[sassyT]

Hey guys,
I am a 26 year old model, considered very attractive, and have been married since June last year. My husband and I have been together for 5 years now and he is a good husband. He is very loving and caring and I have little to complain about in general except lately he has not had a strong sex drive as he normally does. He is not as aggressive as he used to be in bed. He some times does not get an errection from making out with me when I am naked and this never used to be the case. When we have sex he is good after one round where as before he used to like to go for 2-3 rounds. When we do go to 2 rounds it takes him ages to climax, if ever. I have been reading other people's posts on this issue and it seem like this is not unusuall, or is it? This has been this way for about a month now and I am to worry because it makes me feel very unsexy.

When I met him he was 26 years old and now he is 31 so I was thinking that maybe its because he is just getting older because I know sex drive declines with age. Or maybe he is just sick of having sex with me. I am really hoping the latter is no the case. I hope this is just a phase that will pass.

So my question is to married men over 30 who have been with their partner for a long time.
Is my husband's behavior normal?
Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?
Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? If so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years.
Is this just a phase that will pass? If so have you experienced this in your marriage?

I know this is a lot of questions but I need your insight into the matter. So if you can shed some light on this situation from a male perspective it will help me understand. It just worries me because I wonder if he is like this now when I am young and sexy what will happen when I am old and less attractive?
Help:confused:

[450donn]

I guess I qualify to answer you. Yesterday was our 42 anniversary. Yes, it is normal. People get comfortable with each other and so sex can become routine. Sex therapist will tell you to spice it up. Sleep around junk like that. There is a lot you can do to spice up your sex life besides using sex as sleeping around, or using things like a three some. Instigate the sex. Maybe try different positions things like that. There are also many other reasons of course. Like pressure in his job. There is also the possibility that there is a medical condition effecting his sex drive. 2 to 3 times a day is normal for a 20 year old, for a 30 year old normal is more like two of three times a week. Do you instigate sex? Or is it only him?

[CaptainRich]

"Is my husband's behavior normal?"
Yes and no. It is normal for desires to go through periods of hot and cold.

"Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?"
That is quite likely. Very few people maintain the same levels of vitality over the course of time.

"Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? if so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years."
If it becomes routine, both partners could get bored. Same time, same place...
Sex doesn't need to remain the focal point of the relationship. If that's the only concern, you would do well to explore other things you two have that you can share.

"Is this just a phase that will pass? if so have you experienced this in your marriage?"
It could pass, perhaps if it doesn't become a constant battle.

You don't mention if you've had this open of a conversation with him. Have you? What do you think he'd say to your questions?
As stated before, there could be any number of issues that have distracted from your earlier pattern. Get him were he can talk openly about it and see what you both learn.

[Ash123]

It's Normal.

Do not panic.

Be glad it's him and not you that has lost the zingg... be glad you have the vitality. This is a tough thing. It's mental and that is the biggest organ of all. He needs to feel like the model he vanquished and took home (in romantic novel language :-) is still something he needs to chase. I pray you all have more going on than just an interest in eachother's looks because that fades... look at cindy crawford, christy brinkley, etc... being attractive loses its novelty. There has to be a core mental attraction too.

Perhaps you need to go somewhere with the girls... nghts out or even a weekend away with the girls or longer... re-unite and re-kindle... Be busy with your work or hobies and when he does chase... make it harder - just a bit... then reward him with a surprise if he gets you in bed with a dinner or the right kiss/somg etc...

I am not saying put a wall up and hurt your marriage but don't be there for granted... have a life and reward him with a new sex treat or outfit or verbal fantasy he is not expecting when you are hot... and try to avoid wearing an outfit/lingerie/or lack of... doing something if it duznt make you hot too... he'll sense it...

Enjoy the surprises ahead.

