[innerpunk16]

Hey everyone.:confused: Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now, since my 2nd year of high school. We are going to different colleges, but have been able to keep it up well, with the usual ups and downs. We are both studying for successful careers and talk about how we WILL get married, have kids... you know that USUAL.

Now, sometimes I picture our future easily, and its blissful. But other times, I question it. Have we just gotten in such a routine that marriage is just the next thing?

I have always imagined myself meeting eyes with a man (with a british accent) and just knowing "he is it, this dream ive been destined for!". And being in love, passionate, romantic, never-ending love. But I fear that this vision, is nothing but a little girl fantasizing about something that is unlikely to actually happen.

My boyfriend, is a great guy, who really really loves me. Sure he doesn't treat me perfectly like every girl dreams of, but he does love me and care for me and wants to marry me and have babies and grow old. Am I just not appreciating him enough? Or am I actually settling for comfort versus the dream that every girl deserves to find?

p.s. I have developed a panic and anxiety disorder from around the time we started dating. I have panic attacks around him and his family... is that a sign?

[N0help4u]

There is rarely a knight in shining armor and a perfect little marriage with grand castle and all is fantastic. From what I have seen many marriages are the ups and downs and the everyday routine where you fall into a rut.
If he is a great guy it may not be worth dumping him for a dream that never comes true.
If he is a keeper then you should try to find ways to keep the spark in the relationship.

[jolienoire]

From what I gather, the distance has you questioning your relationship, you are not with him therefore you began to have time to analyze your situation. Your relationship can either be difficult, or it can work out, Depending on how much effort you are willing to put into it and how far you want to go. As Nohelp4 u state there is rarely a knight and shining armor, and a perfect marriage. It's about taking an unperfect situation and seeing that it is a perfect part of living. Because the reality is that you will have quarrels in any relationship, questions, thoughts, and perhaps doubts at time. It stems from our expectations to forsee the future. When things start to not go the way we hope or plan we panic. We get worried, we start doubting ourselves and our reasons. And sometimes even when we do have a totally compatible partner we start questioning that "is this too good to be true" Our mind drifts at times, but your heart will know.. but In my opinion it could be the distance that has you questioning the relationship, and the effort you have to put in to maitain this relationship, but there is a saying anything that you work hard to get is worth keeping nothing in life will be easy. However don't make hasty decisions unless you are certain that this is what you want.

[lostissues]

Perfection lies in the eyes of the beholder. I know it must be confusing. There's always a part of every girl that dreams of the "perfect" guy. The one where with one look at him, you melt and every part of you tells you that--he's the one. Yet, that's part of the fairy tales that we've grown up with. We try to find someone like that, but in reality, is there really a person with eyes to melt for?

I think the main question here is, do you love him enough? Currently, you've talked about how much he loves you and cares for you, yet, how much do you care for him? Maybe you should spend some time to yourself and think deeply about this. Can you imagine yourself living without him? How much does he mean to you?

Or perhaps, marriage is a talk too fast for you--maybe you need more time. It's understandable. A bf/gf relationship is different from marriage, maybe you just need time to think things over and to take things slow.

Comfort or love? I can't say for sure, however, I believe that you need to get help with those panic attacks of yours. They don't sound that fun. You need to find out what it is that triggers your panic attacks; what is it about your boyfriend or his family that scares you?
Good luck.

[talaniman]

Every day is a new advenyure and we never know what is coming tomorrow. For now deal with those panic attacks, and let the relationship flow where it will. If you both keep working at it, and talk and listen, chances are it will last. Just recognise the next few years, will tell whether you can grow together, and work together, or move apart, as life will put a lot of pressure on you both. Its called "growing pains".

[innerpunk16]

Thank you everyone for your truly genuine advice. I know that love is hard work, especially to have that marriage stamina that makes old people holding hands in the park so adorable. I do love him, he is my best friend and has been even before we began dating (which I should realize is a story in itself). I look at him sometimes and I do feel that "i adore you" melting feeling, but its easy to forget how you felt during that moment when you do have doubts. I agree, the distance and the time away from being with him does leave for time for oneself to doubt. When he's away, I might watch too many chick flicks by myself, making me want that storybook life.

As for the panics, I am getting help for them. With him and his family, I have severe trouble going out to dinner, going on a daytrip with them, etc. Its technically a social claustrophobia, meaning fear of no escape from embarrassment. It worries me, since it's been 4 years and I've been around them long enough that I should be more comfortable. Its just that my family is so "sharing" like screaming out embarrassing stories with laughter, while his is more private like "shh, thats not something a lady should talk about"
This makes me more anxious because I can't help but think that if something like burping is something not to talk about.. what happens when I actually burp?