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anongirl17 · Feb 19, 2008, 02:46 AM

Hi,

I feel terrible about this but I genuinely feel I have no control over it. Basically, I keep lying to one of my friends for no apparent reason. They started as little white lies but twice I have told him something extremely serious, and he tried to make me go to the police about one of them. I actually told another friend the most serious one too, and she also tried to make me go to the police.

It's not like it's spontaneous either. I spend hours planning an imaginary "situation" to make sure it's realistic. I have the two big "main lies" that I use and I build on them to make a huge situation. I just cannot understand why I do it. I don't know if I subconsciously crave attention or sympathy or what. It might help if I add that I have moderate depression.

I just need to tell someone about this because I feel so guilty. Is there anything I can do? Do other people do this?

Thanks for reading.

Greg Quinn · Feb 19, 2008, 03:38 AM

I had a friend named Carl who did that too. I hope your lie is only damaging to you and you haven't implicated someone in some sort of falsified legal accusation. Not knowing what the big lie entails makes it difficult to help you in some ways. On one hand, if you think you could stop lying and the big lie is something everyone can live? Then maybe you could put it under your belt and keep your friends trust.
On the other hand, your friends are advising you to go to the police. That could mean you are saying something happened to you that was illegal and harmful to you by somebody else's doing. Could this come back one day and bite you or this other person? If so, coming clean and giving the honest explanation is the noble and first step to healing this potentially massive problem.
10 Things You Need to Know About Lies & Lying

1. Lying is the number one reason that people lose trust.
2. The most common reason that people lie is to avoid confrontation. Getting in trouble is never fun but lying to avoid it is always a "band-aid" solution. When the truth comes out the confrontation is guaranteed to be even more unpleasant than it would have been without the lie. A lie compounds the problem, it doesn't solve it.
3. Another common reason people lie is to make themselves seem "better" or more interesting. This sort of lying can be a sign of low self esteem, problems at home, or depression.
4. Lies are like dominos - one lie can knock out whole relationships, destroy entire aspects of your life or even limit your future in unforeseeable ways.
5. Lies are a gamble. Every time you lie you gamble with being caught.
6. Lies have a way of getting out and coming back to haunt you.
7. The worst lies are the ones you tell yourself. When you lie to others you are also lying to yourself.
8. Chronic lying can signal a psychiatric or social disorder. If you find yourself "lying for no reason" or to cover up behavior that you know is harmful consider seeking professional help.
9. Lies can damage yourself image and cause inner conflicts (like dissonance) that drastically change the way you view, and act upon, the world and other people.
10. "Little white lies" are lies that are told about superficial things and are told when the truth would only serve to hurt another person. They ARE NOT told to avoid confrontation or cover up the harmful actions of another person. For example: telling another friend that a haircut looks good when you don't really like it is a "little white lie", telling your parents that you are spending the night at a friend's house so that you can stay out past curfew is NOT.
Teen Advice Information Sheet About Lies & Lying

anongirl17 · Feb 19, 2008, 03:45 AM

Thank you for your reply. One of the serious lies is that I was raped by an ex boyfriend, but the friend doesn't know the guy (because he doesn't exist). I thought by making him up rather than saying it was someone real nobody can get into trouble. None of the lies could get anybody into trouble apart from myself :(

Greg Quinn · Feb 19, 2008, 03:59 AM

I'm glad to hear that. What you did there was showing a great amount of suffering in order to receive sympathy,attention seeking. Its more common than you think!
How old are you? Wait... 17?
Its ultimately up to you about telling your friends the truth, but eventually you can end up telling too many lies and pushing your friends away in fear of getting caught.
Another thing is eventually you will get caught. I'll look into it more and see if there are ways to help stop this behaviour.

anongirl17 · Feb 19, 2008, 04:05 AM

Is it? I feel like I must be the only person evil enough to do that! It's just so wrong and I wish I didn't do it :(
Yes I'm 17.

ChronicLiar · May 22, 2008, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by anongirl17

Hi,

I feel terrible about this but I genuinely feel I have no control over it. Basically, I keep lying to one of my friends for no apparent reason. They started as little white lies but twice I have told him something extremely serious, and he tried to make me go to the police about one of them. I actually told another friend the most serious one too, and she also tried to make me go to the police.

It's not like it's spontaneous either. I spend hours planning an imaginary "situation" to make sure it's realistic. I have the two big "main lies" that I use and I build on them to make a huge situation. I just cannot understand why I do it. I don't know if I subconsciously crave attention or sympathy or what. It might help if I add that I have moderate depression.

I just need to tell someone about this because I feel so guilty. Is there anything I can do? Do other people do this?

Thanks for reading.