[sassyT]

I guess I qualify to answer you. Yesterday was our 42 anniversary. Yes, it is normal. People get comfortable with each other and so sex can become routine. Sex therapist will tell you to spice it up. Sleep around junk like that. There is a lot you can do to spice up your sex life besides using sex as sleeping around, or using things like a three some. Instigate the sex. maybe try different positions things like that. There are also many other reasons of course. like pressure in his job. There is also the possibility that there is a medical condition effecting his sex drive. 2 to 3 times a day is normal for a 20 year old, for a 30 year old normal is more like two of three times a week. Do you instigate sex? or is it only him?

Hi 450 congrats on your anniversary! I do instigate the sex sometimes but I guess I expect him to be the one who instigates it because he is the man. It is not that I am not getting enough sex, its just that it hurting my ego that he is not as interested in having sex with me as he did before. It used to be I could not get his hands off me and I just miss that. I guess what you said about his age does comfort me. I just have to readjust but I just wanted to make sure it is not going to get worse.

[sassyT]

"Is my husband's behavior normal?"
Yes and no. It is normal for desires to go through periods of hot and cold.

"Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?"
That is quite likely. Very few people maintain the same levels of vitality over the course of time.

"Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? if so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years."
If it becomes routine, both partners could get bored. Same time, same place...
Sex doesn't need to remain the focal point of the relationship. If that's the only concern, you would do well to explore other things you two have that you can share.

"Is this just a phase that will pass? if so have you experienced this in your marriage?"
It could pass, perhaps if it doesn't become a constant battle.

You don't mention if you've had this open of a conversation with him. Have you? What do you think he'd say to your questions?
As stated before, there could be any number of issues that have distracted from your earlier pattern. Get him were he can talk openly about it and see what you both learn.

Hi captain, thanks for your response that helps a lot. I did say something to him last night to the effect of why his was "sleepy" lately... I guess that really hurt him because he said insulted his man hood. So I appologised and asked what was up and he said he just hasn't had much of a sex drive lately. He said he is more horny during the day when he is working and by the time he gets of work he is too tired to think of sex. The problem is we both work during the day. He did mention some things we have been doing that have distracted his normal pattern. Is a man's sex drive really that sensitive? I think maybe the best thing is for me to not complain about it because I feel if I do I will be putting too much psychological pressure on him to perform and that will make the situation worse. So maybe I will just wait till he comes around. What do you think?

[JBeaucaire]

Totally normal, so no reason to fret. But there are things to do about it that are reasonable, too.

Men who are physically active like playing football or basketball on a Saturday morning will find their sex drive revved up that evening. It's a natural by-product of testosterone. So his guy friends can help your sex life, how funny is that?

This is different kind of day, duing the week you're drained from all the day's exertions and sex may not be the relaxing thing it might've been 10 years earlier, it can feel like more work.

Also, naked is over-rated. Even if you're gorgeous naked, guys visual nature means you spice it up by hiding it and revealing in freaky ways. During intercourse, your nudity will greatly enhance his pleasure, but nudity as foreplay is misplaced.

Get his engine running by doing things to poke him sexually in situations where you would never normally do so...

• rub the inside of his leg at the table in a restaurant but above the table act like it's not happening (especially great if there is someone at the table with you)
• stand close in front of him and rub him with your hand behind you while riding in an elevator or escalator... on an escalator, make him follow you up and down the escalator a couple of times while you do this...all the while talking about something else. Funny!
• take him to his favorite sporting event with a blankie and massage his privates under a blankie during the game.
• wear a totally loose fitting blouse and visit him at work, be sure to bend over SEVERAL time to accidentally flash the goodies.
• riding in the car, absentmindedly stroke his hair, head, lobes...not sexually, just touch him (lots variations on this...touching him lovingly in public a lot can pay off later that day)
• we're Christians, and my wife once jumped me AT the church (no service was going on), dragged me into a closet and we got it on. Oh my!

Sex can be fun, and same time every week in the same room in the same routine is, well, routine. That's fine if that's fine, but if it's not, you can fix it, have some fun. He'll pick up the game and start some tricks of his own. If he doesn't, that's OK, you keep doing it. Still fun.

