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confused2345 · Mar 15, 2008, 01:47 PM

My boyfriend broke up with me last night. His reasons didn't make sense and it was obvious to me that he has no interest in me or the relationship. The past 1.5 years has been horrible. I have had to beg for attention and I was hardly ever happy because he never acted like a boyfriend. I feel it might be the best since I didn't get what I wanted out of it. I have been okay but I keep getting these waves of sadness and loneliness. I want to move on and have fun in my life for once. I loved him a lot and I wanted us to work so much.

Please help. What can I do to get rid of the waves of sadness? Everything reminds me of him.

talaniman · Mar 15, 2008, 02:02 PM

Click on the links, in my signature, and let me know, if they help you.

Wondergirl · Mar 15, 2008, 02:18 PM

You've experienced a death, the death of a relationship. Mourn it but also celebrate yourself and your freedom from what had become a stranglehold.

Be sure to click on "List of things to do after a breakup" above on tal's post.

Stay in touch with us and keep us up-to-date on how things are going.

confused2345 · Mar 15, 2008, 02:29 PM

When he told me yesterday, I was very strong and didn't cry or anything. Probably because part of me wanted it and part of me was expecting it. But I loved this guy even though he didn't love me back. I was miserable yet I was so attached. I'll try to be happy and focus on myself. It will be hard no doubt, but I hope time can fix that.

Wondergirl · Mar 15, 2008, 03:01 PM

Don't fake happy. Be sure to mourn. Scream and cry. Pound your pillow. Write him a letter and tell him how you feel, keep it in a private place, reread it for a couple of days, then finally burn it while repeating the mantra, "I'm going to be ok without him".

And you will be.

confused2345 · Mar 17, 2008, 10:56 AM

I think I made a huge mistake. I texted him asking him if we can re-discuss things more calmly. I stated that we made a rash decision. I really really regretted doing this because I knew the outcome subconsciously. I have no patience and I just went with my gut feelings. He didn't respond. This really upsets me. My feelings keep fluctuating. I thought things were getting better but he ended it just like that. Now, I am missing him a lot. I want him to miss me and think about everything that went wrong- for that I would need to give him some time right? I don't know how to take back what I just did. I am very mad at myself.

maiwest · Mar 17, 2008, 11:38 AM

You know you were with him for 1.5 years so apart from mourning the relationship there's the breaking of the habit and I think that second part is the harder thing to do.

Everyone is right, it hurts embrace it, mourn it then let it go. But then you're used to having him around. He has become a habit like smoking. When you need a fix, you light up a cigarette. In the case of a relationship, when you're feeling alone and lonely, he's the fix. But then you're not alone, you're just unattached. Try to connect with friends. Cry on their shoulder if you have to but try to enjoy activities with them. Go out have fun.

TrueFaith · Mar 17, 2008, 11:53 AM

Sounds like your better off without him :)

Enjoy the single life and wait to you meet someone that loves you back

BMI · Mar 17, 2008, 11:58 AM

By your own admission you were not happy and you use the word loved, not love, interesting no?

These feelings are strong because its been 2 DAYS!! You must come to grips with what has happened and the above posts are spot on. It's a change from the norm, it sounds as if you were not happy but you were comfortable, that's what is off. Contacting him will accomplish nothing as you yourself are not sure you even want him back, so what's the goal?

I think you'll begin to see the situation clearly after a little while, sounds as if you were settling with the relationship, give it time and space, your not yourself right now.

confused2345 · Mar 17, 2008, 12:54 PM

You guys are right. I am too comfortable even though I'm miserable with him. I hope I can break through this sadness. I get them in waves. I'm strong one minute, and extremely hurt and confused the next. I hope time will heal everything.

talaniman · Mar 17, 2008, 02:53 PM

Read some of the post here, and you will see your not alone, we have all felt that same confused sadness, in our guts and a few of us have went nutsy-bozo, for a while. Hang in there, your in some very good company.

DMBacoustic · Mar 18, 2008, 06:37 AM

Hahahaha "nutys-bozo"

Tal is right. We're all on this site for the same reason. Just imagine how many more people are going through this.

The one thing you can't do is FORCE yourself to get over someone. It takes a lot of time and you just need to let it happen naturally. One way you can make the whole process go smoothly is to just realize why this relationship didn't work, so you can make the next one that much better. And just go out and start doing things that make YOU happy.

