you can obviously attest. Why should you (you in general, not you specifically) get to keep your kids on MY taxpayer money, when I can't use taxpayer money for IVF or any other infertility treatment? If you can't afford your kids, they should be given to someone who CAN afford them--that's in the best interest of the child.

Frankly, I think that if you must go on public aid to support a child, OR if you have more than 2 children you are paying child support for (ESPECIALLY if your child support doesn't BEGIN to cover the state cost of helping to support the child) you should be sterilized. Or at the very LEAST placed on a form of mandatory birth control that you can not voluntarily stop (such as an implant or the shot).

I ALSO think that you should have to pass a test in order to become a parent. Fail the test and Voilà! There's a perfectly adoptable baby out there for all of those "poor childless couples who desperately want to adopt" (which is the biggest line of baloney that I hear all the time from advocates of adoption--especially those advocates who are pro-life).

Frankly, I think that the REAL solution lies in taking away state aid. Period. If you can't get welfare to take care of your kids, you'd be less willing to risk HAVING a kid you can't afford, which would stop so many teen pregnancies (because believe me, they KNOW they can get help to raise their babies). If you had to choose between watching your kids starve and just not having sex--pretty easy choice, wouldn't you say?

Oh--and those kids that are starving? The state would HAPPILY place them with a family that could afford them.

Dear lord--why are you turning it back on me, anyway? I'm just pointing out that there are valid reasons a guy would complain about having to pay child support--the MOST valid being that he would have chosen adoption instead of parenting, but didn't get that choice like SHE did--and now he has to pay for kids he seldom (if ever) gets to see.

[N0help4u]

I agree with you that there are valid reasons for a guy being upset. Also, too many dads are paying support for kids they believe to be theirs and aren't which I think is really a bad hand dealt to them. More guys are wising up to insisting on a paternity test first.
I just see that so many kids are irresponsible and do not think of the consequences all they see is they want baby---takes guy to get baby, -----not a care about what to do or how to care for or afford baby after the fact. They barely think much past the nine months and holding a baby in their arms. They picture them pushing a baby in a stroller and how 'cute' it would be.

[nikosmom]

Synnen, you made the decision that was best for YOU. I think women that recognize that they are unable to take care of a child and decide to give it up for adoption are special people. I applaud you for that, really I do. No one here mentioned anything about being on state aid. I agree, that if you can't take care of a child and must do so with public assistance, then you should not continue having children. However, child support and public assistance aren't the same thing.

I for one, don't receive either. I was in a relationship for 2 yrs with a man I loved, where we discussed having children and had planned to get married. The relationship turned abusive the last few months and I got out. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time. Like Cookie Monster said, there is no way I would have aborted my child, although I don't pass judgement on those that choose that route. My point is, that a relationship went bad and a child resulted out of it. I don't regret my child. I am going back and forth to court to try to get child support because he SHOULD have to help. He figures that since I ended it then the child should suffer. That's not fair to the innocent baby. I have been taking care of my child on my own since the day I knew he was growing in my womb but that doesn't exempt his father from helping me to support him. As I said, I AM NOT ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE, I WORK FULL-TIME, I OWN MY OWN HOME AND HAVE A COLLEGE EDUCATION, but why should these dads get off scott-free?

I don't expect my son's father to pay for my cable TV, makeup, or cell phone, but he should have to help pay for diapers, daycare, and formula. And child support isn't a 'payment' for visitation, it's to help take care of the baby. Again, my son's father has an open invitation to see his son whenever he wants, but he chooses not to. Just because he doesn't want to be a part of his life (again, out of anger towards me for having the good sense to put an end to the abuse), doesn't mean he's not supposed to be part of his life. I have never denied him visitation and I don't hold our past against him when it comes to the child that we BOTH created.

[svatnsdal]

Well Synnen I Was On The Pill And He Had Condom On And I Ended Up With My Youngest

And Why The Hell Should We Have To Live With Killing An Unborn Child I Couldn't Do It He Offered Me The Cash To Abort And I Slapped His Face For It It Wasn't Planned I Didn't Want Anymore Kids But I Could Live With Myself Killing A Baby Its Not Right Nor Could I Give It Up For Adoption

And Why The Hell Are You Blaming Us Females Thats Not On It Takes Bloody 2 To Tango

Abortion is not for you, me or anyone to tell other woman if it's right or wrong. It is completely the woman's choice, and the woman alone. Not yours, not mine, no one else's. Abortion is legal because there is no human life being killed.