Oh, in addition to the litany of ideas above, just a note - you might consider some "start of day" initiations, too. Men frequently wake up in a heightened state of sexual stimulation (still sleepy, though) and morning quickies make a great way to start the day.

[sassyT]

It's Normal.

Do not panic.

Be glad it's him and not you that has lost the zingg...be glad you have the vitality. This is a tough thing. It's mental and that is the biggest organ of all. He needs to feel like the model he vanquished and took home (in romantic novel language :-) is still something he needs to chase. I pray you all have more going on than just an interest in eachother's looks because that fades....look at cindy crawford, christy brinkley, etc...being attractive loses its novelty. there has to be a core mental attraction too.

perhaps you need to go somewhere with the girls...nghts out or even a weekend away with the girls or longer....re-unite and re-kindle.....Be busy with your work or hobies and when he does chase....make it harder - just a bit...then reward him with a surprise if he gets you in bed with a dinner or the right kiss/somg etc...

i am not saying put a wall up and hurt your marriage but don't be there for granted...have a life and reward him with a new sex treat or outfit or verbal fantasy he is not expecting when you are hot....and try to avoid wearing an outfit/lingerie/or lack of... doing something if it duznt make you hot too...he'll sense it...

enjoy the surprises ahead.

Thanks Ash, I am relieved that it is normal. So are you saying he still finds me sexy? I know looks is not everything but it is a big need women have to feel wanted. We do have a deep mental and emotional connection but I just don't want us to be too much like friends. So I think you are right maybe I should not avail myself too much so he can have room to pursue me. I don't ever do much with my friends because I feel guilty leaving him because he doesn't have any close friends he hangs out with. He just works on his business a lot and I am pretty much the only friend he has.

[sassyT]

Totally normal, so no reason to fret. But there are things to do about it that are reasonable, too.

Men who are physically active like playing football or basketball on a Saturday morning will find their sex drive revved up that evening. It's a natural by-product of testosterone. So his guy friends can help your sex life, how funny is that?

This is different kind of day, duing the week you're drained from all the day's exertions and sex may not be the relaxing thing it might've been 10 years earlier, it can feel like more work.

Also, naked is over-rated. Even if you're gorgeous naked, guys visual nature means you spice it up by hiding it and revealing in freaky ways. During intercourse, your nudity will greatly enhance his pleasure, but nudity as foreplay is misplaced.

Get his engine running by doing things to poke him sexually in situations where you would never normally do so...

• rub the inside of his leg at the table in a restaurant but above the table act like it's not happening (especially great if there is someone at the table with you)
• stand close in front of him and rub him with your hand behind you while riding in an elevator or escalator... on an escalator, make him follow you up and down the escalator a couple of times while you do this...all the while talking about something else. Funny!
• take him to his favorite sporting event with a blankie and massage his privates under a blankie during the game.
• wear a totally loose fitting blouse and visit him at work, be sure to bend over SEVERAL time to accidentally flash the goodies.
• riding in the car, absentmindedly stroke his hair, head, lobes...not sexually, just touch him (lots variations on this...touching him lovingly in public a lot can pay off later that day)
• we're Christians, and my wife once jumped me AT the church (no service was going on), dragged me into a closet and we got it on. Oh my!

Sex can be fun, and same time every week in the same room in the same routine is, well, routine. That's fine if that's fine, but if it's not, you can fix it, have some fun. He'll pick up the game and start some tricks of his own. If he doesn't, that's ok, you keep doing it. Still fun.

Oh, in addition to the litany of ideas above, just a note - you might consider some "start of day" initiations, too. Men frequently wake up in a heightened state of sexual stimulation (still sleepy, though) and morning quickies make a great way to start the day.

Thanks JB! This really helps, I will try to put this into practice. You are right about the same time same room etc I think that makes it so routine. He loves morning quickies I know that but I haven't surprised him with that in a while so maybe I should.

