[E12191G]

Well, me and him have been dating for only a little while. When we first started going out, we were so in love. He was attatched to me and I was attatched to him. We were inseparable. But I'm my passed, I have been cheated on in the passed. So now I get very suspicious about things that my Ex does. He's the type of person who likes to go out to parties and have a good time and drink. Well, I'm not there with him to know what's going on so I get a little frustrated and start thining things like, whose he with or what's he doing? I would ask him all of those questions and then I would make little remarks to him if he was with one of his friends. I would get jealous that he's with some other guy and not me. So I would think things because he wouldn't call me during the time I was with him. So, he started getting tired of it and then we had an argument he didn't like how we were arguing and stuff so he wanted to break up. Well. I convinced him not to break up with me and a couple days later he called me andtold me, he doesn't feel the same about me and that he doesn't think its going to work out. So here I am still so in love with him and then he tells me that his feelings changed. He told me he still wants me in his life so we can be friends. But he still tells me he loves me and misses me. But I don't know why if he loves me and misses me , why he's not with me. I want to get him back but for some reason its not working. He still doesn't want to be with me. I've told him how I feel and that I still want to work it out but he doesn't seem to want to for some reason. So I want to know how I can convince him or show him that our relationship can work out. He said he wants to get all of his things together like, get a job and a car and focus in school. But I don't know how I would get in the way with that. If anything I would want to help him. But I asked if I should wait for him when he's all done with that stuff. And he said no. he doesn't even know if he's going to want to be with anyone when he's done getting all his stuff together. So I don't know what to do... any help?

[kp2171]

You don't even believe it can work and yet you want him back?

He has cheated on you. You are suspicious of him. This isn't the hallmark of healty relationships.

Usually when someone breaks up with the other person, the person who calls it off has been thinking about it for some time... its usually not a momentary decision, unless there's a huge fight and someone says they are done in a huff.

Don't you think you deserve to be with someone you can trust? You can not worry about? I hope so.

And you just cannot make someone want to be with you. He knows you. He knows your relationship. He's decided its not as good a fit. Maybe some things can be worked out, but most of the time there is a break because its broken.

Sorry it's a tough time for you.

[E12191G]

For some reason. I really can't stand when I have a boyfriend and they want to go out and party. Don't get me wrong. I like to have fun too. Its just I always get a feeling something's going to happen behind my back. I get jelous when my boyfriend goes to parties and drinks. I get mad. I don't know why. But I do. I hate it myself because then it causes fights and break ups. I've been like this since my first boyfriend. I don't like it when they get high or anything. Its as if, if they drink I get upset because I feel like there cheating on me or if they get high I feel like there going to cheat on me. I've been cheated on in the passed and I know its not right to blame a new boyfriend for my old boyfriends mistakes but I can't hel it. I've tried and tried. This last time my ex told me its over if I don't stop so I stopped. But he left me anyway. So this is the cause of jealousy. I want to know ways that I can avoid being jelous and avoid arguments?

[JoeCanada76]

All I can say is an ex is an ex for a reason. So with that said, I think you need to accept that your not able to get him back and actually start to move on.

[JoeCanada76]

You should not convince him of anything. You can not force somebody to want to be with you. Each individual has to make their choice and he made his.

[JoeCanada76]

Is it possible to one day find somebody that has the same lifestyle, beliefs and feelings as you.

For example somebody that does not like partying, somebody that does not get high or drunk. Would this relieve your fear of somebody cheating on you?

You also need to know that just because somebody does not drink or smoke does not mean they could not possibly cheat as well. This is the thing you just never know.

I do understand because you have been through this it has damaged you in a certain way where you feel threatened and a wall is up to protect you. Jealously I would say defiantly stems from your experiences but you need to realize that that can push a lot of people away and can cause a lot of pressure and unnecessary hurt. It is almost like you want to hurt them or make sure they do not hurt you by putting up that wall.

In order to have any relationship work there needs to be trust. Did you ever consider any kind of counseling to help you through the issues of jealously. I personally would recommend it and it might help you find coping methods of dealing with what happened to you in the past, help you move past it and move forward.

Best wishes for your future.

Joe

[talaniman]

If these issues are not worked out they will mess up your relationship every time. Better to leave the relationships alone, while you resolve your own personal issues, and learn to let go and move beyond the events of the past.

