[amron123]

Hi. I'm new to this website. I've been in a 3 1/2 year relationship with my boyfriend. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me any moment he can. But we have several problems, he doesn't see them as problems but I do. #1. he won't kiss me #2 he never wants to be intimate with me #3 he's told me in the past and we have had many discussions over this... he doesn't want to get married #4 this past November I accidentally used his cell phone only to find he was texting 3 females and they were sending perverted messages to each other and the 3 girls had all send him naked pictures of themselves. He tells me he's not ready for marriage because he's only been divorced 4 years. I could wait for this but I don't understand why he won't kiss me and why he never wants to be intimate. We were last intimate about 6 weeks ago. I've broken up with him several times but he keeps coming back , he tells me he loves and doesn't want to be without me. He tells me to give him more time. I'm really interested in hearing what the guys think... I'm a 38 year old female, he's 36 and I don't get it. I want to remarry someday. Should I stick it out or end it? Is he still texting? Cheating? Oh by the way, he claims he never cheated, because he never touched anyone else but me! Help I'm lost, dazed, and very confused...

[JBeaucaire]

The situation is pretty clearly stated in your own message. If you hadn't written the message above, how would you respond to your daughter if she'd written this to you? Honestly, what would you say?

At your age (our age) you should know by now that men are pretty consistent. They are what they do, and they tend to do the same things.

Your boyfriend is being completely honest with you about who he is WITH YOU. What he does on his cell phone with other girls may be irrelevant right now, though it wouldn't be if you two were actually serious.

Does that sound harsh? I'm trying to be straight, this guy isn't in love with you, he's in love with being around you. You must be a great girl, so that should be taken as a compliment that he comes back AT you every time you two break up.

But be clear, he isn't coming back TO you, he's coming back AT you. You've told him what you need in a relationship and he doesn't provide it. He's showing you LOUD AND CLEAR what a life with him would be like. It would be exaclty like it is today, except he might still be text/flirting with other women... or maybe not. But regardless, with YOU, you already know what your relationship will be like.

So, the only question isn't for him, it's for you. You've dated him for almost 4 years. Is the relationship you have with him today sufficient for you for the rest of your life? Answer THAT. Then go on that answer.

If the answer is "no, he has to change"... well, he's not going to change, is he? You've been telling him this for years and he hasn't changed, so he's already answered you.

Honestly, is there any doubt what the situation is here? If you desire marriage and intimacy and the whole barrel, I trust you know you've hung around this guy long enough.