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spiderbear · Feb 18, 2008, 07:40 PM

:confused: I have a complicated family... here goes: My Mom had an affair with my uncle (My Dad's sisters husband) sounds like a daytime talk show doesn't it? My Mom was abused verbally and physically by my Dad and my Uncle basically saved her (doesnt make it right obviously) but they have been happily married for 16 years. I lived with my Dad for 5 years after the divorce and we were very close, now however we are not so close. He doesn't listen to me about anything, he knows very little about me and if he were a superhero his name would be "Interruptor" My Mom and him have not spoken since the divorce and once they ran into each other when I was older and living with my Mom (about 15 yrs old) and I almost blacked out from an anxiety attack... what makes this worse is that I am very close to my Aunt (my Dad's sister and my Step-Dad's Ex wife) I would like her at the wedding too but then that is 2 split up couples that haven't seen each other since the 80's I am having a small wedding in a place that seats only 60 so it will be hard for them not to run into each other. The stress of thinking about this makes me just want to elope, or not invite my Dad at all. My Mom is walking me down the aisle which will probably kill him. I am going to be 29 when my wedding rolls around this summer so one would think that all this divorce stuff would be behind me but the little kid that lived with my Dad can't help thinking about all the times that he told me he wanted to kill my uncle/stepdad and how he would do it, I was 6 years old and I don't think I got over hearing that. I was too young to understand betrayal and that sort of anger. Im hoping someone can help me I have no idea what to do... did I mention that my step dad and I are very close and he has been more of a supportive Dad to me than my real Dad ever was? Sorry for the novel I have been wanting to get that off my chest for awhile any commentary would be super...
Thanks

rockerchick26 · Feb 18, 2008, 07:46 PM

Here's what I think... regardless of your past, if any part of you feels you MAY regret not asking him to be there, then you should try to include him. You don't want to look back at one of the most important days in your life and feel regretful that you didn't at least ask him to come. Hopefully any family members who don't agree with his presence will be able to put any feelings aside for one day and realize that it's your day.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 18, 2008, 08:10 PM

While maybe not part, he should be invited to the wedding.

kraz · Feb 21, 2008, 05:07 AM

You are between a rock and a hard place.
You could tell your dad that you would like him to be present at your wedding, but let him know that if he can not behave himself and thinks he will start an ugly scene, he will not be welcome.
You mentioned you would like your aunt there also, you could ask her if she would feel comfortable in attending?
It is your wedding day and it should be a stressless as possible and filled with happy and wonderful memories.

mirandycc · Feb 21, 2008, 10:24 AM

I agree completely with all of these posts

Mr_am · Feb 22, 2008, 07:45 PM

Invite your dad and tell him that he is welcome. At the same time try to prepare him to the scene and how important it is to let things go nice and easy. On the other side.. try to prepare your mother's side (opposite) to stay vigilant and not to make things worse. Try to be closer to your dad.. diplomacy.. and make sure he would not do anything wrong once invited. Be nice to all people.. and good luck.