[Focused_on_Her]

I am 44 and recently remarried to a wonderful 50 year old woman. We have a very active sex life and it is orgasmic for us both. However, sometimes when she is "riding the pony", I lose some of the strength in my erection. She will usually just bend down and nibble on my neck for a minute or two and then my erection regains it's strength. I don't have any problems with this issue when I am on top of her or standing or any other position for that matter, only when I am totally supine and she is bouncin' and grindin'. Any thoughts on why this might be happening to me?

[XenoSapien]

You might not like it like that. Have other women who have been on top done the same thing to you? Are you the 'control' person of the relationships you have had?

XenoSapien

[kraz]

Maybe too rough or bouncy for your liking? Has it always been this way or has she recently changed the way she is 'bouncin and grindin" for some reason.

You could ask her to go easy a bit and see if that makes a difference?

Could be you don't like it when she has control of the situation??

[Focused_on_Her]

I thought about that, but no that is not the case. I don't feel like it's a control issue. As for the too rough or bouncy, no it hasn't changed. We made love last night and everything was just fine. I have always enjoyed what I refer to as the "LazyBoy" position. (you know, lay there and hold on. ;) It has not been a problem for me in the past with other lovers. As a more mature man, I have devoted my lovemaking to making sure that both of us are totally satisfied. This has resulted in much longer lovemaking sessions than when I was a younger man.

Of course, when I was younger, it was truly all about me and what I needed to do to reach the top, but now with my bride, its about satisfaction and the intimacy that we are sharing.

I spent the majority of our time together last night focusing on what I was feeling instead of worrying or thinking about my erection and it worked great. I didn't have any problems with strength. Perhaps I has been worried about orgasm'ng too soon or other things.

[kp2171]

Well, sensations for you can be different with her on top, just as they can for her.

Often the "row the boat" motion, with her gliding more front to back, and less up and down, limits your cycle of penetration and withdrawl... meaning your unit gets less overall stimulation, especially at the head.

I don't think its something to be worried about, just aware of. Knowing she can bite your neck to get you back is great. Personally, when I feel like I need a change in sensations to keep things right, her biting at my neck or ears is great... she can reach behind her and drag her nails over your scrotum (a great way to amp up sensations), she can suck on your finger or you on hers... the fingernails thing can be a big deal, because as silly as it sounds, you take out a lot of sensation when you aren't in a position like coming at her from behind... the swaying and smacking of the guys against her can amp up the sensations. So funny... get hit there playing ball and you double over, get grabbed or scratched there in sex and you mind interprets that pain as exciting.

Just some things to keep it mixed up... the more your body has to guess where the next sensation is going to hit, the more you can stay strong in the moment, at least in my experience. I also try to make sure my partner doesn't do some of these things too soon... for ex, she loves to nibble at my ears, but I try to have her hold back on this until I'm close to orgasm... saving it for later makes it more intense.

[kraz]

Stay relaxed and let it ride... keep practicing:D

I to have found love making gets way better with age and experience and the freedom (and knowing I can't get pregnant again, lol)

Enjoy a wonderful long, loving and healthy marriage!

[Focused_on_Her]

well, sensations for you can be different with her on top, just as they can for her.

often the "row the boat" motion, with her gliding more front to back, and less up and down, limits your cycle of penetration and withdrawl... meaning your unit gets less overall stimulation, especially at the head.

i dont think its something to be worried about, just aware of. knowing she can bite your neck to get you back is great. personally, when i feel like i need a change in sensations to keep things right, her biting at my neck or ears is great... she can reach behind her and drag her nails over your scrotum (a great way to amp up sensations), she can suck on your finger or you on hers... the fingernails thing can be a big deal, because as silly as it sounds, you take out a lot of sensation when you arent in a position like coming at her from behind... the swaying and smacking of the guys against her can amp up the sensations. so funny... get hit there playing ball and you double over, get grabbed or scratched there in sex and you mind interprets that pain as exciting.

just some things to keep it mixed up... the more your body has to guess where the next sensation is going to hit, the more you can stay strong in the moment, at least in my experience. i also try to make sure my partner doesnt do some of these things too soon... for ex, she loves to nibble at my ears, but i try to have her hold back on this until im close to orgasm... saving it for later makes it more intense.

That was a remarkable answer. We have been discussing this and it is improving each time. I particularly like the "row the boat" analogy, because that is what she is doing and what brings her the most pleasure. I am enjoying it very much and still trying to focus on what I am feeling. Our lovemaking seems to have increased in duration and intensity and I couldn't be happier. Thanks to you for the wonderful comment and advice.

[kp2171]

Thrilled you are talking openly, constructively, and honestly.

Knowing that motion gets a response out of her, even if it doesn't provide the stim you exactly need, can hopefully be a charge in itself. Talk to her about what you can do to push her over as well in this position... again, sucking on a finger can be good, your hands giving little "smacks" at her rear can send a little shock wave through the pelvis (but some can find the act distracting, so follow her lead or response), sometimes your thumbs placed at the inside of her pelvis kind of in between the leg and the pubic region, as she's gliding back and forth can apply pressure at a couple of points (again, her response can tell you lots) as well as pressure points at her rear where you can push with your fingers or drag your fingers across.

Sometimes in this position my partner wants my hands either wrapped around her ribs, just under the breasts or even up at her neck so she can push into my hands for some pressure but not feel like I'm choking her. And like I mention for the sensations you want to feel, try some of these things out, but not necessarily too soon. Goal is to keep her body guessing about what new sensation that going to hit.

All that said, trying to plan it all out too much can also distract you from being mentally lost in the moment... so do exactly what you are doing... talking, trying, and having fun.

I'm a big proponent of reading about sex, so don't neglect that avenue. Most books on sex or sensual touch or massage aren't perfect as a single fix. A book on positions might help understand how to better stim her as she needs, but there will be positions you don't care for and sections that just don't help. Likewise, books on sensial touch or massage don't need to be followed page for page, but a few basic concepts and techniques might help you build sensual tension... personally, skin on skin massage and touch is one of the biggest things I've found useful in my bedroom. By the time I've spent some time on her rubbing her down, gliding my skin over hers, both of our bodies are amped, and the skin is the biggest erotic zone we have, so use it all. Likewise, She Comes First was a nice read about giving oral to a woman (my wife opened it and after a few minutes exclaimed "This guy knows how to go down on a woman!"... better believe we bought that damn book that day), but just one little fact about the female anatomy helped me understand a "trick" my partner responds to greatly.

So maybe think about some books? If you find something you like it can be fun to read and pass on to your partner with sections of interest marked or dogeared. And many books are done thoughtfuly, tastefully, and aren't gross or sleezy.