[confused123]

Ok well I have been struggleing to help my boyfriend forget about his ex girlfriend and I was wondering if there's something that I could do to help him through this. Its been awhile since they broke, he was only 15 at the time and now is 17. His ex girlfriend would have been 16 at the time.What happened was his ex would tell him over and over how much she loved him and he believed her with all his heart and considered her to be his first love. What ended up happening was he caught her with another guy having sex (my boyfriend never had sex with her).

This completely crushed him and now he has a lot of trust issues. When we have a disagreement or a fight that will make me really upset he'll just say why don't u find another boyfriend that won't hurt u.. It was never a physical fight, he would never do anything to hurt me physically. Its just now he has this thought that he's never going to be good enough for me and I tell him constantly that he's perfect the way he is. He has even told me that its hard for him to believe that I won't do something like what she did to him. And its so crazy for me to hear that because I know I would never do anything like that ever, it kills me just to see him upset with me.

It just seems like nothing I say will ever convince him that I want to be with him so much, and that a little fight won't make me want to leave him or make me do something crazy like cheat on him.

Some other things that has happened was that he'll end up doing something that will really upset me and he'll realize what he did was wrong and then say something like he's sorry but he doesn't want to become completely attached to me and trust me, so that if I cheat on him he won't be as hurt. When he says that to me I don't know how to respond because it seems completely ridiculous. I know that he's attached to me though he tries to tell himself he's not. We'll be graduating next year and he talks about us going to college together and stuff so I know he wants a future together so I don't understand why he won't except the fact that I feel the same way as he does. I just wish I knew the right things to say to help him forget. I've been really patient with this when the subject is brought up and I try to be comforting reminding him I would never do anything like that to him. Is there any other ways to help him over come his past?

[Wildcat21]

How about... STOP BRINGING IT UP AND TALKING ABOUT IT!!

HUGE mistake talking about it. The more you bring it up the MORE YOU PUSH HIM AWAY!!

It's called the past - move forward. It's all negative talk.

You sound a little needy. Not good for a relationship. QUIT bringing up the serious stuff and have fun!!

[Wildcat21]

You're setting relationship WAY back bringing up all this crap. It doesn't work that way. You KEEP puttin gpresure on him and you're pushing him away.

[confused123]

I didn't mean for it to come across as me bringing it up all the time because that's not the case at all. He's usually the one to bring up, I'm the one that just wants to put it in the past and forget about it like it never happened. But he can't seem to do that. He usually brings it up when we fight over something and ends up pushing me away by saying id be happier like she was and find someone new.

[DrJ]

Sounds like he needs to get his head out of his @ss.

This is VERY unhealthy. Without trust, your relationship will never survive. It was 2 years ago... tell him to GET OVER IT! If he cant, YOU are better off finding someone else.

This guy will have relationship issues forever if he doesn't get over it.

If you really want to stay with this guy, seek counseling. Period.

[Wildcat21]

You need to have him stop this now. Say "that's boring" "lets talk about something else"

It sounds like he may be pushing you away. Maybe he wasn't ready for another relationship and if he brings it up.

It also seems like he is using it against the way you put it in the last post and that's not healthy.

I assume the ex dumped him? If so, she's donewit hhim and not to worry. PLUS that was like 2 years ago? That's a long time - he may have deeper issues.

You have to get him stop brininging it up - it's over.

[giggles]

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS?
I agree with Drjizzle, he's got his head up his a*se.
This is ridiculous, completely stupid. So he's not over his ex girlfriend? Then why is it OK to be in a relationship with you? What can he give you? Love? Doesn't sound like it.
And you want to HELP him get over her? Are you crazy in the head? No offence, I'm just trying to push this one home. So now, you've put her on the pedestal too? "how do we both fight against this pain and overcome the damage of the ex?" Don't give this situation more consideration than it's worth.
I also think, (sorry I'm coming down so hard here, I just hate when guys go on like this) that he's being VERY manipulative with you
"he'll just say why dont u find another bf that wont hurt u..?"
THIS PROVES HE'S JUST THINKING OF HIMSELF AND FEELING VERYSORRY FOR HIMSELF. WHY DON'T YOU INDEED!
"he doesnt want to become completely attached to me and trust me, so that if i cheat on him he wont be as hurt"
WHY can't YOU SEE THIS FOR THE INSULT IT IS? Don't take this man's scraps. He has major issues, let him sort them out alone. You will look back and wonder why you put yourself down in this way by standing by him. It demeans you. Please please, see you are better than this. "if you cheat on him" - come on! You know you deserve better
WALK!!

[DrJ]

(Id rep you, giggles... but I got to spread some love first!)

giggles nailed it on this one and way to drive it home! :cool:

[giggles]

Lol cheers, this post just got me going I think!
I think this guy is outlandish to treat confused123 this way and involve her in his past like that. So what if an ex cheated on him? We've all been cheated on at one stage or another, knowingly or not but we don't take it out on future partners! It shows a total weakness and is a little pathetic.
:mad:

[Wildcat21]

Something isn't right in Denmark. It's been TWO years and he can't get over her?

Hun, I hate this saying, but he just isn't that into you. Plus he needs to see a therapist.