[talaniman]

Its going to take a long time for this storm to blow over.

[Klizzy]

Talaniman... yes I should know what comes first and I'm feeling right now that my husband does not... which is very disturbing to me. That's the way it should be. I really don't know what happened and hopefully I can get it back, if I figure out that he is the best person for me. I believe in a marriage each person should bring out the best in each other. I don't feel this is happening. I think a break apart from each other is a good idea. I will be talking to my psychologist about this.

Thank you everyone for your help.

[brannan]

Well then maybe you need to see who's more important take a vacation alone and when you come home see who you love more and who you really need to be with good luck sweetie

[talaniman]

Your feelings are gone, so in the midst of some bad timing you come clean and he goes off. What a mess, you get help, but away from each other. When a bad situation gets as toxic as yours, somebody has to leave.

[Homegirl 50]

Your feelings are gone, so in the midst of some bad timing you come clean and he goes off. What a mess, you get help, but away from each other. When a bad situation gets as toxic as yours, somebody has to leave.

Right again my man.

[Klizzy]

Toxic wow... does it really sound that bad? My psychologist appointment isn't until Feb.26th and I'm struggling with what to do about my recent dilema. My husband has given me an ultimatum. He's in Ontario flying and has two days off between his flying blocks and says he won't come home until I get rid of a photo album I have on Facebook. They are concert pictures of the "crush". I told him he doesn't have to go on there and look at them and that he's being ridiculous. I have a few photo albums of friends and family and different events I've been to and it's more for friends to see them than me. I don't even go on to look at them for myself. In a brief phone call then text messages I said again I wouldn't remove the album and he said "See you whenever". I replied that I would like him to come home so we could work on fixing things. It's very hard to fix things when someone stays away. He replied with "never". I think he is being very stubborn and is determined to get his own way. I'm not sure but I guess I usually give in to make things liveable. I feel aweful and feel like it's all my fault. Am I doing the right thing by standing up for what I believe? I'm really confused.

[l12]

I'm married and not really attracted to my husband anymore. I care for him but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I have been faithful our entire marriage and even when we dated for 6 years. For 3 years I have had this crush on this younger guy and I want to be around him or talk to him all the time. I hate feeling this way but I just can't seem to shake it...like eventually we're supposed to be together. He lives far away so I hardly ever see him. We communicate occasionally on facebook messages and that is all. I found out recently, when I spent some time with him and his friend (from his friend) that he would consider sleeping with me if I wasn't married which really surprised me because I thought I was too old for him even to consider that. I really wish I could just be friends with him, but everytime I think of him I get HUGE butterflies. I really feel like I'm in love with this guy, which is absolutely ridiculous. And it's not like he is overly attractive in anyway, my friends don't understand my crush and neither does my mom or my husband. My husband thinks the crush is over and doesn't know how strong my feelings are. I feel like maybe a kiss would put everything into perspective for me and then I can get on with my marriage. HELP!

It really doesn't matter what the age... but.. Look into His eyes... when you think of moving forward... Look deeply into his eyes... where the truth lies...
Good luck

[kraz]

If you are not attracted to your husband, and you were not physically attracted to him also, what made you stay with him all these years? The way I see it, he is a controlling, manipulative, selfish and childish man.

Why has he not come home to face this family crisis? (idk, I'm asking? ) Does he have something to hide??

If you want to leave your husband, do it, but not because of your "friend". If you can find stability and happiness without your husband in you and your children's lives, find it. Only do it for you and your children, not for your "friend".
I get the impression the friend might be an excuse/scapegoat to your freedom.

Hope you find the answers you are looking for!

[talaniman]

The attention you give another in a public forum, is unacceptable behavior in my book, and would cause a lot of hurt, that can easily turn to anger, if it were done by my life partner, to me.

[peteleonora]

Hey
The best way to cut this off is by taking your husband out and if you are a catholic take him to the church and tell him how you feel about this guy.Its not right for you to kiss that crush.Its going to go way ahead and will cause problems in your marriage.Remember the commitments you both took during your marriage.If your huband love you a lot and you do loved him once upon a time, then he will understand you and stand by you in this problem of your.this builds and strengthens your relationship with your husband.if he really loves you and keeping in mind the marriage commitments he will stand by you.

All you need is being true to him.

[peteleonora]

Listen lady you need to keep your marriage going.marriage is not a joke.always remember it is a woman who can make a home and a woman to break a home.if your husband wants something from you, I think you need to give it to him.remmeber the times he has dome things for you.
I'm married too and I would do anything for him.I had a some what similar problem in fact a worse situation... but this was before marriage and all I did is "god please help me to keep my relationship with my man as i still love him alot" and I took the courage and went up to him and told him everything that happened.he was totally upset and broken down but he wanted to be with me still.this had happened 6 years ago and now we are married and we are finally together.We have had a long distance relationship for 7 years.