I do this.. I spend all night doing to same thing.. making sure it is realistic.. just check out my post... I feel like a monster sometimes because I know it hurts people.. but I still do it... I mean I won't break a promise because it hurts people But I will lie to them... I am glad I am not alone though.. that way we can all help each other through this... Also I lied about the same thing.. that an ex raped me.. but my mom thinks I did that one because I was trying to channel what really happened to me through a different sit. So I would not have to tell people that it was really my uncle... and If you don't get professional help like now then you might end up like me.. I make up lies even about my best friends and even the princapal... I go to a private school so I almost got kicked out for it... I don't know just how about I give you my email and I can help keep you accountable by just checking in on you every now and then.. I just don't want you to end up like me.. you think ou are bad now just wait a year or two and you will be like... I feel right now I am in a pit... that I can't get out of... I was headed down a valley then I hit rock bottom (where you are at right now) and I thought that was it but then I found a way to move the rocks and dig beath that surrface... If you don't want me to keep you accountable at least promise me you will tell someone that can help you stay accoutable? A teacher, a friend, a neighbor, anyone you can trust...

brittany3055 · Oct 5, 2009, 04:47 PM

Do not worry. I am wondering the same thing. I make up serious lies too and it is like I can't control it. I made up a lie that I guy tried to kidnap me, but that guy does not even exist. I also made up a lie that my mom abuses me and that my birth dad raped me. I do not know why I do it and I really want to stop. I just turned 17 too. I am glad that I am not the only one. Maybe we can try and help one another. Maybe that will help us figure out why we do what we do. You are not a bad person at all. Please do not think that.

lcjones · Oct 11, 2010, 03:27 PM

I need to know what is wrong with my husband. I have been with my husband for 23 years. I met him in the army. He seemd like a great guy. A year later, we both got out of the army and moved to his hometown in central Florida. Being around his family, I started seeing a change in him. He started trying to put me down in front of his family. His family is very jealous of each other. His mother favors other siblings and she will do more for some than she will for others. (my husband is the baby in the family but he is not the favored one) After being around his family I noticed my husbands older sister talkes bad about him and puts him down a lot. When he is talking, she will interrupt him very rudely as if what he is saying doesn't matter. The big thing is my husband will do nothing to defend himself around them. He has two sisters and three brothers, and its kind of like he is the private and the rest of them are the seargents. They started getting comfortable with me and started trying to come at me like they come at my husband, trying to put me down, but being a native new yorker, I quickly put them in their place. The bad part about this is my husband will not defend me at all! When I put them in their place, he would say things like "Dont talk to my family like that!" Even though they would do the same thing to him and he would just put his head down and say nothing! I asked him why doesn't he speak up for himself and he would say "It's nothing" or "They don't mean anything by saying that." Of course I didn't like his family, but they were not the only problem. Being this is his hometown, he has a lot of schoolmates he grew up with. I noticed he would do a little too much for them. His old friends would use him and take advantage of him and he would allow it. It caused a lot of arguments with me and him because I felt like he was "Buying friends" He would do things and give them things for their acceptance. Things like Buying drugs for someone because they did not want to get in trouble and hiding guns in our home for a drug dealers. I asked him was their something in his childhood that went wrong maybe neglect to make him so gullible. He was not like this when I met him in the army. He just became like this when he got around his family and his childhood environment. Of course he would say he had a great childhood and nothing was wrong with him. One day he just started crying and told me when he was in the army, He was deployed to saudi and was in combat. He told me he killed 12 people and buried bodies and that was what was wrong with him. I asked him We've been together for over 23 years! Why didn't you ever tell me! You've told me about being stationed in Korea, Fort Polk, and Germany where we met. But never this. He told me it was top secret that was the reason he never told me! We've been out of the army for over 22 years. No one is going to do anything to you! I'm your wife, and for 22 years you hid this from me! He told me that's why he acts like this around his family and his old friends. It didn't add up to me because killing people and burning bodies would not make you allow people to use you and allow family members to talk down to you. I kept questioning him about this "Saudi" thing because to me it sounds like he just made this up! As the monthes went on, He was telling EVERYONE about killing people and burning bodies! Anyone who would listen! Almost like he was BRAGGING about it! Well I could not take living in fla anymore so we moved to NC around my family. We went to the VA Hospital one day to take advantage of the free medical benefits there since we both had honorable discharges. We had to fill out this long questionnaire and one of the questions was " have you ever served in any combat duty assignments. and I checked no. When I looked over at his, he also checked no. I asked him about Saudi and he started lying saying now it was only a training assignment. I told him how can it be training when you said you killed people and buried bodies? I continued to question him until he told me it was all a lie! He made the whole thing up! I asked him WHY?!?!? He would just tell me he doesn't know. The man is 48 years old!! He cried to me about this!! And to make matters worse, he bragged to other people about this!! Crying to other people about how he felt about making all of these Saudi women and children Widows and orphans!! and come to find out all of this was a lie and all he can tell me is "I don't know why I lied about that!" I say it is because of how he grew up. Always being put down and letting people use him. All he says is that I don't know. Now we live around my family. I told him not to mention Saudi to my family because I don't want my family to think he's crazy because he lied about all of this. But I can't help to wonder why he lied at all! He won't answer me! Maybe someone out there can answer this for me. Is this a form of low self esteem? Is he doing this for attention? Is it a form of Munchausen? I'm not sure. Please help me! My husband is a very sweet man, But I think being raised in such a neglective family and environment has done something to his head! Someone please respond.

beachloverjohn · Oct 11, 2010, 05:47 PM

Many people make up stories to make themselve sound more interesting to other people. I think you make up these lies for not only attention, but the sympathy it might bring. People that lie eventually get caught because they can never remember what they said when they lied. A lot easier to tell the truth, and you never know what trouble you can get someone into with the kind of stories you tell. So you need to put an end to the yarns. But if you like to make things up, then when you finish your education, the perfect job might be as a writer for one of the tabloid newspapers.