[smoothy]

I'm mid 40's I've been married 17 years.

TO most 20 something's 2-3 times a day are just quickies... us more mature people prefer quality to quantity.

And average for us (me and my wife anyway) is about an hour... with certain days (usually special days) when we have nothing else to do it might be 1.5 - 2 hours.

And yes, we do it almost every day. But like has been previously mentioned, with some couples it gets boring and frequency decreases. If that happens depends on both of you to keep it interesting. I've known some horrifically dull women... and I've known women who told me about some horrifically dull men.


My wife and I are pretty close in our likes and dislikes. We have managed to keep it from ever getting dull or boring. DO I ever think about pretty women when I see them? Sure. But what I do know as well from previous experience that just because a woman may be more pretty it doesn't mean she will be better in bed or have a better personality.

I know while my wife isn't perfect ( nor am I) I do know the grass is NOT always greener on the other side of the fence. Besides... I'm not at all unhappy as a married man. Sex as a married couple tops anything I had as a single male... well except for a couple times anyway.

[talaniman]

So my question is to married men over 30 who have been with their partner for a long time.
Married 3 decades, in our 50's.
Is my husband's behavior normal?
People change and grow and must adapt to the changes, as good communications is what allows us to know what adjustments need to be made. I like to think we have learned each other a lot more and can express our feelings with quality over quantity.
Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?
I doubt any of us has the same vitality as when we were 20. I sure a s heck don't, but I do know the secrets of making my female scream... hehehehe!
Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? if so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years
Not sure I understand what you mean, but can tell you that the wife and I, are very close, and having done a whole lot of stuff together, over the years, we know each other very well. We are in our comfort zone.
Is this just a phase that will pass? if so have you experienced this in your marriage?
You will experience MANY fazes of the relationship, as time goes on and things, and circumstances, change. If the relationship is healthy and happy you will deal with it as it comes along and nothing can break you up. Sex is such a small part of a relationship though and we seem to make it bigger than it deserves to be. Surely the sex suffers if there are problems with other areas of our life, though.

[Choux]

It is normal for men and women to lose interest in their partner sexually as time goes on and the excitement wears off. I read about a study very recently that said that men are unhappiest at ages 35-45. This can have a very big effect on his libido, etc. :)

Perhaps, it is time for you to try to improve the quality of your husband's life... like having you both join a bowling league or a tennis league together. Enjoying the fun of competition and exercise is a good re-bonding thing to do... no problems, no stress, just fun. A way to see the other person in a different and happy light.

Everyone loses his/her looks. We have to have other attributes to make ourselves an interesting and attractive person. A life full of varied stuff is what does it...


Best wishes in the future,

[Chameleon]

My husband was 27 when we got together, he is now 32 and I'm 24. It is normal, and most likely not a phase. We love one another unconditionally, and couldn't be with anyone else. Doesn't mean he's less attracted to me, its just father time catching up.

[sassyT]

my husband was 27 when we got together, he is now 32 and i'm 24. It is normal, and most likely not a phase. We love one another unconditionally, and couldn't be with anyone else. Doesn't mean he's less attracted to me, its just father time catching up.

Thanks, that is comforting. I thought maybe I wasn't sexy in his eyes anymore but I guess he is just getting older.

[sassyT]

So my question is to married men over 30 who have been with their partner for a long time.
Married 3 decades, in our 50's.
Is my husband's behavior normal?
People change and grow and must adapt to the changes, as good communications is what allows us to know what adjustments need to be made. I like to think we have learned each other a lot more and can express our feelings with quality over quantity.
Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?
I doubt any of us has the same vitality as when we were 20. I sure a s heck don't, but I do know the secrets of making my female scream..........hehehehe!
Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? if so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years
Not sure I understand what you mean, but can tell you that the wife and I, are very close, and having done a whole lot of stuff together, over the years, we know each other very well. We are in our comfort zone.
Is this just a phase that will pass? if so have you experienced this in your marriage?
You will experience MANY fazes of the relationship, as time goes on and things, and circumstances, change. If the relationship is healthy and happy you will deal with it as it comes along and nothing can break you up. Sex is such a small part of a relationship though and we seem to make it bigger than it deserves to be. Surely the sex suffers if there are problems with other areas of our life, though.

