[cheethagirl]

Hello, Im a little troubled as to my ability to please my newly husband. Im a 23 year old newly wed and yes I did marry virgin. I don't know if this had something to do with it but here it goes. My first time with my husbad went horribly bad, he was so loving and tried so hard not to make it hurt but it was impossible. It got so bad that it turned him off and would not touch me for a while thinking that it would hurt. Now we are OK but still I don't orgasm, I don't even know what an orgasm feels like. My husbad being a bit more experienced knows a bit more and how a women suppose to feel ( I think your vagina muscles contract when an orgasm is occuring). However, I don't know what it feels like or anything. I mean I feel OK when we are doing it but sometimes depending on the position it feels like he's pressing down or pushing to hard where it feels he presses my internal organs and make it hurt or make it unconfortable for me to enjoy. I don't know what to do or what to say or of I'm doing something wrong. He has tried oral and different positions but I don't know if he's doing it rite or not or if I need to be turned on more. Please share your advice I am a bit afraid and desperate that my husbad thinks I don't love him enough to orgasm!! :(

[kp2171]

Deep breath.

I'm a guy, but my experience is that a woman's body can be more complicated than a mans...

After all... with a guy its usually some version of "push, pull" repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Money shot.

So...

First, if you look at the threads here you'll see this isn't uncommon. That's the good and bad news.

So... first its upon you to figure out what you like. Don't be shy. This is about sex. No time to hide behind embarrassment.

Can you get yourself off with self stimulation? If you haven't tried, please do. Until you know your own body, you can't expect a partner you know it better than you.

Second... postitions can make a difference. All of my previous partners were able to get to orgasm with the man on top, missionary. My current partner, my wife, had never, ever done this... not with me, not with any other man she has dated. She likes how it feels, but nothing seems to drive her over the edge. Can't tell you how many times in this position I've held back, thinking she would get over the top... in the end she didn't and I held back... so nobody was happy...

Point is... there are some positions that work for her and some that don't. That said, my previous partner could ALWAYS get off with the man on top, missionary, with some self stimulation or finger stim by me...

So...

This mean you need to know what you seem to respond to. It is not so simple as saying "find the cl!t"... what my previous partner loved, my current partner hates.

Then you need to talk and talk and talk.

Most men want to please their partners, even if they are clueless... so the more you can ask for, or even demand, the better he will be able to please you.

Its no fun sometimes being a "traffic cop" in bed... but sometimes you need to get through this phase before you can really get lost in the moment.

[spitvenom]

with a guy its usually some version of "push, pull" repeat. repeat. repeat. money shot.

KP That is one of the funniest things I have ever read!!

Cheethagirl Maybe have your husband try to give you an orgasm through oral sex. Since most of it is external you might not be so worried about the pressure and pushing on internal organs. This way you can lay back relax and "let it flow" so to speak. Once you get that first one out of the way you will become more relaxed and it will start to click. Don't worry about your husband saying you are not orgasming because you do not love him enough. Trust me I made girls orgasm who were NOT in love with me AT ALL!!

[slapshot_oi]

Most women don't get off on sex alone. I've only seen it twice, and one of the girls was a multi-orgasmer.

Oral sex is the answer, as spitvenom already said, you're man has to do it. Have him go down on you until you orgasm before sex, and then have sex. It's an acquired skill so he might have a learning curve if cunnilingus isn't his bag of chips.

[Handyman2007]

"Most women don't get off on sex alone."

slapshot_oi,, what planet are you from? Women,, I mean over 35 or 40, are very prgasmic from SEX only(what ever that is supposed to mean).

Cheetahgirl,, Make an appointment to see a gynecologist. ASK questions. Learn about your body so you can help your husband learn about what makes it work and what doesn't. Like anything, practice makes perfect!!

[FallenFromGrace]

Handyman.. I'm sure there are a lot of woman that like clitoral stimulation and need it as well. I mean, I highly doubt that when I turn 35 my body is going to go "Poof.. forget about your , honey.. a penis is all you need."

I think what Slapshot meant when he said "sex alone" is that women tend to require more than just that in and out motion that usually brings an end to the male task in under a minute.

[Handyman2007]

I am assuming that he really meant "intercourse". "Sex" actually refers to any sexual activity. Intercourse is of course, intercourse, of course. I am sorry I misunderstood the statement.

[kraz]

Everyone has given you some wonderful advice.
You need to also realize that an orgasm for a woman is also psychological not just physical. We need to be in the right frame of mind, comfortable, relaxed, open and honest with your husband when you are being intimate and don't get anxious about not having orgasms, the more stressed you are the harder it will be the relax and enjoy the pleasures. With some women it takes a while before they become orgasmic.

If you are comfortable with your own body, you might want to start touching and caressing yourself, finding out what you like. Start caressing your breasts, your stomach, hips, thighs, touching and stroking your clitoris and stimulating it, learn and find out if you can bring yourself to orgasm and then you can share this with your husband. Hint, the position where the female is on top and straddles the male, enabled women to be in control and also to self stimulate their clitoris to reach orgasm. A glass or two of wine might relax you?

