[DadNeedsHelp]

:confused: I have a 16yr old son. Custody is with his mother. The minor has been in and out of court custody for behavior problems. He was released Jan 14, 2008. He is having a ton of problems, Gangs, drugs, incorrigible... Mom will not allow me to provide structure and reinforcement. The minor assaulted me, I hit him back, and restrained him until the police arrived, mom is trying to press charges against me for child abuse. This is nothing new for her. She will not report him for illegal activities. This has been going on for YEARS, and I have had enough. The Child knows what is right and wrong, but he is always defended by his Mom. I do not want to be liable for his activities. Can I have my Parental rights and responsibilities terminated? What do I do?

[N0help4u]

You can't get your rights terminated but you should tell her that if you have no say then there is no way you can be around him because you don't want to be involved in the choices both of them are making. Like if you want to terminate your rights I am guessing that is what you would be doing anyway so just do it without the paper. There is no reason you should end up in jail because of their dysfunction.

[Sand Daddy]

That's sad. I would at least try to get the courts to order that your son be placed into some kind of structured environment that will instill the values you yourself appear to hold in hopes of straitening him out.

An example would be Military School, etc. The courts are obligated to act in the best interest of the child first, parents interests second. I only see 2 issues here in the courts doing this.

1) His age. Your son is at the age that the courts will hear him out and consider his requests, that's consider! They are under no obligation to grant him any leeway.

2) Cost $$. Someone will have to pay for him to attend something like a Military School.

I'm not sure if this is the best route for your son or not, but at the very least will get you thinking about options. The courts can help, but you have to make them. In my experience, there are only 3 things that will save your son, maturity, a close call (fear) or a rude awakening (discipline & structure).

[twinkiedooter]

If he is that much of a "mess" then you need to distance yourself from him for a few years or until he shapes up. It seems that he has mom trained to cover his behind for him and you are the brunt of his attacks. Stay away physically is all you can do at this point and call him on the phone or visit him in jail where he can't physically attack you through a plate glass barrier.

[Sand Daddy]

If he is that much of a "mess" then you need to distance yourself from him for a few years or until he shapes up. It seems that he has mom trained to cover his behind for him and you are the brunt of his attacks. Stay away physically is all you can do at this point and call him on the phone or visit him in jail where he can't physically attack you through a plate glass barrier.

The teenage years are the toughest for children, it's when they need Mom & Dad the most. This kids Mom is obviously not going to step up and do what’s best for her son, but Dad on the other hand obviously wants to help, but feels that his hands are tied.

What this boy needs is for his Dad to not bail out on him, his mom obviously has left the building and has no intentions of taking on the responsibility, or effort required, to turn this boy into a responsible young man.

Walking away from responsibility is the cowards way out and will be of no value to this boy.

[Fr_Chuck]

Have you been to court lately to get custody away from the mother, it looks like that should be fairly easy to do with his record

[N0help4u]

This kids Mom is obviously not going to step up and do what’s best for her son, but Dad on the other hand obviously wants to help, but feels that his hands are tied.

What this boy needs is for his Dad to not bail out on him, his mom obviously has left the building and has no intentions of taking on the responsibility, or effort required, to turn this boy into a responsible young man.

Walking away from responsibility is the cowards way out and will be of no value to this boy.

But since mom has custody how is he supposed to do anything. With mom having the custody and them teaming up against him it is hard enough being a part time parent without all things against you.

[cdad]

You do have options available to you and so long as he's not dead there is always hope. DO NOT remove your influence from his life it will only make matters worse. Maybe if you can afford it or can find it on a sliding scale.. seek custody of your child. Also have you been going to his hearings ? Maybe you can strike some kind of deal where they have him attend " boot camp " and can help straighten the road he is on. In some states there are emancipation laws involving just what your saying about troubled youths. Stick with it for as long as you can tolerate. He may " hate " you now but he will love you later.. there is a reason they call it tough love ( hint : its not easy ).
If he has a probation officer talk to him. Ask about joint counsiling for both of you. Good luck

[N0help4u]

Yeah he could claim her an unfit mom but then if he gets custody and the son resents him for it he could end up even acting up more.

[Sand Daddy]

But since mom has custody how is he supposed to do anything. With mom having the custody and them teaming up against him it is hard enough being a part time parent without all things against you.

Having or not having custody doesn't mean squat. Any parent at any time regardless of their custody status can petition the Court with regards to any matter pertaining to the better interest of the child.

Mom having custody only changes a piece of paper dictating who has the ultimate say and legal liability, not ones role as a parent.

Being a part time parent is difficult enough, but not having custody is an excuse to just belly ache over and do nothing.