[ConfusedDoll]

So I just got an abortion, and I was completely against it, but I had no other choice I didn't want to bring a child to this world, when no one wants it, my boyfriend at first said he would be there for me threw the whole thing buh I had to give the baby up for adoption but I coudlnt do that, my parents said that I had to marry the guy or else I had to get an abortion, long story short they made me get an abortion, and now I think I made the worst decision of my life, and I can't stop thinking about it, it makes me so sad, and every time I see a lady with a belly, it makes me all sad and depressed I don't even know what to do anymore, and to make things worse me and my boyfriend just resently broke up because of something I did, he made a big deal about and broke up with me, it makes me sad to think that he would leave me when I need him the most although I have put up a pretty strong act in front of him about the whole abortion thing, sigh, I don't know what to do anymore I juist want to bring my life back onto track. :confused:

[xxluvmexxhatemexx]

Well I don't know about abortion but I say just get over it and adopt

[ConfusedDoll]

Its not that I want a baby, no I don't want kids. I'm only 19 but the fact that I went against what I believed in. and what I did was wrong which just haunts me

[lostissues]

Don't dwell in the past, what's done is done, you can't change back time. The more you look back, the sadder you get. It's hard to move on, that baby, regardless of whether it was born or not, it was a part of you, and losing it, you lost a part of yourself. But ask yourself this, you said it yourself, you didn't want kids, you weren't ready, by bringing a baby into this world when you're not ready, what good does that do? In the end, by not being ready, you're hurting yourself, your family and your baby.

In situations like this, there isn't any rights or wrongs. There's only I did and I didn't. To continuously beat yourself down because of this won't help matters. There isn't a fine line defining the rights and wrongs of what you did. True, by giving birth to it, you would've given it a life, a chance at living. Yet, by not being ready to be a parent, you're dooming it to a life of hardship. I'm not trying to say that you won't be a good parent, but it takes a lot of responsibility and patience to raise a child. At age 19, I take it that you're in college or university, just coming out into the work environment--balancing work and taking care of a baby is hard.

As for your boyfriend, if he's so willing to move on and leave you when you're feeling the most vulnerable, what does that make him? Is he someone that you would want to spend the rest of your life with? NO! I'm sure that there's someone out there that will love you and stick by you no matter what!

Consider this a life lesson, this might haunt you for the rest of your life, and I can't say anything that can make you feel better. But, what's done is done, now that you know how this loss feels like, when you have your own family one day, cherish your babies and love them. Give them the care and love that you could not give to your first unborn. That's really all that there is to it.

Try to stay strong! Move on and live a happy life! I wish you the best of luck! Take care.

[JoeCanada76]

Honestly, No one can force you to do anything. Abortion, the final decision was yours and yours alone. I understand you were under lots of pressure from everyone but there is always other choices available, but at the time you did not realise there was.

Now that you have gone through with this and now it is bothering you and hurting you. This is normal. Your greiving a loss of your baby. It takes time for healing a wound like this.

Just know that later in life, whenever the right time is. You become pregnant. You will have to know that whenever your older and more mature that having a future baby will be a better experience for you.

Like others have said this is all a learning experiances that you have been going through, and know not to repeat the same situation. Meaning protect yourself. Make sure you wait until later in life for having another child.

You need to get rid of your boyfriend. That is my opinion. Your parents you can not get rid of but you can certainly make your feelings known to them.

Like others have said as well. Do not dwell on the past. Learn from the past and never make the same mistake again. You need to learn how to forgive yourself for what has happened. Make it right by making a brighter future for yourself and one day for that future child that will be blessed and taking care of properly when you find that right partner in your life.

EDIT::::

I also suggest you seeing a counselor. This will help you work out some things inside of you and hopefully will start the healing process for you.

[Username Here]

An abortion is an emotional time for everyone involved, in particular the mother. I know its hard to let go of all the 'What if' questions but lets face it.
- neither you or your partner wanted the child.
- neither of your parents wanted the child
- you would have had to have given it up for adoption, and adopted children generally live a harder life.
- if you had kept the child, for yourself, what kind of future could you have provided for the child? Because you're only 19 you will have a small income and not be settled into a steady job as yet and chances are your partner will probably change another 2 or 3 times before you find 'the one'.

The child would never have lived a full happy life. A child in adoption always has those resentment towards there biological parents because they feel abandoned. If you hadn't given it up for adoption, you could not have funded a full lifestyle for the child and provided the child with all he/she wants.