So do it for your husband and do not even think of breaking up with him.

Hope you understand what I have told you and do what you feel is right... do not only go by what we all have to say just close your eyes and see, feel and listen to your heart.you will know what to do.

BEST OF LUCK BUDDY!!

[Homegirl 50]

peteleonora, I'm happy things worked out for you, I really am, but I don't think any woman ought to stay in a marriage that is controlling and is being emotionally abused. Staying in a toxic marriage is not "making it work", it is allowing yourself to be abused. That is foolish. It is not just her, there are children watching this mess. They don't need to grow up think abuse is normal and acceptable.
She needs to continue her counseling and then get out of this marriage. In the meantime, stop talking to the "crush"

[Klizzy]

If you are not attracted to your husband, and you were not physically attracted to him also, what made you stay with him all these years? The way I see it, he is a controlling, manipulative, selfish and childish man.

Why has he not come home to face this family crisis? (idk, I'm asking??) Does he have something to hide???

If you want to leave your husband, do it, but not because of your "friend". If you can find stability and happiness without your husband in you and your children's lives, find it. Only do it for you and your children, not for your "friend".
I get the impression the friend might be an excuse/scapegoat to your freedom.

Hope you find the answers you are looking for!!

Kraz, thank you for your advice. I'm trying to figure out why I stayed all these years... maybe because he is a good provider? (For sure that's not why I thought I married him.)... and we have children and I made a vow?? I really thought I was in love with him.

Well he did decide to come home and is happy as a puppy because I took the concert pictures off my Facebook. Meanwhile he keeps going on Facebook and adding more friends everyday... male and female of course. Before he flew home he also kept texting me on my cell and asked where the "love you" was in my messages. So I finally texted "love you" so I could go to sleep. It was 12 midnight at this point.

He left early this morning to go and play hockey and I just thought I'd check if he put his wedding ring back on and he didn't. When he left for work a week ago he basically threw it in my face. He also mentioned while he was at work three women propositioned him and he was guessing it was because he didn't have his ring on. Two flight attendants and one from one of the hotels. He said he didn't like it. So if he didn't like it why didn't he put his ring on when he got home? Through all this I have never taken my rings off ever.

My business partner agrees with you that he's controlling, manipulative, selfish and childish. It's really hard for me to think of leaving a situation I've been in for 16 years. I still don't know what to do.

[Klizzy]

Peteleonora and homegirl and everyone else that has given me advice... thank you and please pray for me that my heart and head have the strength and courage to do what is best and right for me and my family. I hope you all have great days today. HUGS! Xoxo

[susangpyp]

I'm married and not really attracted to my husband anymore. I care for him but I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I have been faithful our entire marriage and even when we dated for 6 years. For 3 years I have had this crush on this younger guy and I want to be around him or talk to him all the time. I hate feeling this way but I just can't seem to shake it...like eventually we're supposed to be together. He lives far away so I hardly ever see him. We communicate occasionally on facebook messages and that is all. I found out recently, when I spent some time with him and his friend (from his friend) that he would consider sleeping with me if I wasn't married which really surprised me because I thought I was too old for him even to consider that. I really wish I could just be friends with him, but everytime I think of him I get HUGE butterflies. I really feel like I'm in love with this guy, which is absolutely ridiculous. And it's not like he is overly attractive in anyway, my friends don't understand my crush and neither does my mom or my husband. My husband thinks the crush is over and doesn't know how strong my feelings are. I feel like maybe a kiss would put everything into perspective for me and then I can get on with my marriage. HELP!

If you are unhappy, leave. If you are too committed to leave then go to counseling. Either with your husband or by yourself.

The crush is telling you that you want more. You have 3 choices: accept it, change it or leave.

Those are the 3 choices in your marriage:

1. Accept the way things are. They are not changing, your husband is not changing and you are not leaving.

Or

2. Change it. Go to therapy to learn to deal with the situation or go to therapy with your husband. Tell your husband it's therapy or divorce, choose one. But don't give an ultimatum you are not prepared to follow through on. If you're not prepared to do that, then you go to therapy yourself and see what you can do.

If 1 or 2 doesn't work for you, the ONLY solution left is to LEAVE.

You have these 3 choices and these 3 choices only. That is if you want to decide. You can also decide not to decide and to stay in limbo.

[Homegirl 50]

I hope you find some peace today as well, and that you will be able to come to some kind of decision.