[talaniman]

I wish I had read this post before your other, as I think the same thing applies here, as you should work on yourself, and accept who you are, and then learn to accept who others are, and not take their decisions so personal. Work on yourself and learn to let the fears and insecurities go and live for the now. Until these issues are resolved all your future relationships will be sabotaged by the events of the past.

[E3317]

Gay people to worry about the same things as straight people. There is always the posibillity that something like that would happen, but if you live your life worring about this all the time you won't enjoy your life as much as you should. What are the odds.

[E12191G]

Ok here it goes, I have this ex boyfriend and we just broke it off a couple of days ago. I know he's not the one for me and I'm trying to get over him. But he's started drinking and going to parties and I'm still getting a little upset about the whole thing. He told me that he wasn't going to date for a while and he was going to get things going in his life. Well I think about it and if he does get with someone else ill be hurt. But I know he's not the one for me. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. I just want to be a good ffriend of his now.he doesn't want a relationship and I'm tired of getting screwed over in relationships so I want to be single for a while. So I need help. What do I do so that if he's talking to me and he mentions something I dotn like, what can I do to avoid getting mad at him? He's not mine anymore I know that and he's not the one for me but for some reason I still get a little jealous. . Any advice on how to make it all stop and get over him?

[serena6878]

It is normal for your feeling now. People might leave someone, know new ones, and marry them, finding her own happiness.
There must be someone waiting for you in some corner of this world. One of the contents of life is to forget. After forgetting old ones, we can meet one whose name is written on the star with ours.
Life is transient. Just to cherish what you are possessing, there are a lot in the future for you to experience.
You would be stronger after you get over him.
I still wish you two someday would be together, if at that time you both are more mature, and understand more of life. Whoever in your prospect, I wish you would be happy.
Don't forget to smile to him when seeing him again.

[talaniman]

How about leaving him alone long enough for you to get over him?? Stop being around, and stay out of his business, and do something else that you enjoy. By keeping contact, your only making it harder to move on.

[E12191G]

OK here's the deal, I went out with some guy and then he left me out of no where. He said we argue too much and he can't do it anymore. He told me he wants to stay focused in school and get a job. I asked if he wants me to wait for him and he said no. so a week later he poseted somethingon myspace to someone else saying that he misses him and all that stuff. So I asked him about it and he said it was just a friend. Then a few months later he calls me and everythigns cool. Were having a good time talking. Then he confesses to me that he hooked upwith someone else right after me. Which means he lied to me about several things. I've heard that he's cheated on me but its never been proved. To tell the truth I believe it. So its been about 7 months since I've talked to the guy. Then out of no where he asked to be my friend on myspace. He sent me a message saying "hey". I don't know if I should reply becausee then that means he's going to want to talk to me more,or should I just deny his request and ignore his messsage? My stomach always drops when he contacts me. I dontknow why because I don't feel nothing for him anymore. So please give me any advice.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Just start slow. Friends first then possibly the next step.

How old are you by the way?

[lostsoul29]

ok heres the deal, i went out with some guy and then he left me out of no where. he said we argue to much and he can't do it anymore. he told me he wants to stay focused in school and get a job. i asked if he wants me to wait for him and he said no. so a week later he poseted somethingon myspace to someone else saying that he misses him and all that stuff. so i asked him about it and he said it was just a friend. then a few months later he calls me and everythigns kool. were having a good time talking. then he confesses to me that he hooked upwith someone else right after me. which means he lied to me about several things. ive heard that hes cheated on me but its never been proved. to tell the truth i believe it. so its been about 7 months since ive talked to the guy. then out of no where he asked to be my friend on myspace. he sent me a message saying "hey". i dont know if i should reply becausee then that means hes going to want to talk to me more,or should i just deny his request and ignore his messsage? my stomach always drops when he contacts me. i dontknow why because i dont feel nothign for him anymore. so please give me any advice.

Okayy my ex boyfriend did the same thing & I accepted and replyed and he did the same thing to me all over if you accept make sure of your intentions with him if you want to get involved again then accept if you think it will just lead to hurt then just deny the request and save time of heartbreak

[Bluerose]

No harm in talking but don't agree to anything you don't want to. Talking is the only way you'll know if there is anything left between you.