If you are experiencing pain or discomfort you need to tell your husband, he will understand, he doesn't want you to be in pain, he wants you to enjoy it.

To be honest with you, I have a very healthy sex life with my husband, but I don't orgasm every time we make love, he knows this, but I still enjoy the closeness and love we share together.

I have listed a couple of books that have been around for years, but I think were helpful! :D

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask by Dr David Reubens and
The art of sexual ecstasy, by Margo Anand

[slapshot_oi]

"Most women don't get off on sex alone."

slapshot_oi,,,,,,what planet are you from?? women,,,I mean over 35 or 40, are very prgasmic from SEX only(what ever that is supposed to mean).

Sex only means sex only, I don't see how that is confusing. In other words, penetration, and yes, this is true.

I'm 22, so I'm still in the 19-26 year age range, the first time I sleep with a 40 year old cougar I'll remember your post.

[talaniman]

Hi Cheetagirl, congrats on the marriage. Your so lucky, you and your partner can start from scratch, and try everything under the sun, and see what you like and don't like, so be patient, and communicate with him, if it hurts, say so, if it feels good, say so, if your curious, say so. The bedroom is no place to be shy, or scared, so talk and listen, the fun is in doing, and learning. So whisper in his ear, and tell him what you want, and how you want it. He probably will do whatever you ask, and then he will do what you want. See we men are very easy to train.

[Handyman2007]

"You need to also realize that an orgasm for a woman is also psychological not just physical. We need to be in the right frame of mind, comfortable, relaxed..........."

Excuse me but men also need a lot of the same things. I agree that women "tend" tp need more of these things but again, I am in my 50's and let me tell you that the women I meet in my age group that are very sexually active are just plain horny and can have orgasm after orgasm without all of the prerequisites.

[katrina27]

Hello, Im a little troubled as to my ability to please my newly husband. Im a 23 year old newly wed and yes i did marry virgin. I dont know if this had something to do with it but here it goes. My first time with my husbad went horribly bad, he was so loving and tried so hard not to make it hurt but it was impossible. It got so bad that it turned him off and would not touch me for a while thinking that it would hurt. now we are ok but still i dont orgasm, i dont even know what an orgasm feels like. My husbad being a bit more experienced knows a bit more and how a women suppose to feel ( i think your vagina muscles contract when an orgasm is occuring). However, i dont know what it feels like or anything. i mean i feel ok when we are doing it but sometimes depending on the position it feels like hes pressing down or pushing to hard where it feels he presses my internal organs and make it hurt or make it unconfortable for me to enjoy. i dont know what to do or what to say or of im doing something wrong. he has tried oral and different positions but i dont know if hes doing it rite or not or if i need to be turned on more. please share your advice i am a bit afraid and desperate that my husbad thinks i dont love him enough to orgasm!!!!:(

You need to start by getting to know your body. You must rub your clitoris to orgasam. As you are a beginner I would suggest you do this on your own first a few times then ask your husband to do it.

[Choux]

Don't take the blame for your inability to orgasm upon yourself! You have been discouraged to be sexual by your parents, your religion and your culture!! And, then suddenly overnight, you are supposed to be sexually responsive, like it, and orgasm like a champ. That doesn't happen, virgin girl.

**Sex and the world of orgasm is not a natural for women raised to be sexually repressed.**

You have to teach yourself to be sexual and sensual. Start by getting a book of instruction on how to develop your sexuality and orgasm power... along with a vibrator, body lotion, and a hand mirror.

It will take a while to resurrect(pun intended) your sexual feelings from all the negativity of the past. You can do it!

[kraz]

Handyman2007, I am sorry if I bruised your ego, so please don't take offense. I was aiming my comment at young inexperienced women, not men and women with years (or decades) of sexual experience.

[Jyssa]

It's a very complex thing, women orgasming!

And it isn't actually necessary for thorough enjoyment of sex, either, as it appears to be with men.

I also find it difficult to orgasm with my husband (I think I sometimes do but I am not sure!) - I also married as a virgin, and it has taken me years to get near what I find satisfying sex (not helped by the fact that my particular husband is a jerk... )

My advice is this: concentrate on simply enjoying the sex, intimacy and love that you're sharing. An orgasm is not important. If you get there, enjoy that too, but don't hunt it like prey, or you'll probably stress yourself away from one faster than anything else!

And like someone previously said here, good sex for women is PSYCHOLOGICAL as well as physical. You need whole body and mind stimulation to get 'into' sex.
Good luck! Plenty of practice and love from your husband, and you will have a satisfying sex life pretty quickly.

P.S. be sure to let HIM know that you don't need an orgasm to have fully enjoyed sharing sex with him - then he won't be under any illusions about you not loving him or his body. Always talk about what goes on in the bedroom - lots of talk and openness and honesty about sex and what feels good will help you both!