I believe you did the right thing for your situation, an unwanted child is an unhappy child.

For now you need to bring some normality back into your life. It's a life experience that you can learn from, but cannot change so their's no need to dwell upon it.

Hope this helps,
Louis.

[KalFour]

Hi Doll,
You poor thing. I can't imagine what it's like for you. I'm also 19 and I have no idea what I would choose to do in that situation; you're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.
The decision you made might be a very sensible one in the long run. You might have just made the choice that means the kids you'll have later in life will have a more functional family setup for them. Who knows?
I hope you have some close friends to talk to about this. You shouldn't be alone with such a burden (and it doesn't sound as if your parents or ex are the best people for that at the moment). I hope you have people around you offering support. But if you feel uncomfortable with that, you could always see a counselor. Or just come online here, there's usually someone with friendly words of advice.
You've made the decision, for better or worse. I won't tell you to just get over it and move on. And anyone who tells you to is incredibly insensitive, but you can learn to accept it and learn from your experience. If you're ever put in this situation again, think about the decision that is most important to YOU and not what everyone else wants.

I sincerely hope you're OK. You can get through this.

Kal

[Fr_Chuck]

It is so sad that when you needed them most, the people you loved and trusted the most turned against you. Sadly to many they see no issue in an abortion, but there is a lot of emotional issues, I would recommend some professional counseling to deal with all of the issues and emotions,
I will also assume you have broken up with your boyfriend and moved on with that part of your life also.

I wish I could tell you it will all just be better soon, but I know it will be hard, and at times those feelings can come back years latter from ladies I cousel from time to time In the end, you will have to learn to deal with 100 different feelings, but we can not change things that has happened in the past, all we can do is learn and move on and latter use this to help others in the same situation if we can

[Allheart]

so i just got an abortion, and i was completly against it, but i had no other choice i didnt want to bring a child to this world, when no one wants it, my boyfriend at first said he would be there for me threw the whole thing buh i had to give the baby up for adoption but i coudlnt do that, my parents said that i had to marry the guy or else i had to get an abortion, long story short they made me get an abortion, and now i think i made the worst decision of my life, and i can't stop thinking about it, it makes me so sad, and everytime i see a lady with a belly, it makes me all sad and depressed i dont even know what to do anymore, and to make things worse me and my boyfriend just resently broke up because of something i did, he made a big deal about and broke up with me, it makes me sad to think that he wud leave me when i need him the most although i have put up a pretty strong act infront of him about the whole abortion thing, sigh, i dont know what to do anymore i juist want to bring my life back onto track. :confused:

Oh I am so very sorry for the pain you are in. I can not even begin to imagine. Please, you say you need your boyfriend the most, but truthfully, I think the most important thing you need to do, is heal.

This is a painful situation for you and as the others suggested, and I do as well, is seek a counciller. Seek someone, who is a professional to help you with this pain.

The boyfriend right now, is not your problem, and to be honest, it may be better for now, that he is not in your life.

Is there a place where you can see someone to council you? I know some take insurance and some don't. But it is so important for you to heal sweetheart.

I've never been in your shoes, but I can almost feel you pain. Bless you. You have to concentrate on healing and not the regretting.

When you see the ladies with the big bellies, I am sure it does get to you. But you don't know there story. They may have been in your shoes as well, in years past.

For now, get a book, and start keeping a journal and write down all of your feelings. This will start to get some of that pain out.

If you can not right now pay for a counciller, would you conisder, a member of a church, to seek loving advice? Like a priest or some sort of clergy?

If that is too difficult for you, I understand. Start with the journal.

Know that many a girl fell into the same situation, so there are sadly a lot of you out there and you are not alone.

Learn from this very painful situation. I know you will and I think you have.

Please, don't waste another second on your ex, those seconds are needed for you and you alone.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

Allheart.

[HistorianChick]

Oh sweetheart... My heart hurts for you. Knowing that you are dealing with this heartache at such a young age hurts.

All I can say is please don't dwell on your failure in the past. Let this circumstance, this tragedy influence your future. Let it become a purpose to grow and better yourself personally. The circumstances that we go through, both difficult and joyful, are only part of what makes us into who we are. Circumstances do not define you, they help mold you into the person that you are going to be.

