[hourglass]

Wow this is something new to me, but very glad I found this site. I have no one to ask the questions I have nor any one to share my feelings with. The reason I say this is because they are very delicate feelings in a nut shell that would upset many... To get straight to the point I am married to a wonderful man that most women could only dream of having. He has so much love for me, never forgets a birthday or anniversary. He is a very loving person. We have been married now for over 15 years, and still for him it is like the first date every day. I only wish that I could say the same for me, but it is not. I do deeply care for this person very much, but I don't love him. These feelings have been eating at me for years, and I have tried to over come them but I just can't. I feel so guilty that I can not give this person the love they deserve. To any one looking in they would never guess there was an issue with our marriage. We have the type of relationship our friends wish they had. My spouce knows that I don't love him the way he does me, but he places this feeling aside and continues to fight to hold on to me. It would hurt him so much to leave him as it would our children also. The children have such a good home life, and are very secure. I fight myself with the issue of being unhappy and not complete as well as the issue that if I pursue happiness I will make someone or many unhappy. I know that there is no magic answer out there because it is just not that easy. Thank you for taking the time in reading my thoughts, and maybe you can help me with what I should do; if you were me?

[Bluerose]

If I were you I’d think about what it’s like ‘out there’, there are so many people looking and searching for what you have. It’s expensive going it alone, and dating is not all it‘s cracked up to be. How many strangers would your children have to meet before you found ‘the one’. It’s a big bad cold world out there. Personally, I would search my heart for the love that must be there for a man who can treat you so well even when he knows you don’t feel the same way. I would stop wondering about what I might be missing and concentrate more on what I have.

[pasiria]

That feeling must be horrible. I can't imagine being with someone I don't love anymore. You are thinking of your children and how you would make many unhappy. I'll say something very simple, yet very intense, do your homework with this: You only live once, you will not be young forever, your children will leave home when they turn 18 and start a life of their own, where will you be then, sitting in the porch with someone you don't love? My siblings and I left home at 18, and we don't visit my parents too often, for they live out of town. Think of yourself. I'm sure your children want to see you happy.

[kraz]

What a difficult sad place you are in.
If you stay, you will not be happy. If you leave, you will be happy, but your kids and husband will be sad. Before you do anything permanent, would your family support you going away for a few days - go visit some out of town friends or family, or just find a nice quiet place to sit and think about what you want to do with your future.
If you do go for a break, don't just look at is as time away, you will need to think, feel and experience how you will feel and cope without your children and husband in your life. You said the children are settle and secure with their home life, and your husband is a good father, he will make sure they stay safe. You might need to do this to find out why you feel incomplete and unhappy. Once you know why, it might help to make your decision easier.

I am not in your position, I have loved my husband everyday for over 24 years. There are time when I don't like him (or what he has done) and he probably doesn't like me either, but every year we always take a mini break, without each other, no more than 2 weeks. Depending on where we go, either will take our son along. It works for us, and distance does make the heart grow fonder.

I believe if you can't get back that spark/love that makes you want to be together and share your lives, it will be the deepest cut you will ever inflict, but make it quick, don't drag it out for your families sake, if your husband knows, I bet the kids know things aren't that good between their parents too. Go quickly if you must go. Oop I talk too much.

[George_1950]

I think you need an expert marriage/relationship counselor. And I think you and your husband need to develop some 'away' time. Love can be taken for granted, just as you may not be aware of the gravity you feel in your chair; but try standing all day and that chair would feel really good. I want you to find happiness and love, and remember to come back and tell us how you did it.