Once you do that, you won't have to be with some guy for a year and a half if he makes you miserable, because you'll learn to be happy on your own.

yeye82 · Mar 18, 2008, 07:55 PM

You are so right DMBacoustic.
You can't force him to love you regardless of how much you love him. Force = Push. The more you force the further he will be pushed away. You have just gained some experience in life... I'm sure you know what to do when you meet your next boyfriend... Good luck.

confused2345 · Mar 20, 2008, 12:14 PM

When I look back, I realized that I was NEVER happy when I was with him. He never treated me like his girl nor did he make me feel important. He ignored and avoided my calls nor did he return them. He never called me. I had to beg for his attention. He was very hard to read and emotionally unavailble. Despite all this, I loved him a lot. We were best friends for few years where he was the sweetest guy. After we started dating, we had a rocky relationsihp with lots of ups and downs. He didn't like that and thought I was dramatic. He even thought I was dramatic for askign for a little attention. Today, I was very angry at myself for letting someone be so mean to me. What I don't understand: Why do I still want to be with him despite him being extremely mean and unavailable to me? Why do I still love him so much? How can I get him off my mind forever and not take him back if he does come back?

talaniman · Mar 20, 2008, 08:56 PM

For that my dear, you simply must learn to love yourself. People who love themselves, simply don't take that kind of abuse, from any one.

confused2345 · Mar 21, 2008, 10:44 AM

He broke up because he thinks his career won't match up to mine-i will be a doctor. He assumed my parents would not accept him, when its not the case. I tried to get him to talk to me about it so I can clear things up but he won't respond back. Its confusing because I wasn't happy and now that he broke up with me I'm not happy either. I feel like there were multiple reason to end it since he didn't show me much attention as it is. He told me he was unsure about the relationship even when he told me he wanted to work on it. Its just confusing. I don't know what's keeping me attached to him. I just miss him and I still love him. Things can work out if he's willing to have an open mind and talk it out. Career shouldn't be an issue. I miss him a lot and for some reason I want him to miss me as well. I want him to realize what is missing in his life. Will me not contacting him accomplish that?

jolienoire · Mar 21, 2008, 11:11 AM

confused2345] I want him to realize what is missing in his life.

My dear this is something HE must do he needs to realize it, and there is nothing you can do or say that will make up his mind. The whole career difference/your parents in my opinion is an easy way of saying I don't want this relationship. How can he forecast your parents reaction without giving it a try, why is he being insecure about your profession.. The question is Do you really want someone who can't hack that you want to be successful? It sounds to me that he may be a little insecure about your career choice, and he can't deal with that.. Take this a RED flag let him decide things on his own... You need to stop contact with him, because obviously he doesn't want this relationship at this moment, let him sit and think about his decision to be without you. The truth is if someone wants you nothing can keep them away, if they don't want you nothing will make them stay.

Missing him, confusion, sadness, anger, grief are all normal parts of a breakup... but they won't last forever...

confused2345 · Mar 21, 2008, 11:26 AM

Thank you.

I agree. He is very confused and doesn't know what he wants. I am not contacting him because it seems the more I try, the further he goes. I want to give him time to miss me. I'm just leaving him alone. I get waves of confusion and questions- which hurts me a lot. He was my first love. Sometimes I don't know what to think because nothing makes sense.

jolienoire · Mar 21, 2008, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by confused2345

He was my first love

First love but not last romance... Don't allow because he was your first love to be a reason and look beyond the fact he can't accept your career, don't regret your past and don't fear your future, take it one day at a time.

Sometimes I don't know what to think because nothing makes sense.

It makes sense, you just don't want to imagine your life without him, you associated all your happiness with him, you allowed him to be your happiness, almost like an addiction, now you must wean yourself off him. Be happy with who you are and understand that people come into our lives for a reason.

confused2345 · Mar 21, 2008, 12:04 PM

You are right. My happiness did revolve around him. When he didn't call me I was miserable and when he did I was on cloud 9. I feel like he knew how much control he had over me. It truly was an addiction because I wasn't the happiest with him, yet I yearned for him more and more. I hope with time I'll become more independent and find happiness in other things and myself. I'm definitely not used to that so I hope I can allow myself to find that happiness.