What I'm trying to say is that your past is just that, past. You cannot do anything to bring your baby back, nor can you do anything to change the circumstances surrounding your decision. But you can take control of your present and your future. This heartache can be changed into a heart-strength.

It's a pithy saying, but it always helped put a smile back on my face. "Help me always remember that 'my tears have made my rainbow'. My hurts, my failures, my heartaches, my pain have made my rainbow. For a rainbow is made up of sunshine and rain. Water and light. My hurt has made my rainbow. When the eyes have no tears, the heart has no rainbow."

I love AH's idea for a journal. It is a wonderful thought... also the suggestion to talk to someone. We will be here to answer your questions, but sometimes you will just need a hug. Talk to your minister or someone similar. Open up, honey. It will only help.

Balance sweetheart, balance your life. Balance your tears with your hope for the future.

I'll say a prayer for you.

[450donn]

WOW! These responses are really sad to read. Have any of you ever lost a child? I don't mean an abortion, I mean lost one that you wanted? If not, then you do not have any idea of how devastating this sort of thing can be. This poor girl was given an ultimatum, get an abortion or get married. That is not what she needed at a time like this. She needed some loving support, not kicked in the teeth. What she needs now is counselling to help her deal with this. Sweet heart, get some professional help and I mean like NOW!

[ConfusedDoll]

Thank you all for such wonderful advice, I really love the journal idea, I actually have one and had stopped writing in it, and maybe that's why I got so lost, I know I have to move on with my life and make it better, and that's what I plan on doing. I guess sometimes we are put in situations we have no control over. I know what my boyfriend did was cowardly but he did want to be there I know he did, he loves kids, he would never want to kill his own kid, but you see the thing that made this situation so bad was that me and my boyfriend both are muslim, not many people even knew I was pregnant, and I did speak to my best friend she helped buh I feel like if I keep talking to her about she will judge me and what if she just gets annoyed. I know one day god will forgive me for taking a live because I know I have sinned, but as many of you said and made me realize by bringing the baby into the world I would have just hurt it, thnk you all so much for this I fellt better when I read all those answers, they really touched my heart. Thnk you

[ConfusedDoll]

Thnks 450 donn, I really did want to keep this baby, I mean I wasn't ready for it, but somewhere in my heart I really wanted it, buh I just coudlnt force someone to marry me, and he was only looking out for me. He parents are evil and would never let us stay happy if we had that baby, I do need real help, I just don't know how to get it, without being asked all kinds of questions I don't want my parents to ask me why I need it, I love my parents and they have given me everythng I had ever put my hands on so when I did tell them id move out and keep the kid, the tears in my mothers eyes gave me so much pain that I coudlnt them or me or eve this baby threw. Sometimes life brings us in a place where we are lost, and that when we have to find the right path. I soon hope I can find my path

[N0help4u]

I feel for you but at your age with everybody against you it must be hard and you can't beat yourself up over it. You really didn't have much choice considering your age and all.

[bushg]

Oh, confuseddoll I am so sorry for the pain that you are in. Don't let this lesson be in vain, learn from it and most of all forgive yourself. You know that abortion is not right for you so never do it again. People can or will call me crazy but I truly believe that if this little soul wants to be born to you that it will come back again, someday, when you are ready for it. May you find peace in your heart.

[sammyjimenez]

That is a stupid respond.

[sammyjimenez]

i can't tell you how i feel... when i read this i can't tell you how happy it made me feel. not happy in that way, hell no! but i had an abortion last valentines day.. words can describe all the hurt and pain inside, My boyfriend well.. I'm still with him now but he doesn't care its nearly a year since it all happened and to him well its just like another day to be honest. their isn't a day which goes by where i don't think about what i did. the right thing? the wrong thing?. Everyone tells me it was the right thing and i think that but theres a bit of me deep down that knows i did the wrong thing.
i was just like you against abortions, but when your in the situation its a whole different story. It hurts everyday, feels like your hearts been torn into pieces. Your boyfriend well to me it sounds like your better of with out him he sounds like a right knob head times like that is when you need your family, friends and the one you love to be there for you.
You may be like me you get those days where you can't stop thinking about it and you do something stupid and take it out on those closest to you. Just remember though...

Think of everything for the baby, would you be able to provide for it? would you be able to give it the best life? i did the same and at the end of it there is more negative for positive.
just remember keep your head held high and don't let no one bring you down. xxxxxx