Thanks for this response, I got a lot out of it. I think I was just over reacting for nothing..

[Credendovidis]

thanks for this response ... I think i was just over reacting for nothing..

But isn´t that your personal trademark??

····:D ····:D ····:D ···:D ·····:D ····

[smoothy]

It is normal for men and women to lose interest in their partner sexually as time goes on and the excitement wears off. I read about a study very recently that said that men are unhappiest at ages 35-45. This can have a very big effect on his libido, etc. :)

Not always... I'm 47 and sex is better than it was when we first got married 17 years ago. Mostly because we are more comfortible with each other and have broadened our horizons so to speak.

[slc258]

Hey guys,
I am a 26 year old model, considered very attractive, and have been married since June last year. My husband and i have been together for 5 years now and he is a good husband. He is very loving and caring and i have little to complain about in general except lately he has not had a strong sex drive as he normally does. He is not as agressive as he used to be in bed. He some times does not get an errection from making out with me when i am naked and this never used to be the case. When we have sex he is good after one round where as before he used to like to go for 2-3 rounds. When we do go to 2 rounds it takes him ages to climax, if ever. I have been reading other people's posts on this issue and and it seem like this is not unusuall, or is it? This has been this way for about a month now and i am to worry because it makes me feel very unsexy.

When i met him he was 26 years old and now he is 31 so i was thinking that maybe its because he is just getting older because i know sex drive declines with age. Or maybe he is just sick of having sex with me. I am really hoping the latter is no the case. I hope this is just a phase that will pass.

So my question is to married men over 30 who have been with their partner for a long time.
Is my husband's behavior normal?
Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?
Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? if so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years.
Is this just a phase that will pass? if so have you experienced this in your marriage?

I know this is a lot of questions but i need your insight into the matter. So if you can shed some light on this situation from a male perspective it will help me understand. It just worries me because i wonder if he is like this now when i am young and sexy what will happen when i am old and less attractive?
Help:confused:

It is not you... this is very common and probably the norm... at 31 I doubt it is an age thing... but all relationships evolve... not necessary for the bad but I don't think people who have been married 5+ years have sex 2-3 times a day on average... wife and I are happily married and we were like you in the beginning and know do to kids work etc we have sex less, but in my opinion the quality is better than before

If you think things may be getting stale, mix things up a bit fantasies, flirting , lingerie etc
But don't sweat it...

[smoothy]

Is my husband's behavior normal?
Is it just because he is does not have the same vitality as he did when he was in his 20's?
Do men get bord of having sex with the same woman after some time? if so why do men 85%+ men marry and how do they stay married to the same person for years.
Is this just a phase that will pass? if so have you experienced this in your marriage?

Figured this calls for more detail.

In the 20's its all about how many times... (and relatively speaking its quick and poor quality)

In the 40's its about how long and how good. (usually much longer and more satisfying for both)

Do men get bored with their wives? Quite often they do. Sometimes its her fault, sometimes its his fault, sometimes its both parties fault. But if you have two partners that like to keep things interesting then like in my case even after 17 years it keeps getting better.

I have known women before that were so dull in bed it was horrific. I did date one that was so bad I had to sneak out at 3am and not return her calls because even though she was nice enough outside of bed she was so horrible in bed I could not bring myself to say anything to her about it. Yes I was fairly young at the time and that had something to do with not knowing how to present it to her at the time.

2 and 3 times a day is fine for rabbits. Not for quality time with people who car for each other. Doesn't matter if you are a supermodel or Rosane Barr.