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lostissues · Mar 29, 2008, 09:51 PM

Hi, I don't know how to start this at all...
I'm a 16 year old girl who is a semi perfectionist. I get high marks ranging around high 80's to middle 90's. I am also a great pianist (at least that's what my teacher says). People tell me that I'm smart and that I am nice... but... I look in the mirror... I see someone that I don't want to be.
Ever since I was little, my brother would constantly tell me that I'm ugly and that no one could ever love me. My brother isn't a horrible person, he might be a little selfish and mean at times, but one thing that he is, is honest and blunt. Every time I wore a dress, he'd call me ugly, every time I wore something a little tight, he'd call me fat. He sees so many faults in me... and.. I tried to block it out, I really do! My mom tells me not to listen... but... maybe he's right! After so many years of listening to him put me down.. I believe him... Now I look in the mirror... and there's nothing about me that I like. So, I'm not pretty, I'm not nice, I'm not smart... I'm nothing! Absolutely positively NOTHING!
So I try hard in school. I stay up till early mornings (around 3am) studying, memorizing my notes, just so I can feel like I'm smart... that I'm actually worth something! My brother gets low marks in school, and by getting higher marks than him, I feel like I'm someone. Yet, I also know that if he even remotely tries to study... his marks will be higher than mine by a landslide.
It really hurts... and I'm really depressed... I try to tell myself that I'm SOMEONE! But... what if he's right? Maybe I'm just kidding myself. I don't know what to do! I HATE myself and I don't want to live life like this at all! I cry when no ones watching and I act like nothings wrong... I... I... I'm so confused!

Anyway, for anyone that's reading this, I'm sorry for wasting your time, I just really needed to tell someone. It's been stuck in my chest for so long... and.. I can feel myself about to snap.. Thanks. Sorry for wasting your time.

Wondergirl · Mar 29, 2008, 10:01 PM

Well, first off, I'm impressed with your writing. You know grammar and spelling and punctuation, and you expressed yourself very well.

If your brother isn't doing well in school, why does his opinion matter? He needs to clean up his own act before he starts complaining about yours. How little IS he? (How much younger than you?)

lostissues · Mar 29, 2008, 10:07 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Well, first off, I'm impressed with your writing. You know grammar and spelling and punctuation, and you expressed yourself very well.

If your brother isn't doing well in school, why does his opinion matter? He needs to clean up his own act before he starts complaining about yours. How little IS he? (How much younger than you?)

I guess I forgot to mention how old my brother is. My brother is older than me by 22 months, almost 2 years. He's currently 18 years old.

Wondergirl · Mar 29, 2008, 10:11 PM

So why does his opinion matter, especially since he isn't doing well? He should be begging you for help with study skills and going over his notes and text. I'D beg you for help if I were your sister!

Wondergirl · Mar 29, 2008, 10:14 PM

Let me ask you a question. Do you really think you are worthless?

If I were a teacher, I would do anything to get you into my class. And you're a girl. Do you know what an advantage it is to be female in this day and age? I wish I were young again and could start over. Wow! I envy you!

Now, give me some reasons I envy you--you, the person.

mafiaangel180 · Mar 29, 2008, 10:17 PM

Your brother needs a life instead of sitting around ripping you a part. It seems his self esteem is probably shot and he needs to drag you down to make himself feel better.

It's hard to ignore crap like that especially when it's thrown in your face so much. But deary, even if you were fat or stupid (which I'm sure you aren't), yourself worth has to come from something that can't be so easily changed. Because if you DID gain weight in the future, you still should think you are a good person! Ask yourself these questions... do you treat people the way you would want to be treated? Are you the best person you can be? Are you living right by your standards (perhaps the standards of a higher power if that's what you believe in?)

N0help4u · Mar 30, 2008, 08:55 AM

Even if you were ugly it would not mean you are stupid or worthless.
Your brother is being mean and you should not cave into him.
You have a lot going for you and often that will make a person envious and jealous
So I think he could be the one with insecurity issues. If you ever notice the people that do the most criticizing are the ones with no life or little to offer.
Someday he just might admit to you that he is sorry for treating you so poorly when you were kids.
P.S. I don't look in mirrors any more than I HAVE to so that I don't dwell on how ugly I think I am. That way it is easier to focus on the good things about who you are.